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Original poster

To just go to a jehovahs witness meeting?

796 replies

blobtobetter · 07/04/2012 21:05

One of the older women at work is a Jehovah's Witness. I don't really know what they are but they don't like blood or birthdays. I thought they were just another type of Christian but apparently not.

She keeps asking me to go to a meeting and I keep putting her off. Thinking now that I should just go once and then never again!?

It sounds really shallow but I wouldn't want to give up Christmas!!

Part of me wonders what it would be like. Would they be over friendly? Would they be distant as I am a heathen type? Can't imagine it really.

OP posts:
SophieNeveau · 09/04/2012 12:56

White, are you worried your posts on here will out you?

DerbysKangaskhan · 09/04/2012 13:03

I don't think everyone is any group is happy. My husband's grandmother (and late grandfather) seems very happy -- but they converted as adults with mostly grown children at that point so many of the issues with children didn't come up (none of their children took it on to my knowledge) and she has a wonderful relationship with them and all her kids, grandkids, and 17+ great grandkids even without all the holidays and birthdays stuff.

My DH has a lovely relationship with her even after he became a Noahide. I was a bit worried but she seemed genuinely happy for him and us -- possibly because it meant someone else in the family was religious (most are not at all, DH's stepfather is a vocal atheist who pokes fun at her often) and she had someone else to not do Xmas with her Grin.

I think it would be much harder to be happy if there were a lot of family issues entangled in it though.

calzone · 09/04/2012 13:10

IMVHO I really think you should be true to yourself and either build up a faith in Jehovah or leave.

Do you want to live forever in paradise or not? Did you go to their memorial last week?

Everything you do must seem such a waste of time! Preaching, studying, meetings, association.

I do think JW's are happy because they have a hope for the future, that this life is not all it is and that the prophecies from the Bible are all coming true. However, this does not suit everybody.

SophieNeveau · 09/04/2012 13:18

I have some JW questions.

When OP goes, you said there willl be a love bomb, how long before it ends? When are new people expected to go out door knocking? What happens, other than frowns if White only goes to one meeting a week?

Jesus is a creature to JW? Shock

PosiePaques · 09/04/2012 13:21

They come from weirdy Millerites.

WhiteShores · 09/04/2012 13:22

SophieNeveau Yes, I am walking a fine line between keeping enough details private, and offering an 'eye in' to the outside world. Yours is an apt reminder, though. Thanks

SophieNeveau · 09/04/2012 13:27

White, how many personal questions are you asked then, from the congregation? How are you approached? How often, for how long do you attend?

calzone · 09/04/2012 13:28

There are nearly 7 million JW's worldwide so I am sure WS will not be outed on here!!

There is a strict procedure before someone goes out preaching. You would need to know the basic beliefs of the Bible and to have built a faith in Jehovah and know he is the true god.

People are friendly. Why would they not be? It is not a love bomb! It would be more of a welcome and a friendly hello more than anything else.

Nothing would happen if she only went to one meeting per week.

What does it mean that 'Jesus is a creature to JW's'?

SophieNeveau · 09/04/2012 13:29

Creature was mentioned earlier, as was love bomb.

GinPalace · 09/04/2012 13:30

Calzone it is all very well to say that honesty to yourself is all that matters and leave if you can't be - but at what cost?

It isn't that simple. Internally - attending those meetings is a way to spend time with loved ones, even if to the outside, it looks like you are also worshipping. Inside there is no hypocrisy because she is there under duress almost.

And the waste of time has to be weighed against what would be lost if she left. It is a hard choice and only so because neither choice is a good one!

WhiteShores · 09/04/2012 13:35

calzone I think that JWs who believe what they are doing (and most do) are very happy. And as I have said all along, my JW relatives are all very good people whom I love immensely.

However, the sad fact is that people like me (raised JW and baptized young) effectively become trapped in the system.

I cannot build up a 'faith in Jehovah' because I simply do not believe any more. It would be like asking you to build up a faith in Allah (assuming you are not Muslim), or to build up a faith in the goddess (if you are not pagan). I have thoroughly read and digested all JW 'evidence' over a lifetime, and I simply do not believe it is correct.

Asking me if I want to live in paradise or not is like asking you if you want to go to Valhalla or not. It is a pointless question when you do not believe the place exists (and I don't).

Yes, I went to the memorial (although not sure why its relevant). And I do not go to all the meetings, just enough regularly to keep family from rallying/panicking about my eternal life. I do not preach.

Believe me, I would like to leave. As I have been saying all along, I will lose my entire extended family if I do (and break their hearts). Many of them are dependent on me in varying degrees and my leaving would also put them in great hardship. I cannot do that to them to save myself because I love them.

WhiteShores · 09/04/2012 13:41

As calzone says, going to the meetings is not compulsory (although highly encouraged). I could go to ZERO meetings and I would not be disfellowshipped/shunned.

