where is God?

[NoMoreLies]

(Namechanged for this and sorry its long)

I Never doubt the existence of God.

I Never doubt the creator God.

But loving/just/merciful/gracious/forgiving?

what have i done in my life to be punished 24/7?

for a God that knew BEFORE I was born what it would be like, so why didnt he let me die in the womb and save me from all this?

Why was I born into an abusive family? from both parents? physical and verbal abuse all my life (even now).

sexual abuse (rape) from cousin and 'uncle' and ex?

Assaulted and mugged in the street, victimised and targetted by thugs where Ive had to move house numerous times because ,Im disabled (as a result of abuse).

in current place Im living here too being targetted by fecking neighbours who know Im alone with a disabled DC -disabilty discrimination is not important to the police/social services/ everyone else it seems.

Ive never killed anyone, never stolen anything, never robbed a bank, never assaulted anyone,never slandered anyone, always tried to be nice and polite and respectful to everyone (prob why im targetted as Im a doormat).

I want to die, I AM dead, this is not living. in fear all the time.

Where is the protector God? 'do not be afraid, I am with you'.

'vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord'. When? when?

and a disabled child with mental health problems whose not being helped by anyone who also attacks me physically and verbally (12 year old).

why did God give me a child that would continue the lifelong abuse (I love DC to bits btw).

why did he send a man (ex-H)to wine and dine me (claiming he was a christian) and subjected me to worst sexual and physical abuse ever?

And why did I plead for my life when he was trying to kill me? why didnt i let him do it and i wouldnt be like this now?

Disclaimer-I am NOT mentally ill, i will not put this in mental health site, this is about God.

and the few people I tell all this to just throw well meaning but totally unhelpful scriptures at me? No, God is NOT Faithful.

If I didnt have DC id have killed myself by now.

Fiona Pilkington story EXACTLY like mine. But they wont listen or take me seriously.

whern I once mentioned FP to social services and police I was threatened by them of taking DC away from me and putting me in a mental hospital.

Im not mad, Im abused. theres a difference.

So, where is God? and not just in my life. why all the suffering in the world? (And no, dont answer with God gave man a choice/free will shit). If Gods so powerful he could wipe it all out in an instant.

where is he when a womans being raped? a child is being abused? a man is murdered?

This is Hell, there is no Heaven for me. I feel God isa abusing me too. See? feel as ifhes going to punish me for saying that too.

Ive been a faithful Christian for YEARS, ALWAYS trusting in him, always lovin him, always beliving my harvest would come. it never does.

Have you read God Knows My Name?

It's by Beth Redman, who was also abused by her father and has suffered terribly in many circumstances throughout her life, but God has really worked through it with her and she's now able to help us work through it too.... backed by scripture and speaking truth, it opened my eyes when I read it (and I've not been through half of what you have)

This is a snippet from the preview on Amazon (and I can't find another bit I wanted from my copy, so this'll do...)

"God is not like your earthly father. Difficult circumstances do not mean He has failed or abandoned you. He has not left you at the school gate. God does not forget the child He made. He has not put you to one side while He is busy with other people. He is not bored with you and He did not leave you mid project..... If you feel forgotten, I want to encourage you to believe the Word of God when He says "I am with you, to the very end of the age"......Call out to the Lord and he will answer you..... He WILL turn to you and hear your cry. God loves you. He hears you... and he WILL rescue you."

Try it... it can't hurt, right?

thank you for all your posts. sorry if I don't get back to it, I don't want to keep changing my nn from my normal one each time!

Lewis thank you but if anything Id like to know if there any single/lone parent Christians out there (Famous/writers etc) who can honestly say life is STILL hard for them, as the wonderful Adrian Plass says 'how come preachers etc only have had problems in the past?' and theyre fine and dandy now. and all with a partner, not alone.

Or people like Joel Osteen saying God WILL prosper/redeem you. why WILL? why in the future all the time? when? why not now? why NEVER now?

why WILL? why in the future all the time? when? why not now? why NEVER now?

Because he doesn't exist and the only way to keep people believing is to promise that stuff will happen in the future.

NoMoreLies I have no words of help. I am a Christian too. I am so very sorry you are going through all this. I don't understand why good people suffer. I never will.

I hope if you can bare to join a church of people, or any society or group for parents or children with disabilities (or home schooling) to meet people who will really support you and extend love and blessing to you, that you will join something, if it seems appropriate to do so.

You said I don't want to be in a church fellowship just to 'get' something from them IYKWIM, people aren't perfect even in church sometimes. people are NICE but NICE doesn't always cut it. Please do not think in any way that you will be using people to get something if you allow them to help in some way.

You said I was a mistake and should never have been born. I do not believe that, not because of any spiritual reason but because we all have value.

I pray that if it may help you, that you may be able to move to a place that is better for you.

I remember hearing about a survivor of the Holocaust being asked if he had lost his faith in God. He answered no, but that he had lost his faith in mankind.