Had long talks with two young docs tonight. Stop dehumanising and depersonalising people. Don't ever do it. If you start, leave the profession. You do no service to anyone. How can I trust you, with the life of my child, when you don't even bother to know my name? If you don't have space to handle people and your duties then you are in the wrong profession, nurses and other healthcare professionals do it all the time.
One of them, he told me tonight that he became a doctor because of A's consultant.
I told him, her failings are but one, yet significant, for even the great have feet of clay. And that hers what that she would never stand listening to him like that. She doesn't know this because she's not the sort he's been able to approach. That he told that to me instead. I asked him why. He said, and I took it as a great compliment, no offense, but you seem like a friendly mum.
This man is young enough to be my son. This young man I would burst with pride to have as a son.
I told the other that I had been sent to the consultant's colleague, a professor himself, and that when asked how it had gone, by others, I had replied that it was a great kindness to have known him, that he is a role model for all in his profession, and as a human being.
What have we now?
Every day I write a quote on the white board, where you go to wash your hands.
One asked me, where I got such things, was it online? I said sometimes, but it was mostly stuff from my own trivial memory.
'I should have had her when I was well,' is today's. From John Keats.
How can I stop feeling we trusted the wrong ones? We can't.
We put our faith in them and not God and in our child herself.
We bought into the scare.
I told the transplant doc, 'Have I not told you all, what I am, because you asked? You take trust for granted. Why? I'd never do that, and I've held the life of professors, famous authors and hotel cleaners alike in my hands, and mine in theirs. We all bleed red. What is wrong with you? You think you're impervious to it all? What planet is that, because I want to go live there? Your boss is afraid of me. Why? Her colleague is afraid of my friend. I can tell you now, she's one of the cleverest people I've ever met, but all you people hear is East end of Glasgow. What a stupid waste on your part! Why do you waste your life like this?'
Oh, who fucking cares? They obviously don't.
We bet on the wrong horse, is what it boils down to.