Hello spiritual people, I have a difficult question for you.

[WillfSelll]

I've posted a similar one over in mental health. I am interested in your perspective on personal change...

I am very open in many ways, yet the one thing that causes me most anguish is usually myself. I'd like to change some of that, but I have no idea how. Of course, I know what I 'should' do - that's easy - but I have no clue how to 'do' it.

I'm hoping some of you will understand this dead end. And wondering if you have a spiritual or philosophical view about it, perhaps having gone through such a process of change yourselves. Religion and spirituality don't really play a big part in my life, and this isn't really about that; but all the people I know who are engaged in spiritual matters seem somehow more able to take personal decisions and act on them.

What I am bothered about may well seem minor (my chronic disorganisation) but it is so much a part of 'me' that trying to change it seems fairly fundamental.

I have no sense of how to move towards something else.

You're not a virgo are you?
Seriously though, I believe that we choose our lifepaths and to some extent choose to be born into certain characteristics that will assist us on life lessons. For example: I am a scorpio. I am a control freak and I have been know to be insanely jealous. These qualities make me, me. I don't think I could ever change that. But I believe that I chose to be this way to assist me in learning life lessons, and to overcome some aspects of myself. I think I've got over the jealous thing, but it's taken me years.
I think you have to ask yourself some questions.
Do you believe that your chronic disorganisation is somehow affecting your life in a negative way? Or, has someone else commented on it and that is what has made you think?
x

Thank you. Not a Virgo.
I do think that my disorganisation is something I would like to be able to change, but I don't feel very confident I will be able to follow it through.

It IS causing me problems - I am dropping the ball at work and not achieving what I want to; but more importantly, I am gradually realising the corrosive effect it has on my family life at home. I am not a good 'homemaker' though desperately want to be, nor do I give enough time to my kids (evenings and weekends 'catching up' all the time).

I'd like to feel balanced, calm and aware of my limits. I guess that's why I think it's partly a philosophical or spiritual journey as much as an intellectual one...

Hmmm. Feeling balanced and calm, yes is something that I have found more achievable through a 'spiritual journey' but it doesn't necessarily make one less disorganised and certainly no less busy.

If you have too much to do, and too many responsibilities then it is difficult to feel calm and balanced. In fact for some people finding time to meditate or pray or do yoga only adds to the pressure they feel. Perhaps some time management skills and prioritisation would be just as effective?

But here is how 'spirituality' has helped me.... I no longer believe that I have to be a 'good person', I am fine just as I am. And it is OK for me to say no to requests, my salvation is not through doing everything for them. I have mental calm which means that I don't get as anxious about things in the future or hold as much guilt about things from the past. And that makes it much easier for me to deal with things when they do happen.

Willf - you could look at NLP - it is good at creating changes in behaviours and beliefs. I like to call it "brainwashing" cos it cleans the brain of crap that's dragging you down and gives you shiny new behaviours and beliefs to work with instead.

It doesn't transform you overnight - but it will certainly help you to achieve the changes you truly want to make. ONe thing though - you have to truly want to make the changes, otherwise what's the point? BUT - if you decide the change is too great for your persona, then you can change your attitude to the person you are already - become more accepting of who and what you are and work better within your limitations.

Either way - it's great. I know this isn't spiritual as such (apart from me evangelising about it) - but it could help you.

sorry - NLP = neuro-linguistic programming.

I stumbled across this book recently in the library and found it surprisingly helpful. I'm disorganised too and always feel like my mind is on anything other than what I'm doing right now - this book contained some very basic ideas and principles to help you manage that.

There are probably other books on the same topic that are better / as good as this one - this is just the one I happened to pick up! The author is / was a Christian pastor as well as a psychologist so there is a christian slant to it, which would have put me off if I wasn't a Christian myself.

I was also going to say that, as a Christian, what really helps me is the sense of acceptance I feel for what and who I am. Knowing that there is nothing I can do that will make me more or less loved by God is very reassurring. Also, as venusandmarzipan said, I have a sense of there being nothing that can truly shake me. I feel well 'anchored', if that makes sense. The fear is taken out of life (and death) and there is a much greater sense of acceptance for the things I cannot change or control, and courage to face up to those things that I can.

Thank you so much for your considered and thoughtful responses. Exactly what I was hoping for. I will think on, and respond soon...

WillfSelll,

Do you know anything about chakras? I ask because they might assist you in feeling more balanced.

Have you considered ADHD? My sone were dx with this, and through them, I was dx as an adult. I now sometimes take med but had also read a lot about ADHD and coping strategies which also helped. Disorganisation, was, and is, a big problem for me and my kids. I am supposed to help keep them on track, major problem when can't keep myself on track.

If you want to look at an evidence based approach, CBT would be helpful. NLP sounds sciency but its not, although some techniques may have similar effects to CBT (re-inforcing positive thought processes).

Here are a couple of articles about using CBT to help with ADHD symptoms. Even if you don't have ADHD or ADD, chronic disorganisation is a main symptom, so worth a read maybe

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1635.html

and http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/912.html

Try again, www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/912.html and www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1635.html

Lots of self help books in the library on this subject and giving yourself time to read them will be Therapeutic Too.

Can I recommend a few books?

The Dissapearance of the Universe by Gary Renard

Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh

A course in miracles

Look them up on amazon - all spiritual bpols good for a 'journey' in life!

WHy not try 5 minutes meditation each day - set yourself 5 mins of quiet time. I find when I do this regularly it helps calm me and helps me feel more "together" and at peace with myself, more organised and less peed off with everyone else in the household! .

There's heaps of stuff on the web about meditating and buddhism if you're interested...

Good book - I like Buddhism for MOthers by Sarah Napthali or Buddhism for Mothers of School Age Children.. by her.

Or Hand Wash Cold - Karen Maezen Miller - who writes that there is a time for everything. A time to do the dishes, time for laundry, time for the kids. I like the idea - not that I'm v good at always doing it.

tricky isn't it? I DO know you should avoid the curse of the 'shoulds', and look to spending a ridiculous amount of time reflecting on the 'why', rather than launching into the tactics of the 'how'.

of course meditation is all good stuff, but some peeling back of the onion skins before selecting ways of 'change' is a bit essential. IMVHO.

* Well,you are the Wise One.Instead of trying to change the World...you
possess the common Sense-to change Yourself First.Take it 1-Step at a time.
1st...change your daily Routine.If you shlep round the house,ignoring yourself,
then Clean up,get that makeup on,get to the hairdressers,look Good(so you
feel Good about YOU);Now, in your Quiet Times,Make a List of things you want
To Change about yourself-and Begin with the # 1 most Important Item.As you
Develop a new Routine,and get Used to it...Suddenly...There you ARE! All NEW.
Don't put this OFF.You're not getting any Younger.The World Awaits the New
YOU! jill.

Myself soul of happiness,
I am in confusion so i need a spiritual guidance to travel in a path of spirituality.

I don't know why, but i have a lot of Patience so i think that patience is a gift given to me by God. If anyone hurts me or cheats me, i will handle such situation with patience and play the role of God. But when i see if anybody hurting or cheating Good people, i will lose my patience and handle such situation with anger and i play the role of devil.
So my question is such type of duality in me is good or bad..?