Cocoa. Really sorry to hear about how you are feeling relating to what you describe as a meltdown. Your h will question things, he will try to say that they don't exist or even that you cause them. It's part of the behaviour that you are leaving. You know beyond whatever he says what is true and happening. You must try not to listen and take in what he says.
You said before that your dc prefer it now. They are happier. That's fact. That's down to your doing. You made it happen. You got the strength to organise this and do it and the results are very good. He won't get that. He won't acknowledge that. Its your hard work and not his. 
Ok he might be neater than you. Might be. Might be more organised and better at day to day life that you. Might be. What do children reflect on when they look back on childhood? Neatness or love? Organisation or feeling cared for, loved and secure? It's absolutely clear that you love your dc beyond measure. He will know that too. They know that too.
It's part of the situation you are leaving. You know in your heart that there are issues with him he can improve on. You mentioned a few. He won't acknowledge these. It's the way it is. Your new life promises better though.
I was so pleased you said that you won't be the one lying on the floor. Too right you won't be!!! Let him question you. You know deep down that you are doing a wonderful job and are getting the results from the positives from your dc. You will have a lot on your plate and have tough times ahead and feel the enormity of this. However you can do this. For you and your dc. It's going to be very different but much, much better, because you are in control now. God will be with you and knows your fears and your heart and soul.
Really hoping that I haven't upset you in any way. I just read your post and really felt for you. You deserve to be respected and happy. Sending you prayers.
Bes you must be shattered. All the washing is enough but then you still had more jobs. I really hope that you can manage to get some sleep while the dc are in school. I am a fan of homework as it's all education and education is good, however I do think that sometimes it does get to be too much of a chore. Parents (usually mums like you) then have even more on their plates making the homework happen with everything else you have to deal with. You feel that you have to do it because it looks 'bad' if you don't get everything done. I really do feel that it's not understood by some teachers/schools just what truly busy parents do. You had enough on when your mum was in hospital and your dc had homework to do. This week is the same. Yet you are like a machine and keep doing things. I honestly don't know how you do it.
Really hoping that you managed to get things done and you managed to get some sleep in. Any joy with the pva glue and getting it out of the carpet? we have a big bottle of this and the dc use it and I detest the stuff. I know it's useful and has a place but I shudder when I know that it's involved in homework 