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Original poster

Please will somebody pray for me and my boys?

48 replies

ForgivenNotForgotten · 11/02/2016 21:33

We need help! My 7 year old says he hates me, he is so upset right now. We have lived with domestic abuse, his dad has been gone for a year now, and I am struggling to cope. Ds1 is desperate, and I am failing him because I yell at him, get drunk some evenings, and am so inconsistent with bedtimes etc so that he never knows where he is. Nobody really knows how badly I am coping.

I don't even know how to pray. But I do believe that God can heal our situation somehow. Please help. There must be some of you that can intercede for us, and we can start to live the lives we were meant to live.

I'm sorry if I sound crazy. .. I just dont know where to turn. Am hiding outside in the garden because ds1 is refusing to go to bed, seems totally terrified of me, has screamed at me to go away. I made a face that I know his dad used to make when he was being scary. I feel like I don't know how to exist in a world without abuse

OP posts:

Tuo · 12/02/2016 14:22

Good to hear your update, Forgiven.

I agree with all that Oma has said.

Also, Bastard, if you read what people have written, no-one has told Forgiven that God will sort it all out for her. We have all told her to seek RL help, and it's great that she's going to do that.

QofF · 12/02/2016 15:02

Bolognese and Bastard you seem to be letting your prejudice get in the way of seeing what is being said - this thread is full of practical advice. The fact that some of us posting back that up with prayers doesn't negate that. And no person of faith that I know thinks prayer is to invoke a magic wand to make everything suddenly OK or to remove personal or collective responsibility to act to improve things.
Good to read your posts today forgiven - come back and let us know how things are won't you. Are you going to see if you can start the counselling you mentioned? How are the DS's today?

StrumpersPlunkett · 12/02/2016 15:11

Praying for you and your sons.
You have come so far. Keep going.
Going to your church is brilliant hopefully kind people there can help with more practical support.

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep · 12/02/2016 16:02

single mum left abusive relationship here.

it is bloody hard. just read back through the aforementioned prayer thread at all my whining for proof

prioritise

drinking. stop getting drunk. (easier said than done, I know. ) this is the thing that needs tackling first. (stop buying the alcohol)

keep the home in a reasonable condition. (certainly not show home, but bed and bedding for the children, clean clothes, cleanish kitchen and bathroom)

see the gp about the boys behaviour. they may recommend counselling of some sort.

sorry for brevity. got to go and get the dcs, see how much he hates me today.

Bolognese · 12/02/2016 23:26

OP, I know how hard it is, been there done that.

I never said stopping drinking was easy, but it is part of the cause of depression. In the very beginning just try to stop drink when your children are awake.

I agree that every post has said that you need real help from people in the real world, exactly for the reason that praying wont help a jot. It might be a nice add on but it wont actually do anything.

Having been in the same situation I know that lots of people offer support, religious and otherwise. But I learnt over the years that it just puts pressure on you to pretend that it is helping. You have to put a front on to show all these do gooders that they have helped, which makes your burden bigger!

But in private you collapse and the real depression comes out worse every time. What you need is real help not words of how much everyone is "thinking of you". No one really knows what you are going through apart from people who have been through it, and I bet most of mumsnet haven't been through it.

I agree your son is probably acting up because he feels home is a safe space, again been there. Its hard, its very hard. All they want to know is that they are loved no matter how badly they behave. But know this, if you keep you head, keep showing love, dont blow up then eventually in weeks or months it will stop. Help doesn't always help, sometimes it makes it worse.

Good Luck. I have always wanted the best for you. Sorry if my advice isn't what you wanted.

timelytess · 12/02/2016 23:34

Praying for you. In a similar position to you, but without the drink, years ago, I asked God to show me how to pray. He reminded me of the Lord's Prayer. It will help. You can trust God. I know. He sent me £156 in 1988 when there wasn't a penny left in the house for food...

DioneTheDiabolist · 12/02/2016 23:58

Bolognese, I'm sorry you have been in a similar position to the OP.

Having been there I'm sure you understand the importance of sources of strength, comfort and help. For a believer, god can be a source of all these things. For whatever reason, the OP found it easier to ask for help through god. And I'm glad she did because she has received great support and advice on this thread.

I consider your telling the OP to forget about god to be as helpful as someone telling an atheist in the same position to pray. It is not at all helpful and runs the risk of further hurting an already vulnerable person.

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/02/2016 00:06

OP are you still home schooling your DS?

23jumpstreet · 13/02/2016 00:07

Bologneses I know how you feel I had no help either. I asked but never got it and am still struggling

Bolognese · 13/02/2016 00:22

I didn't mean my post to be about belief or non belief. I meant it to be about words of help and actual help. In my experience the former was very genuinely common, the later almost non-existent.

I found over the years 'help' made my burden bigger and the only way I could ever recover was to admit to everyone that it wasn't helping. Sadly I have found that most people who offer words of help want to be thanked for their words not told the truth.

You dont recover from things like this, you become something/someone different.

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/02/2016 00:40

I'm so sorry that was your experience Bolognese. It sounds as though you suffered from being let down by the people around you when you needed them most.

It is not everyone's experience though and I hope the OP can access RL help. But this is just a website. Words are all we have. Words of support, words of advice and words of prayer (given that this is the Religious forum). Some people find that prayer helps. The OP says that she is one.

Dutchoma · 13/02/2016 08:49

It's really sad, Bolognese that in spite of your good intentions, you are the person that Forgiven finds less helpful.

I can see that in many respects you are right, but in the one aspect where you say that 'Praying won't help one jot' you are wrong so far as the op is concerned. Praying has already helped her, our 'words' have already helped her, you have not. That is sad because you want to help, it is sad because you didn't get the help you needed, but please can you accept that it is not helping? Said in the kindest of ways, please?

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/02/2016 17:54

OP, how are you doing today?

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep · 13/02/2016 18:08

ps twice today he has told me he hates me and the day is not yet done. there is time for more yet.

Bolognese · 13/02/2016 18:39

Dutchoma I understand that some people think praying (or kind words) helps. But in my only average experience I have never met anyone that has actually been helped by platitudes. Behind the words is always the real help which rarely gets the credit. So keep taking the placebo sugar pill and I will stick with proven medicine.

Helennn · 13/02/2016 18:47

We all need some care and attention and kind words Bolognese when the chips are down. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean it's wrong. This thread is for forgiven, to try to help her. Please remember that.

poppiesanddaisies · 13/02/2016 18:49

I hope God gives you strength xx

Bolognese · 13/02/2016 18:56

I was trying to give ForgivenNotForgotten some real help, which might not be what she (or others) wants to hear but sometimes its the only way to reach someone. Kind words have their place but not when they actually just facilitate avoiding the real issues.

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/02/2016 19:05

Bolognese, many posters here have offered the OP practical advice. They have also offered to pray for her as she requested because she believes that prayer can help her.

I get that you feel that prayer did not help you. Perhaps you should start your own thread about this and stop Me-railing the OP's.

Bolognese · 13/02/2016 21:27

ok dione I hear you. I will move on.

PunkrockerGirl · 13/02/2016 21:32

Please do, Bolognese. This is obviously the right topic for you.
Sending prayers and hope for you, OP

PunkrockerGirl · 13/02/2016 21:33

Not the right topic

SecretWitch · 14/02/2016 17:34

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and praying for you today.

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