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Philosophy/religion

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Mum is losing the plot. Should I say anything?

5 replies

IngridBergman · 11/04/2011 08:15

I hope you don't mind me asking on here, I want to make it clear that I don't consider religion in itself to be the issue, and I don't want to come across as saying that everyone who is involved in the church is nutty as a fruitcake.

However with my Mum it's a bit more complicated.

She's always been obsessive and until recently she was getting on pretty well, being fairly normal and so on, only occasionally very annoying (not good on boundaries) and we sorted those things out as they came up. She had long term therapy which seemed to help a lot, but it stopped a few years ago and I wonder if this is why it's going a bit wrong.

Lately she's started being really odd and I don't remember her being like this since I was a little girl, so it makes me really uncomfortable.
She's started to confess things to me. She has got very heavily involved in the church, struggling it seems all the time with overscrupulous thoughts and behaviour - really obsessive - asking me what she should tell the priest about, going to several groups which is a good thing, obviously, in terms of helping the elderly and so on but it's becoming constant.
She starts conversations wherein she 'needs' to confess or apologise to me for past perceived wrongs (I don't want or need this from her, they are not things I considered wrong, but she says the church does) and worrying too much about what my children might do, which I shan't go into as it gets into embarrassing territory, but you can probably guess.

I'm not a church person though I hold my own sort of faith - I just grew up to distrust many elements of the organised set up I was exposed to as a child (Catholicism) though I appreciate it had many good points also.

I wouldn't mind her going to church or being religious but this is extreme and I feel it's just an outlet for her obsessiveness - it seems really unhealthy to be constantly worried, overanalysing, feeling guilty (eg the other day, they passed a dead rat on the road and it took her about another mile to decide that she had to go back and make sure it wasn't in need of help, because God would want her to)

I just feel lost about it, tempted to write her an email saying how I feel worried about her and do on but I'm not sure it would help and I don't want to make things worse.

I just feel like I'm turning into the adult and she's becoming a vulnerable, unhappy child again and I can't deal with it very well.

Any guidance would be much appreciated, thankyou.

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IngridBergman · 11/04/2011 08:17

Btw she is very helpful and lovely about most things but this seems to be taking over. I don't want to sound like she is totally deranged or unable to function, she has a p/t job, is a kind and good person but it seems like she needs this 'thing' - maybe a father figure - to rule her entire life.
I know her father was abusive and it all seems so connceted.
I don't know, it makes me really sad.

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blinks · 11/04/2011 08:20

i think you should post this in mental health, to be honest... sounds like she may be having obsessive thoughts which is a disorder in itself.

is there anyone else in your immediate family that could talk to about it? it may help if there's more than one person saying the same thing.

IngridBergman · 11/04/2011 08:25

Blinks that's a great idea, I was trying to find the right topic and forgot about MH. I'll repost there.

No one else around really - my sister lives a long way away and doesn't have much patience with mum, I tried mentioning it to her but she doesn't want to discuss it I don't think. I don't blame her.

Dad just goes along with it.

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blinks · 11/04/2011 10:06

dad 'just going along with it' is as big a problem... i think you need to tackle him on this in order to best help your mum.

at the end of the day though, you can do your best to help, can lead the horse to water etc but if she doesn't accept help, you're limited in what you can achieve. my instinct is a united front from you, your sister and your dad might encourage her to get some help. GP would be an appropriate first point of contact, then hopefully a referral onwards.... does she/has she suffer(ed) from depression/anxiety disorder?

IngridBergman · 11/04/2011 10:14

Yes, thankyou Blinks - she does, and always has to some extent. I have reposted here, if you would like to follow it.

Not sure we could muster a united front, but will think on't.

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