If you used to be religious but aren't anymore...

[Vivacia]

...what do you miss about having faith and how do you fill the gap?

This thread is inspired by the "what do you enjoy about your faith?" thread. A lot of the aspects listed are things I enjoy without having any religious beliefs. But not all.

So, interested in what others think.

I miss nothing; no hole needs to be filled as no hole was left after realising that religion is man-made.

I was a pretty unquestioning CofE believer until my early teens, then I started questioning! I've been a content atheist ever since. I don't miss having religious faith one iota, I feel no 'gap' that needs filling, I'm happy with the short span of my life and the certainty that death is final. I don't struggle with 'why am I here?', 'what is the point of my existence?' etc. - I'm obviously a philosophical sloth.

Accepting that there's no afterlife is very calming.

It is, Vivacia.

Funny , it's the after life I miss most. Lost faith nearly 40 years ago so should be used to it by now!

I miss the idea of what church ought to be, but not really what it was where I grew up.
Singing. Community.
Strangely for a complete non church goer I know the vicar where I live now and I like that i do.

I was LDS growing up, I miss pretty much everything other than the groups who liked to keep you at arms length if your face didn't fit.

Bunnie did you see that documentary about young people from the LDS (I think) getting together for some kind of beach party/event? It followed a couple of people including one young man who was very sincere, very much looking forward to it, but wasn't one of the Beautiful Ones. It was quite sad.

No I didn't, do you know what it was called?

I'm new to not having a faith. I miss the community - my church was small and close. I also miss being able to deal with anxiety with prayer. But am gaining confidence.
what do other non faith people do when cant sleep coz anxious?

bunnie turns out it was Young Mormon and Single by BBC3. It appears to be available on YouTube.

Love51

what do other non faith people do when cant sleep coz anxious?

I don’t believe in God, so I also lack the feeling of reassurance that comes with believing. When I can’t sleep, there are a few different ‘tricks’ I try. A hypnotherapist friend taught me to tense all the muscle groups in the body in turn, hold and then relax, working from the feet up to the head. This really does make you feel more relaxed. It can also be helpful to focus on your breathing and make sure you are breathing slowly and deeply.

I don’t think you should feel you have to give up on all aspects of prayer! That might sound a bit odd, I know. But there is merit in saying your hopes, fears or general thoughts out loud or even internally in a kind of narrative. I talk to myself from time to time when I’m alone – it’s therapeutic! Keeping a journal can be helpful in a similar way.

You sound like someone who might also benefit from being part of a group with a spiritual dimension. Perhaps a yoga or meditation group where you could learn some relaxation techniques and meet new people.

You walked away from a belief system and whole lifestyle when it became clear to you it was no longer tenable. Many would just have continued as before out of fear or habit, carried along by the groupthink of their fellows. What you have done takes courage and shows integrity. Be patient with yourself now and give yourself time to adjust and reconnect into the world in a different but equally rewarding way.

Thank you, I shall have a look, sounds like its the YSA groups ( young single adults ) x

Thank you Outwith

I don't feel that there is any gap/hole in my life that needs filling. I go outside and see the beauty in almost everything, even the current weather. With the sheer appreciation I have for everything around me, the flowers, their vibrance, the animals, my DH, DC and our pets and just life in general, I can't see that I actually have a hole to fill.

I'm not scared of death, I'm going to embrace it and embrace the transition from being a human to being part of the world around me. I want the earth to dine on my body just as I dined on the plants nurtured by the earth.

How did I fill the gap? -I became a leader in the scouts - I realised when I went as an adult helper to a camp, that I missed the comraderie and sense of purpose. And they sing!!!!

I miss the idea of an afterlife - I don't believe in a deity, but I do believe in Jesus as having existed, as a political figure, as a PP described. But what if I lost one of my children? I can't imagine not falling to my knees and praying that I would see them again.

I was in a very upsetting situation very recently, and took a few moments to say the prayer made famous by AA. I skipped over the God bit, but the words calmed and centred me. I think you can still pray, by reminding yourself of how wise you can be, if you can remain calm.

i feel free

I miss the security and reassurance. I miss feeling that, when life went tits up, I could pray and there was a) someone listening b) someone who could make it better again.

I miss the songs. The church I used to go to wasn't big on hymns (except the Christmas carol service) but I miss belting out the Christian worship songs (I bet they don't miss my singing, I used to pity the poor bugger that stood next to me).

I'm not sure I miss anything really, as during the latter part of my religious "life" as a catholic, I went through a divorce, and was made to feel ostracised by the church, rather than supported.

I've since remarried, and my DH and his family are all confirmed atheists. I'd describe myself as either agnostic or spiritual though.

I dislike the thought of organised religion as it causes so many problems in the world, and is filled with hypocrisy. However I do believe we have a purpose, and should do our best to be good people and make a positive contribution to the world and the people around us, and I am very open to the idea of an afterlife. I find certain ideas such as reincarnation and the thought of humanity going through cycles of change, and the part we play in that as individuals fascinating.

I don't miss feeling like a total failure because I didn't let one stupid, untrustworthy man piss my life up the wall because I had mistakenly believed his lies and married him.

I don't miss feeling irritated trying to find sins to confess when I wasn't at all sure I's committed any.

I don't miss the pressure to "put on a show" over religion like the people who never actually go to church but for some reason want a church wedding and insist on christening their children...

I don't miss wondering how the pope could lecture us on contraception and the importance of charity whilst sitting on a goldmine of religious and artistic artifacts, and simultaneously failing to address third world povery and the AIDS epidemic. Although I do actually still feel completely amazed by the hypocrisy of that on a frequent basis.

I could go on, but I will not bore you all!