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Original poster

How do I actually go to church?!

39 replies

scortja · 20/06/2017 14:20

Please help! I would like to go to a local church but I just don't know what I'm supposed to do..
Say the service is at 1030 on a Wednesday morning - do I just go at 1030, slip into a back row and listen? Or do i need to get there early? Or a bit late so I can avoid talking to people?
Will someone hand me a bit of paper? Do i need to get anything?

If I'm not initiated into the church (you can tell I'm not!) do I just listen? Can I slip away after? Do I have to explain myself?

Thank you for your help!

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 20/06/2017 15:01

If they invite you to tea and biscuits then go. You can make an excuse if you don't like it. Or if you really don't feel up to it say "Next time". They'll just ask you things like are you new to the church/area etc, and tell you a bit more about what it's like.
You don't have to be a full on member or anything.
It's OK to just go along to a service for the peace that an hour away from the rest of the world gives you and for a bit of a sing song, and a bit of prayer/thoughtful mediation.

BlackeyedSusan · 20/06/2017 15:49

look at the websites of a couple of local churches and pick the one that you think suits you best.

W1A · 20/06/2017 15:57

I work for a church.

We get at least one email or call a month from someone saying they're new to the area, thinking of coming on Sunday etc. We offer to meet with them first either during the week or before the service and then sit with them so explain when to stand up and sit down.

I think we get new people to most services on a Sunday except evensong but fewer come to midweek services.

Most churches will have someone on welcome or a priest/someone who works there who will introduce themselves and offer to meet you at another point after the service if you want. They'll tell you about other stuff happening during the week. Usually people begin going to church for a reason and it can help to talk that through with someone (ie recently bereaved, baptism, answered prayer etc).

deplorabelle · 20/06/2017 16:19

If the service is "said" that means it's all spoken (a sung service some of the bits the priest and/or congregation sing). A said service can still have hymns but it's less likely.

Said services held mid week are often quieter and might not have tea and biscuits afterwards or even necessarily chatting. The busiest service is going to be your "parish Eucharist" on a Sunday. Midweek said services are 5-20 people. Sunday services probably 30-300 depending on how big and busy a church it is

mummytime · 20/06/2017 16:47

If they say in the Chancel that probably means everyone will be sat in choir stalls (because they only expect a few people). If everyone else kneels don't feel obliged, you could have bad knees.

BizzyFizzy · 21/06/2017 05:52

A 10.30 midweek service is unlikely to have many people going. Ours has no more than 10, and they are all over 70.

If you go to this service, it will not be representative of the church itself. I would get there at 10.29am, personally.

You will be given everything you need for the service, or it will be projected on a screen. If you are given a booklet, you have to listen out for the page number. It isn't particularly newbie-friendly. It's much easier at the main Sunday service.

Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 07:49

No need to do anything other than turn up on time and think and feel what you need to think and feel. Join in if you want - tea biscuits etc after - or don't.

Original poster
scortja · 23/06/2017 10:51

Well I decided to wait for next Sunday - I think you're right that a weekday service would not be representative.. Also it was really hot and I thought that might mean even fewer people!

OP posts:
mummytime · 23/06/2017 12:35

Actually depending on the Church when its hot it can be a very pleasant place to be :)

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 25/06/2017 22:33

Different churches vary in how formal or informal they are. The types of music used varies and so do the people who attend. I hope you find one which suits you but it may be good to visit a few different ones.

EddSimcox · 27/06/2017 09:08

Weekdays at my church it's sometimes just me. Definitely best to go on a Sunday if it's feasible :)

Evangelinda · 27/06/2017 09:22

On a Sunday you have more chance of being a bit invisible, if that's what you prefer, while you get your bearings and decide if it's for you.

Also, if you don't want to chat sneak out during the last hymn and avoid the coffee and chat. But if you're looking to get to know some new people this is a great opportunity and in any decent church you'll probably get several people asking you about yourself. It's out of interest but feel free to give non-committal answers if you prefer.

Also, if you go and don't like it, try somewhere different - churches are a bit like counsellors - you don't always click with the first one you go to and it's OK to shop around a bit until you find a place that suits you.

sticklebrix · 07/07/2017 23:05

Check out Ship of Fools Mystery Worshipper for an idea of how church services in different denominations might unfold:

www.shipoffools.com/mystery/index.html

Your local church might even have been visited by them.

GoldenFleck · 06/09/2017 19:49

During the first few services you attend you may get approached a lot as the congregation will want to make an effort to make you feel welcome and it's great to see a new face. No problem with that just be prepared for light chit chat. You will likely get invited to tea and biscuits. If you don't want to go then don't feel pressured to but probably worth going at least for one tea a few times to get a feel for the church. I leave when the service is finished and have been firm with that decision so now I'm not expected to stay for small talk. Also, I don't do the meetings or other events and they have stopped inviting me which I prefer. Be firm to be as involved or uninvolved as you want. Just say your too busy to attend things you don't want to attend you don't have to justify your availability more than that. Don't feel pressured or judged to attend meetings or stay longer than you want after the service etc if it will make you dread going as you will just end up stopping church altogether. Ive found that most people at my church that attend meetings etc don't work (at least FT) or are retired so have more free time available. I also don't attend church every single week. At first I got a few comments asking if everything was OK but once they realised I would be an sporadic attendee they stopped worrying about me leaving the church and don't query anymore. If you find the congregation too attentive it's only because they value your attendance and are concerned to welcome you as much as possible. If necessary try a few churches to find one that suits you.

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