where is God?

[NoMoreLies]

(Namechanged for this and sorry its long)

I Never doubt the existence of God.

I Never doubt the creator God.

But loving/just/merciful/gracious/forgiving?

what have i done in my life to be punished 24/7?

for a God that knew BEFORE I was born what it would be like, so why didnt he let me die in the womb and save me from all this?

Why was I born into an abusive family? from both parents? physical and verbal abuse all my life (even now).

sexual abuse (rape) from cousin and 'uncle' and ex?

Assaulted and mugged in the street, victimised and targetted by thugs where Ive had to move house numerous times because ,Im disabled (as a result of abuse).

in current place Im living here too being targetted by fecking neighbours who know Im alone with a disabled DC -disabilty discrimination is not important to the police/social services/ everyone else it seems.

Ive never killed anyone, never stolen anything, never robbed a bank, never assaulted anyone,never slandered anyone, always tried to be nice and polite and respectful to everyone (prob why im targetted as Im a doormat).

I want to die, I AM dead, this is not living. in fear all the time.

Where is the protector God? 'do not be afraid, I am with you'.

'vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord'. When? when?

and a disabled child with mental health problems whose not being helped by anyone who also attacks me physically and verbally (12 year old).

why did God give me a child that would continue the lifelong abuse (I love DC to bits btw).

why did he send a man (ex-H)to wine and dine me (claiming he was a christian) and subjected me to worst sexual and physical abuse ever?

And why did I plead for my life when he was trying to kill me? why didnt i let him do it and i wouldnt be like this now?

Disclaimer-I am NOT mentally ill, i will not put this in mental health site, this is about God.

and the few people I tell all this to just throw well meaning but totally unhelpful scriptures at me? No, God is NOT Faithful.

If I didnt have DC id have killed myself by now.

Fiona Pilkington story EXACTLY like mine. But they wont listen or take me seriously.

whern I once mentioned FP to social services and police I was threatened by them of taking DC away from me and putting me in a mental hospital.

Im not mad, Im abused. theres a difference.

So, where is God? and not just in my life. why all the suffering in the world? (And no, dont answer with God gave man a choice/free will shit). If Gods so powerful he could wipe it all out in an instant.

where is he when a womans being raped? a child is being abused? a man is murdered?

This is Hell, there is no Heaven for me. I feel God isa abusing me too. See? feel as ifhes going to punish me for saying that too.

Ive been a faithful Christian for YEARS, ALWAYS trusting in him, always lovin him, always beliving my harvest would come. it never does.

Sweet sweet heavens I have read your post in such sorrow.
I am unsure whether you wish comfort or debate. I'll tentatively go for the latter.

I'm unsure that god is to blame. Sounds very man made. I don't think your life is 'deserved' either. I don't think we deserve luck or ill. (But by heavens it seems you have had an unfair run of ill!) I think god just walks along side. I'm not sure he 'controls' or 'chooses' events to occur. I can't see how that would work with free will.

Are you of a specific faith? I find it easier to rub along with god in my own way. I often struggle when it's prescribed to me, if I'm following a set of rules.... I find him easier in small things I suppose. But I have no trauma such as yours and therefore I'm unsure I can offer more and possibly sound naive or trite. Sorry if so.

Bless you. Thinking of you op. X

There is so much pain here and it sounds like you are close to breaking point.

Where is your church in this?

The answer to your question about where is God is that God is with you. The God that Christians worship is the one who became one with us in Jesus in the form of a baby; not a smiter of the wicked and vengeance. Knowing our pain God works through other people, we are his hands, feet and heart. People aren't perfect so we mess up, but to allow God in it isn't about waiting for the skies to be opened but to allow good people to help you. Those good people can be of any faith and none, but there are good people out there that God can use.

I pray that the right people will be able to listen and hear you.

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way

God is with you all the time...other people are to blame for their actions not him.

Bad things that happen to our bodies are physical and we need to find the strength to rise above and connect to God through our spirit...after all when we die it is this that will spend eternity with him...not our physical being.

He is there...keep in touch with him even through the unimaginable and you will feel his presence and security...it is your precious spirit that is important to him xx

Im so so sorry for what you have been through.

But Im afraid god doesnt exist. Its a man made creation to help control the masses.

You have been through all that utter shit due to other humans. Other humans who are bastards. There is no 'bigger' influence Im afraid.

I'm so sorry that you're having such an unbearably tough time - your pain is palpable.

In a universe ruled by a God who loved us all, you're right, none of these things would have happened to you.

God hasn't let you down and isn't ignoring you because God does not exist.

People exist and it's people who have hurt you.

I'm concerned that the police aren't taking any notice of the bullying you're receiving at the hands of your neighbours. If you're in a council or housing association house, is there any possibility of a transfer?

If not - any possibility of moving to private rented? If you can't afford the deposits and so forth, the council may be able to help with that if you can get a letter from your GP telling them that where you are now is harming yours and your DCs health.

For what it's worth - you don't sound "mad" to me. You sound despairing.

thank you all for your replies.

Like I said I Believe there IS a God, hes just not interested in me. I was a mistake and should never have been born.

And no, I don't believe he is WITH me, no (decent) parent stands by and lets their child suffer.

I am (supposed to be ) a Christian. Theres never a chance \ill ever be atheist, I KNOW God exists and is real, just not in my life.

Thank you all for your thoughts and debates. Ill not post again,on this, going back to old nn ad other threads. just needed to unburden and rant really.another rotten day in this so called life.

thank you.

PS. God made people and allowed them to be evil. if my child misbehaves they are punished but not punished forever, and id rather die than hurt my child in any way.and NO ONE dare hurt my child.

That's a parent.Thats a lovingperson.

PS God didn't make people.

