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Original poster

to just want a cuddle at this time.

21 replies

thegauntlet · 02/12/2011 20:06

We have sold our car, got rid of the dog :(, flogged the furniture, rented the house, left our jobs, our friends and our city and are in missionary college being theologically prepared for overseas missions work in our jobs. We were meant to be going to Mozambique in June. I am now 25 weeks pregnant with DD2 ( DD1 is 18 months)

4 weeks ago I got the willies, regarding malaria prophylaxis of the new baby and some other stuff and we are waiting for a new placement, if our missions organisation have anything at all. We have a meeting to find this out on Tuesday. I am really struggling. I am not sleeping well; waking up and panicking about 'what if' etc.

I am just feeling really rubbish at the moment, 5 sleeps until we find out about the rest of our lives and DH is totally withdrawing from me and being all quiet and giving an atmosphere all the time. We are basically both really in need and need from each other, but it seems neither of us are able to meet the other's needs. From my point of view I feel abandoned, but I know that he is just struggling as well.

I just want to shout out at him and cry ' but I am bloody pregnant, and dealing with a willful toddler, and not sleeping and managing everything about Christmas as well as missing all my friends and missing my life' but I dont think that would do any good at all. AIBU to just want a cuddle and some support at this time?

OP posts:

TheMonster · 02/12/2011 20:07

You sound bonkers! That's a lot to deal with.

Original poster

thegauntlet · 02/12/2011 20:11

thanks, yes I am bonkers, but also pretty desperate. great.

OP posts:

noddyholder · 02/12/2011 20:13

Why are you doing it if it is so stressful?

Bluestocking · 02/12/2011 20:16

Blimey, mate, whose idea was this? You're not at all unreasonable to want a cuddle and some support but I'd love to know how all this happened in the first place.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 02/12/2011 20:19

Seriously, what are you doing? You have a toddler and are pregnant and you are going to be a missionary? OK I may have this totally wrong, but is a missionary, these days, about feeding the starving and building wells and stuff, or is it still a matter of bothering the 'natives' with your preferred brand of superstition? Even if your 'mission' is about help rather than crap-peddling, surely it could wait till your DC are older - surely you could find ways of helping other people in your home country, for one thing.

smellsofreindeersick · 02/12/2011 20:20

It's pretty unsuprising you're freaking out with all that's going on in your life.

I think you need to pin DH down for a serious chat, preferably somewhere without DD and maybe neutral territory like a restaurant or coffee shop.

Failing that, I'd imagine at theological college there must be some kind of pastoral element for students in your situation. Can you have a chat with a pastor/ tutor?

Really hope you start to feel a bit better and get some communication going with DH.

Chulita · 02/12/2011 20:35

Just pm'd you gauntlet

greenbananas · 02/12/2011 20:39

YABU to be posting on mumsnet. But apart from that, YANBU.

Get some support from the people around you. Mumsnet is not the place to be finding the strength to go into the mission field...

Good luck to you!!!!!

lynyrdskynyrd · 02/12/2011 20:39

Your post says between the lines: I don't want to do this. You may have taken on too much, perhaps you need a break from it all to see it in perspective, to make sure its really what you want and its really the right time to do it. Being a parent is hard enough without having to follow some sort of vocation. Dont be scared to back out or say no more, it will take a good deal more courage than passively drifting into something that isnt right for you. Be brave, get a bit of perspective, and see if you feel differently.

Waswondering · 02/12/2011 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waswondering · 02/12/2011 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MNHQ

OliviaMumsnet · 02/12/2011 21:04

Hi there
We'll move this out of AIBU -

Gentleness · 02/12/2011 21:06

I think when such a big change is looming, it is perfectly normal to get doubtful - even about something you are totally convinced in. And being afraid is normal too. And needing extra cuddles when your pregnant is too. And dealing with a toddler is utterly draining some days, emotionally and physically. It is all normal. You are not being unreasonable. He is probably not being unreasonable either - sounds like it is just a paralysing time for you both. Sometimes one of you has to be a bit demanding to shake the situation out a bit - pray first, ask for that cuddle, remind him of ALL the MANY theological reasons that he HAS to support you spiritually and in every other way, commit to him in love and take it from there.

Oh - and yes, you should be getting a lot of support from your church, and you may need to ask for that too if they aren't being great at noticing. Not that pregnant women are hard to miss, but you know what I mean!

I really feel for you - that is so much to handle at once.

EricNorthmansMistress · 02/12/2011 21:08

Did you want to be a missionary? Why? This scheme seems mad to me.

JamieComeHome · 02/12/2011 21:11

Whatever it was that you were planning to do - if involves travel, exposure to disease and the stress of caring for others, it's no wonder you are so worried.

Can you explain why he is struggling?

JamieComeHome · 02/12/2011 21:12

Also, I don't know why you can't shout at him and cry. Sometimes it's necessary to bring things to a head.

JamieComeHome · 02/12/2011 21:15

.... within reason

Waswondering · 02/12/2011 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tassisssss · 02/12/2011 21:37

thegauntlet, the thing sometimes is that when you're heading to the mission field it's assumed that you're some kind of super-christian who doesn't ever get doubts or feel weak or struggle with pregnancy etc.

When you're generally quite capable and a coper you sometimes have to make it very obvious to people that you're struggling a little and need a bit of support (husbands included).

Hang in there. Being 25 weeks preg with an 18 month old can be tough anyways, you're dealing with loads just now, cut yourself some slack.

LittleDonkeyhadaMadHairDay · 03/12/2011 11:02

I feel for you - sounds like you're going through a really hard time. I wonder if you are questioning this whole thing. Maybe it is a question of timing. I would always say in such circumstances that you need to be fully convinced - both of you - in it together, and if you are feeling in any way pressured, or that this is the wrong thing, then you should say this to dh, and talk it through together. YANBU to want a hug. Can you defer the placement at all and concentrate on having your baby and really thinking through what may be right for you all as a family? Apologies if you really do feel this is the right thing at this stage. Even if it is, you really need to talk it through - and break through this barrier between you and dh, because it will only get worse if left. Screaming is ok!

In the end, I know well that sometimes God calls people in unlikely and uncertain times and seasons, but that in the end this is actually the right thing and works out amazingly. And if you've felt this call then hold on to that hope, but as pp have said cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself.

blackeyedsanta · 03/12/2011 11:50

do superchristian underpants come in maternity size?

have pmed you. hope you get some rl support. pop over to the prayer thread to help share the load.

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