However, I do have to keep JW rules or I will be disfellowshipped/shunned (if caught/reported).

WhiteShores · 09/04/2012 13:45

SophieNeveau I would only be questioned by the congregation if somebody reported me for sinning/breaking the rules.

This involves being taken into the back room by a small group of elders (men who 'shepherd' the congregation), and interviewed.

My family would report me very quickly (if caught), as they would believe this was the only way to save my eternal life.

WhiteShores · 09/04/2012 13:51

The creature reference is from when I said JWs believe Jesus is a 'spirit creature' and not God himself, but his firstborn son.

There is nothing derogatory meant by the word creature as in 'spirit creature', it is just a phrase JWs use, and is meant the same way as 'entity' or 'living being'.

SophieNeveau · 09/04/2012 13:57

Thanks for explaining creature.

What rules would you break? I assume friends?

calzone · 09/04/2012 13:58

I do realise this is a terrible situation to be in and I really really feel for you and I am sorry to ask so many questions.

However, surely if you left and carried on with your normal life with DH and DS/DD and baby then you would not be committing any sin.

You would only be disfellowshiped if you were smoking or had an affair or did something illegal. Associating with non worshipers would not be a disfellowshipping.

lisad123 · 09/04/2012 14:05

Whiteshores I feel very sad for you Sad not because you don't want to be a witness but because you feel you can't leave when clearly you want to. I left as a teenager because it was all too much rules ect and I didn't have a relationship with god at that point. Half my family are witnesses but many are not. I don't know what I would do if mine shunned me Sad
I hope you find a way to be happy.
Btw, she certainly has not told us anything that would out her.

WhiteShores · 09/04/2012 14:07

SophieNeveau a sample:

  • No involvement/celebration of any holidays (Christmas, Easter, Valentines, Halloween, birthdays, etc.)
  • No smoking.
  • No voting or political activism.
  • No military involvement.
  • No accepting of blood transfusions or major blood products (no matter what).
-No keeping/reading of other religious paraphernalia. -Non-recognition of divorce as valid (unless partner commits adultery) -No association with non-JWs beyond what is minimally required (eg. at school, work, or unbaptised non-JW family members)

There are more, these are just the more serious ones.

SparklyGothKat · 09/04/2012 14:13

I have to ask White, do your husband and child celebrate birthdays and Xmas? They are non believers so must be hard if they do, or hard on them if they don't.

WhiteShores · 09/04/2012 14:14

calzone Thank you for empathising Thanks .

Unfortunately, smoking and having an affair are not the only rules that can lead to disfellowshipping (I've posted a list above, but even this is just a sample).

Associating with non-JWs would not get me disfellowshipped immediately, but I would be reported by my family, questioned by the elders, advised to stop, etc. If I persisted, I would begin to be disciplined in some way (for rebelling against elders' advice), and if I still continued then I would be disfellowshipped.

So you are right, it would not get me shunned right away, but it would steadily walk me down that path until I was.

Again, it would be my own family reporting me (trying to save me).

calzone · 09/04/2012 14:14

No involvement/celebration of any holidays (Christmas, Easter, Valentines, Halloween, birthdays, etc.) Would you want to join in with these celebrations? What do your DH and child do atm?

  • No smoking. Do you want to take up smoking? As DS1 says it is expensive, smelly and it kills you!! Wink
  • No voting or political activism. Do you want to vote?
  • No military involvement. Do you want to join the army? Smile
  • No accepting of blood transfusions or major blood products (no matter what).
A tricky one but then I would not accept a blood transfusion as the recovery is worse than without. I would go for alternatives and am not sure the blood issue is as bad as it was years ago due to an increase of medical knowledge.

-No keeping/reading of other religious paraphernalia. You have already said that you would not be any religion so possibly not valid?

-Non-recognition of divorce as valid (unless partner commits adultery) Is that likely?

-No association with non-JWs beyond what is minimally required (eg. at school, work, or unbaptised non-JW family members) Is this really a major sin??

These are just questions not judgements. I know plenty of JW's who have left and not been shunned.

SophieNeveau · 09/04/2012 14:16

I wouldn't do those things anyway, other than vote and friends and family. I have become disillusioned with things like Christmas etc anyway. Would you be shunned for spending time with family not in JW, you don't livewith?

SparklyGothKat · 09/04/2012 14:16

Yea White wouldn't be able to go out clubbing it every weekend getting drunk and smoking, with her 'worldly friends' as she would be reported. The only thing that would change would be no meeting weekly. She would have to still live as she is now.

calzone · 09/04/2012 14:17

So do you spend any time with people who are not witnesses? What about friends your DH has?

calzone · 09/04/2012 14:18

I am sure that WS said she was expecting a baby so not sure clubbing, drinking and smoking would be up her street at the moment!!

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