That sounds pretty full-on but good, FA. It might be a good idea for you to go seperately - sounds like it could be a painful process but extremely restoring of your relationship.
Well I've had an amazing morning! Dh had to nip into work so he took ds with him (who was plied with cuddles and sweets! ) - anyway dh had to drive past St Albans Abbey to get there so he dropped me off and I sat in the quiet for a bit...then I discovered a bit of the abbey that I never knew existed! Which is a bit like discovering an extra room in your house, for me! It is a fab library with christian / theological books, available to anyone to borrow! Cool! Not only that but they had a book sale and I was drawn to a book called 'Pilgrimage and Promises' by Michael Marshall, written in the early 80s when he was Bishop of Woolwich. I stared reading it and was totally blown away...
To cut a long story short I went on a retreat a couple of years ago on the theme of pilgrimage (it was a personal retreat and my own study, not a set thing) and what was in this book today was so much in the spirit of what I felt God was saying to me then...it was just like, if I could peel back the clouds and have a face to face with the Almighty, exactly what He would be saying to me. It was a remarkable thing to sense so strongly that He was speaking to me through this book.
One of the nuggets in there was that verse that says "In my father's house there are many rooms" - well that word "rooms" really means something like caravans, taverns, public houses, resting points along a journey - so the idea is that through your life you will have many resting places along the journey where God will meet with you, refresh you, teach you, whatever you need, but then it will be on with the journey - and this clarified how I feel about the church we've been going to. I've always known in my heart that it's been a place we are passing through rather than staying in. I have learnt some really good stuff about christianity there and had lots of my beliefs and attitudes challenged...this book was also saying about how when we feel the spirit leading us onwards in the journey, we, as children of Abraham, must venture out into the unknown in faith and God will lead us...wow! Lots more really profound stuff but I'm only on chapter 2!
(BTW as a far less spirital thing i went int o a charity shop afterwards and found a fab top, a fab denim skirt, a really really fab belt, gloves and a hat, and a book I've been wanting to read! I guess if you're going to have a spree it might as well be in a charity shop! )
I'm feeling so much better today - tired after all that activity tho!
Sorry you're feeling rubbish, CD. Heartfelt sympathy and prayers from me! Hope you can get a bit of recuperation soon.