Hi - I would really appreciate some perspective from anyone who is Christian and living with a non-Christian partner or vice versa.
My partner left me 18 months ago. We had lived together as if we were married for 16 years and have 3 children together. Things had been tense in the household for a couple of years, lots of stressful things going on, 2 full-time jobs, a redundancy, extra study, teenage turbulence and so on. We both stopped relating to each other properly and I think withdrew into ourselves to cope.
A new rector came to our local church and my partner was invited to join a men's group then do an Alpha course. He seemed to gain a lot from this. But he didn't talk to me about it and I felt excluded and pushed away. He started judging my behavour by Christian standards, if I said sorry for somethng for example, he said I wasn't truly sorry because I hadn't sought Jesus and true forgiveness and so on. And at the end of an email disagreement he said that he would pray for me, I found this very patronising at the time - it seems to be to saying that the other person's view is right and they have God on their side too. Maybe I am interpreting this wrongly.
Prior to all this we had attended church as a family about 10-12 times a year but soon I felt as if I wasn't welcome anymore and once we were separated, if I did attend, my partner criticised me because he knew I wasn't fully committed (by then he had been confirmed).
Over the last 18 months I have told him repeatedly that I love him very much, I want to be reconciled and make changes that would improve our family life and prioritise us as a couple (something we had lost). At first he said he would set up counselling through the rector but I was not ready for this at the time (he had just done the Alpha and it didn't feel as if it would be neutral territory). I asked for some neutral counselling, he did not agree. I did set up a Relate family counselling session just to see if we could start talking and try and support the children. He did not attend.
All our contact since has been in situations that encourage conflict (talking about money, childcare arrangements and so on). So we have had huge rows but nothing to help us as a couple and he is not willing to meet to focus on us.
He now says he has moved on and in the last few weeks has actively sought and found a Christian partner through a website. He has told our children she is making him very happy.
I'm sorry if I have explained too much but I could really do with some help from someone who can explain why a Christian being with another committed Christian is so significant. He is prepared to put his personal gain from this over any constuctive attempt to rebuild his family. Yet I see many 'halves of a couple' at church where the other partner does not attend. I am totally distraught over all this and cannot bear the situation for my children. Of course there are other personal issues involved and I am sure faith is not the only thing that led him to this. But I feel as if he has gone somewhere I can't go. Any perspectives would be really helpful. Thank you.