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Original poster

If you used to be religious but aren't anymore...

44 replies

Vivacia · 04/04/2015 19:17

...what do you miss about having faith and how do you fill the gap?

This thread is inspired by the "what do you enjoy about your faith?" thread. A lot of the aspects listed are things I enjoy without having any religious beliefs. But not all.

So, interested in what others think.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 07/04/2015 22:50

I miss having the sense of an extra parent. My earthly parents were rubbish. I liked the idea of an extra father.

I have learned to parent myself now, to take care of my vulnerable inner child.

I miss Christmas Carols but actually I sneak into church sometimes for carol service :) If all Christian hymns were as fun to sing as carols - or as fun as gospel hymns - I would probably still be going once a week!

LineRunner · 07/04/2015 22:51

I was religious in the sense of compulsory religion as a child and teenager.

I miss the mysticism I suppose.

LifeHuh · 07/04/2015 23:14

I miss knowing God was there. And the joy and hope that sometimes came with that . I miss being able to sing a hymn and have it resonate. Some hymns and carols still make me want to shout. ('Our God, Heav'n cannot hold him, nor Earth sustain '. Yey!!!!)
Oh dear, that sounds weird, doesn't it.You did ask.....

RandomMess · 07/04/2015 23:19

I miss believing that there was a point to living.

Rosieposy4 · 07/04/2015 23:21

I miss nothing, I definitely don't miss the Sunday morning hypocrisy of love and peace in the church followed by bitching and other unpleasant behaviours immediately afterwards over coffee.

Maki79 · 07/04/2015 23:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the posters request.

Rosieposy4 · 07/04/2015 23:23

And random, there is a point, or lots to living. The biologist point is to pass on your genes, the better is to have fun, enjoy yourself, cherish your family and enrich their lives. No family - volunteer with. Charity and enrich someone else's life. Don't need god to do that.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 07/04/2015 23:27

I miss thinking I might see my dead mother and other loved ones in heaven again.

RandomMess · 07/04/2015 23:29

Rosieposy4 I do all those things but it's not the same as having a sense of knowing God's purpose in your life.

I would do anything to not have passed on my genes!!

TheEmpressofBlandings · 07/04/2015 23:32

Hmm it's been a long while since I had any faith (brought up RC, atheist since early 20s). The community aspects I suppose. I don't like the fact that where we live, so many events for children and families are connected to the church. I don't miss any other-wordly type comfort, or think there's a lack of meaning, which i know my dh does.

MamaMary · 07/04/2015 23:35

OK, I'm a Christian, but I'm reading the thread with interest. I have been having doubts about my faith and I do sometimes think I'll lose it and wonder about the aspects I would miss.

Probably the security, sense of peace, and hope.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/04/2015 23:41

I miss the community too. The church I grew up in was like an extended family, going to uni there was an automatic group in the form of the cu. I lost those friends when I lost belief in god and while I don't miss the latter at all I do miss the former.

There really doesn't seem to be a secular alternative that quite fills the space left by the church.

LifeHuh · 08/04/2015 08:30

RandomMess, that's how I feel, when you say 'I do all those things but it's not the same as having a sense of God's purpose in my life' (paraphrase- I haven't worked out cut and paste on my phone...)
I miss the community in a way, but I always found the social bit of church difficult,particularly the disconnect between 'we are just one big happy family' and my actual experience.
OP, you asked what takes its place - not sure anything does, quite,because it was such a big part of life, sort of underpinning everything else.

Original poster
Vivacia · 08/04/2015 10:36

I think there are two things I miss. Firstly, belting out a good song with others Blush (I'm not good enough to join any kind of choir).

Secondly, the kind of prayer that is peaceful and meditative. This is something I've realised I missed, and can quite easily do without belief. I think it's healthy to take five minutes for some peace and contemplation.

Apart from that, life is so much better without religion. Without the nagging doubt that you're wilfully ignoring so many contradictions. Without the smugness.

OP posts:
CheeseBored · 08/04/2015 10:47

Lots.

I miss the feeling that there is a point to my life and to life in general - that God has a plan for me.

I miss the very very comforting notion that I will meet my dad again, and that when my mum dies it won't truly be the end.

I miss being part of an extended church family, a real community.

