Op, I understand what you mean, I think the same way.
I believe in the Creator God, I believe in Jesus, the cross and resurrection, I am a Christian.
But a loving, just, Gracious God?
....I just don't get how so much crap is allowed to happen.
When I became born-again many moons ago, I was led to believe God was like Gandalf/Santa/Genie of the lamp and all my problems in childhood would go away and Id live happily ever after. I havent. Things got worse. Not by my free will either, by trying my best to live an honest Christian life.
I dont get why children have to suffer for the 'sins of their fathers' or whatever, I dont un derstand why God knew (just one example) the terrorists got on that plane and drove it into a building, a plane full of innocent families,a buil;ding full of workers). why didnt He strike the terrorists down or do a 'Damascus' on them?
and its okay to question all these things, after all God gave us a brain and an inquisitive mind.