Sorry, should have put in post maybe only those who believe in God should answer,

no offence to non-believers, just want to know where are those Bible promises and stuff?

As thegreenheart says, find a church who will help you through this. You will find a loving God in those people.
When I have been through difficult times ( admittedly nowhere near as difficult as yours ), the church community has been my rock.
We can t always answer your questions, but we can listen and support.
I wish you well.

Just before I go back to my normal nn- Thank you sunnyspot.

I don't want to be in a church fellowship just to 'get' something from them IYKWIM, people aren't perfect even in church sometimes. people are NICE but NICE doesn't always cut it.

James 2:14 comes to mind.

and this is were christians and the church get slammed. as for Joyce Meyer and the like, as good as they are, they seem to have a different God to me!

Theres a character in an Adrian Plass (whos brilliant) book who says the same thing.

It is really hard to be a Christian apart from a church community and it isn't about just taking because if you are part of a community they are with you through the bad times and the good so it all evens up. Nice is the surface but there is good there. Some of the wisest people I know are those real oldies in the congregation who have seen it and done it and got the tea cosy.

People are very definitely not perfect in church but if the fruits of the spirit include kindness and gentleness that it will be a good place to be even if they drive you to distraction at times!

Blessings on you and those you love.

I believe in God - and I am Christian. He's not doing this to you, people are.

Stop looking for Bible verses, or depending on people. You have everything needed to get out of this dark hole. Decide to believe you are alive for a reason.

Stop speaking to or seeing those who cause you any sort of hurt - of course except your son.

Don't ask God for anything, just thank him for keeping you alive for your son.

Join a group with other parents of disabled children and join in charity work when your son is in school.

Don't read your Bible till you feel better. Don't read or watch negative things. Seek out good things to think about. Success is in your hands.

Most important - stop speaking to EVERYONE that hurts you. Except your son.

Can I recommend a book to you? It is by Joyce Meyer. She has gone through many situations. It is called Beauty for Ashes. You can get it off amazon. Here is the information about it:

Many people seem to have it all outwardly, but inside they are falling apart, crushed and wounded by their past, but Joyce Meyer feels God has a plan to heal the broken-hearted and the victims of abuse. For thirty years she suffered the devastating effects of verbal, sexual and physical abuse. Today she has a worldwide ministry of emotional healing for others like herself.... By sharing her personal story, Joyce aims to help other find inner peace through their belief in God.

I love Joyce and her advice has helped me to access God's healing for myself when I was very low.

I recommend god is not great - how religion poisons everything by the intelligent one of the Hitchens brothers. Unfortunately he's also the dead one.

You have been through hell and survived you are tough you do not need god to do things for you life is random and a lot of people don't care about your pain. Please get yourself the help you need from real sources

Where is he? Nowhere. He does not exist. You will find things much easier to accept once you realise this reality.

OK, so when i read the thread title i read it as "where is God" and thought you meant where is he, physically (something ive thought about alot). That is what takes up my thoughts - where is this entity we call God?

So it wasn't - and a very heart rending read that was. I can understand why you don't want to post on mental health as that is not the question that you are asking. But do you think you would benefit from some counselling? Can you get counselling from a religious angle i wonder? I just think you have so much to question over what has happened to you in your life - if i were you i would be raging. Even if you can't get counselling from a religious standpoint, and maybe that would be less tan helpful beause its about YOU and how you process things, a good counsellor will fascilitate this.

Someone is posting because they are at breaking point. They have clearly stated that they believe so posting 'helpful' posts stating that their belief is wrong isn't going to help them or their situation.

Just changed back to this nn to say thank you all for your posts.

Thenightisdark especially.
Thank you for that last post, absolutely right.

giggle Ive read Joyces book, the difference is (and I share many of her experiences) is she found her Prince charming and though Im pleased for her we don't all have a 'Dave' and I think if shed never had met him she wouldn't be in the position she would be now nor would she have confronted her dad without hiim.

Im going back to my usual nn so if Nomore doenst reply that's why. but if anyone wants to pm me they'll be pmming this name im using here.

doesn't help that even though Im supposed to be focusing on DC and the birth of Jesus that this time of year is the worst.

inside I cant get away from the abusers (neighbours included) and I try not to depend on anyone, I believe in getting on with it as much as I can, limited due to being disabled.

and DC (a girl) is now home schooled as her disabilities make it impossible for her to be in a school envioronment. and no, no one helps with her schooling, the education people wash their hands of it.

Someone is posting because they are at breaking point. They have clearly stated that they believe so posting 'helpful' posts stating that their belief is wrong isn't going to help them or their situation.

Not true. If someone was posting that they were in all these situations because the FBI are involved with alien conspiracies and that has caused all the pain in their lives, it would be THE MOST HELPFUL thing to help them to realise that there is no conspiracy because that is the first step to getting help.

Same situation here. The sooner one realises that there is no support for existence of the supernatural, the sooner they can stop assuming that their god will swoop in and sort everything out.

Everyone can be in charge of their own lives, what the OP needs is not some religious faff, it's genuine support. Perhaps councilling or maybe just a good friend.

I've had a milder version of your life, and that's been bad enough. But, yes, abuse all the way - including my 'christian' husband who was the worst of the lot (by far); and now my kids. I am just watching the Bible thing on 5* - bit disappointed, very dramatic and arm-flingy - but he is in the garden of Gethsemane now and I can relate to that, as I expect you can too.

As for Joyce's Dave, I'm not sure he's all that great tbh - reading between the lines, I think she's had a rough time with him, caused her a lot of heartache. She's an interesting woman, Joyce. I watched her stuff for ages but it started to do my head in and Ive given it a break. I love the woman though.

I'll pm you the rest. Not exactly safe in here is it.

Not suggesting Dave is an abuser, just very (very) difficult imo.