I miss feeling a sense of guidance. I get a feeling now of being utterly alone in the universe, with nothing to guide me.

Things that fill the gap: poetry. Sometimes the right poem helps me make sense of the huge unfathomable mystery that is being human, in the world. I don't think there are any answers anymore, but poetry can help me 'love the questions'.

I have been part of a large community as part of volunteering, that often felt like church (partly due to the predominance of white haired middle class ladies!)

There are some things that a loss (or giving up) of faith can never replace - i guess it's that god shaped hole.

headinhands · 08/04/2015 11:10

I miss depth of discussion. I guess that's why I like arguing here because it's a similar activity. Where you can ramble and explore in a way you don't get much chance to in everyday life. But other than that no, I don't miss having a god, I am glad I don't have to excuse why he let this or that happen.

Clarella · 08/04/2015 15:42

Can you have faith without being religious?

I ask as when I read I miss feeling there's an extra parent - I'm not religious and totally all into evolution etc but still often feel there's a kind of otherly guide. Unless I have a secure hope? Not a hope for anyone or anything just that life can always get better and is getting better (even when it's shit)

SomewhereIBelong · 08/04/2015 15:46

I was raised Catholic but miss NOTHING of it... nothing... the best day of my life was the day my rather cooky Aunt took me aside and said "You do know it is OK to not believe in God, don't you?"

No, it had not occurred to me til that day - she set me free.

Original poster
Vivacia · 08/04/2015 15:46

I suppose you can have faith in others or in nature... I don't think you need religion. "Otherly guide" sounds like a belief system though.

OP posts:
Clarella · 08/04/2015 15:58

It does doesn't it.

I don't think I mean it to be a noun.

I think I must be agnostic but as I've never 'practiced' any religion out of free will, nor had a desire to, I've not left any sort of structure, so have nothing to miss?

I always took the bible to be a moral tale from being young, just like other stories eg aesops fables etc. But behind all of it is a recognition of respect and goodness to others, and understanding the human condition?

I feel very needed in my place of work so perhaps that fills a space.

pocketsaviour · 08/04/2015 17:50

It's interesting to hear people say they miss feeling that there's a point to existence.

I decided a long time ago that the point of my living was to learn and to grow and to increase, in whatever way, the sum total of human happiness (including my own.)

Regarding the Bible being a moral tale. Not the OT, for sure (or not the kind of moral tale I want!) I do think that the majority of teachings of Jesus (who I do believe existed as a historical figure) are generally positive and helpful. I have recently started to think of Jesus as a political figure rather than a religious one and it has helped clarify for me that I can say "Yep, Jesus said "don't be judgey" and I think he was right" without feeling like some kind of hypocrite, quoting the Bible while not believing in it.

Original poster
Vivacia · 08/04/2015 19:17

I always took the bible to be a moral tale from being young, just like other stories eg aesops fables etc. But behind all of it is a recognition of respect and goodness to others, and understanding the human condition?

Me too, until I started learning more about the passages not mentioned at school or church.

OP posts:
Clarella · 08/04/2015 19:31

I think I meant all moral tales. By no means is the bible moral throughout! But some tales are clearly examples of how not to be. Wink I think this is what I mean.

I also was told of how religion is the opium of the masses quite young too!

I don't know how but when reading in school (we did read it each week age 7+) I was pretty sure of its context and the horror and wrongness of most of it. I don't remember believing any of it, except that Jesus probably did exist as I'm sure many of the characters, but in fact I think it probably proved that the religion it belonged to was a construct.

We had quite an interesting teacher though; he possibly got us thinking about things in a way we wouldn't today. I'm a teacher and I'd feel awkward allowing the questioning of Christianity actually, even though I'm not affiliated to any church schools etc.

pocketsaviour · 09/04/2015 20:43

I think a bit of healthy questioning for kids is fine, as long as there's also a grounding in respect for other people's belief systems.

One thing that really hacks me off is fellow atheists who try to demean others' beliefs.
"I don't share your belief - I'm an atheist" - fine.
"Err I don't have an invisible friend, thanks! DUURRRR" - don't be a dick, dude.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 09/04/2015 23:32

One thing that really hacks me off is fellow atheists who try to demean others' beliefs.

Amen to that, pocketsaviour!