So how would you feel if a friend, you have bent over backwards to help, turns round and says you're going to hell

[Twiglett]

because she's a baptist .. and you're not religious

am kind of stunned at this one

it was intimated that I was damned for all eternity and yet all I have done is bend over backwards to be helpful and kind and probably follow closely the tenets of her religion without actually being a member of it

Yes I'd be kind of stunned too. Was it just because of your lack of religion?

I'd be tbh

I'd be extremely upset and offended.

We were having a discussion about christmas at school and it all came out

I can't stress how much I've put myself out to help this particular person .. as she's been through a horrible time recently

On the face of it I can understand that that is her belief system .. so how else could she react .. but also am saddened and angry and feel quite belittled and disrespected if I'm honest

I'd feel sorry for her. She's deluded and has no idea what the message of Jesus Christ is really about.

How sad that she believes in such a monsterous god.

Surely all religions advocate being kind,thoughtful or at least treating people with kindness?
The fact that you are not religious shouldn't come into it,moral values in my personal opinion are far more important.
I can understand how hurt you are and I think if it were me,I would let the friendship cool rather rapidly.
Good luck.

Was it not done tongue in cheek ??

I was sitting next to Aero at Meet-up meal, and told her that Carmenere and I were good Catholic girls and we could not possibly talk to her as she was Church of Ireland, she offered the fact that her DH was a Catholic, so we decided we could talk to her afterall.

But as I say it was all done in a leg pulling sort of way.

I would feel very sorry for your friend if she allows her religious beliefs to colour her judgment of people like that.

Charming.

Probably similar to the way I felt when one of DH's acquaintances asked (in all seriousness) if we loved our children, since we weren't having them christened...

That's awful!

Some people just don't think about what impact their words have, do they? Like you're really going to turn round and say, "Really??? Quick, sign me up for confirmation classes!!"

I'm sorry but people like that give Christianity a bad name.

I'd end the relationship.

Didn't make me want to have the boys christened, that's for sure!

I'm afraid that isn't what I would refer to as a "friend" . I have many friends of all different religions and whereas we may not agree with each others beliefs we have enough respect for each other as friends not to comment.

wasn't tongue in cheek .. was stemming from her dismay that she feels in a minority as a christian and feels that's wrong because christianity is the national religion
(personally I think Ikea is more likely the national religion but that's another matter) ...

the school is a community school .. which we chose partly because it was a community school and not religious and I know a number of other openly atheistic parents believe the same ..

it was a tricky one

but she's still a lovely person who one just wants to befriend because she needs friends who can cope with her family situation

funny thing is she counts me as one of her best friends at school (which is weird because I consider her a just a friend IYSWIM)

Ikea's more where I'd like to be on a Sunday morning [heathen]

I'd nail her up, Twig.

Shit, sorry!

I think it's fine to have strong beliefs but extremely arrogant to presume that she can judge you.

She sounds extremely narrow minded.

Forgot this wasn't just my living room

I wouldn't end the relationship just because of this,if I did ,would'nt that make me as judgemental as her?I'm assuming this is the first time a remark has been made in this sort of way.
Is there any way that you could discuss her's and your religious belief's and agree to disagree,and what sort of friend is she,when religion does'nt get in the way?Is she equally as helpful to you as you are to her?
To be honest if after answering these questions you get a negative response then I would cool the relationship somewhat and not be in too much of a hurry to bend over backwards for her in her time of need.
Good friends are hard to come by,in my opinion,bad friends need to be kicked to the kerb asap

I hope you get this sorted

What does she bring to the friendship for you Twig? So far yuou have mentioned that you have been reall, really helpful to her and that you are one of the only people who can handle her family situation?!?

I mean is she really good fun, does she have you over for a bottle of wine and a giggle, if you were really stuck would she help you out, does she offer to have your dc's at all?

I'm only asking because it sounds a bit one way this friendship and there is no way that I would allow anyone to speak to me like this. Spirituality is a very personal thing, you can't prescribe it, and frankly imo it is no one elses business. I am not particularly religious but I am 100 per cent confident with my relationship with my God. Just because I don't attend services very often doesn't mean I am any less spiritual than others.

Tbh the moral highground occupied by the 'devout' I find laughable as if they truly understood Christianity they would know that there is no place for it.

I think it's the total lack of respect I find so galling (both to Twiglett and Hunker)

I mean, I might believe that your outfit is the most vile thing I've ever seen and does you no favours - but that doesn't mean I have to tell you, does it? Some thoughts are better kept to yourself!

The woman I said about really thought she was "helping" - she genuinely believed that we couldn't love the boys because we weren't having them christened. It's that sort of thinking that really, really turns me off organised religion.

It puts me off Hunker and I am one!!

I think what really bothers me is that it isn't just inconsiderate, it's ignorant. Very few serious theologians (Or Christians in general) actually agree with anything like these povs.