Yo Wynken! Today I visited my local gun shop

[Slubberdegullion]

and bought myself a lovely big shiny gun

heh heh heh

no

not really

I am now the proud owner of an ACME 211 and a half (no pea) plus a camouflage green lanyard.

And Wynken, you know what, the gun shop dude gave me EXACTLY the same chat he gave you. He made me write it down and everything. It was of vital importance that I did not lose the bit of paper with my number on it.

Eleison, my dog is a scruffy brown thing, sort of Labradoodle job but with a little bearded collie in for good measure. Think cartoon brown mutt and you have it. She was an accidental litter as her father could open doors and the breeder had to have the pups DNA tested so she could be sure. This is her. She has delusions of grandeur though as she has a Holly and Lil collar (I got into a lot of trouble when I mentioned that on here last time!)

SATs were the human kind for the reason we have the above mentioned brown mutt in the first place ie. 11 year old DD. However the dog's certificate for passing
her training course has pride of place currently on the fridge.

Huge congratulations to your dog on the Bronze, that is KC and all the more impressive than our random dig school certificate.

That is dog school, not dig school. She's in trouble again as just eaten DS's swimming hat.

Oh she is gorgeous Wynken!

My dog would have done well at dig school.

KC certs v dumbed down, like SATS. Dog must do basic stuff like walk past other dog without swearing/murdering; sit and stay, sit and wait; walk on loose lead; come when called.

Owner must complete oral theory test in not being utterly numpty or anti-social.

When dog poos do you
(a) clear it up in biodegradable bag and take home

(b) leave as hopscotch challenge for local children
(c) post through nearest letterbox, etc.

In fairness to my dog we would do v well if it wasn't for the whole 'Don't invade my personal space' ishoo. He is v obedient (usually).

I'm not keeping up well on my phone.First thing Slubber, that is highly impressive, don't let my dog know or I will be in trouble.

Claricebeansmum, I now have 2 whistle envy. We started off with 2 but someone ie. DH lost one after first trip out. With the horse thing, can you nab whoever owns the ones in field by you and ask if it would be possible for dog to be introduced properly to a calm one ? Most horse people are very into dogs and usually happy to oblige. I make mine sit and wait when riders pass which she's now used to doing. But she has been invited in a playdate with dog from training class so they can play and she can meet their very dog friendly pony up close.

Thank you Eleison, her head is her best bit bless her . I think a lot of owners here could do with taking the test judging by the amount of dog poo everywhere.

We are having cat break through downstairs. Cat number 3 pretty much left home when dog arrived. They are currently in the same room as each other and cat whacked dog on the nose resulting in dog hiding under the table.

Funny. My cats are in charge. One loves Phoebe, sleeps with her, washes her, tolerates being almost carried by scruff of the neck by her. The other hides and waits and whacks her across the nose rather than engage in any kind of 'relationship'. But both (very quiet, sweet) cats are definitely 'top dog'

Wynken, she is gorgeous

Oh my Wynken, isn't she gorgeous. What a lovely face. I love her mussy nose.

claricebeansmum - oh yes you can be in the elite club of two of ACME 211 and a half (no pea, the no pea is v important) owners.

The bronze award sounds doable, Eleison what does the silver involve, apart from the body check (do they squeeze their private parts for that?)

Slubber, I am worried, did you have your first outing yesterday? I have visions of you being mugged for your coordinating kit and Elsie being dogknapped for being just too cute. Are you both OK?

I was also hanging on for the update. We want to know everything

She'll have half the dogs in the neighbourhood trying to get their noses in her magnetic clip pouch after sardine cake. It will be like the Pied Piper of Slubbershire.

There will be loads of dogs trained to ACME 211.5 no pea whistle by way of sardine cake for ever more.

. Don't know which is worse - the liver cake or the sardine!!

Come on Slubber - I need to take Phoebe to the woods but am waiting ..................

(notes own attire, sadly lacking in matching anything and without whistle. Will take clicker and sardineless treats though!)

morning morning

ahh yes, yesterday

well um

95% of the first outing went swimmingly. Until we rounded the last corner she was really getting the hang of it. It was C&T (sardine cake) tastic with some text book walking on a loose lead.

I will admit to you guys that yes, I felt we had it all cracked. I was feeling smug.

Pride cometh etc

We round the last bend, the house is in sight, and there they are. Stupid eejit ducks. Right in the middle of the village, and mrs duck has only gone and laid an egg.

We had not ticked the duck socialisation box yet.

Obv mucho interest from madam, I am remaining calm and collected, I reach for a treat to lure her away, SHIT no more treats, the sturdy plastic clip on the treat pouch spontaneously becomes un-sturdy and de clips itself from my trousers and 300 poo bags fall out of it and start drifting down the road, as I'm trying to pick them up and Elsie is trying to get to the ducks and mr duck is getting quite agitated in an extremely helpful wing flapping and quacking fashion, a man appears on a bike (oh you wouldn't read about it) AND a chuffing cat appears out of nowhere to have a butchers at the whole scene.

Well then Elsie totally loses the plot on the lead and is growling and barking and levitating off the ground. I could see the whites of her eyes.

bugger

I carry her home and she spends the next 15 mins zooming round biting me, the furniture and the walls.

learning curve. learning curve.

Plog (her nickname) has just gone to DH's side of the bed and jumped on him whilst he was asleep. He woke shouting aaaagghhhh very loudly and it was very funny but I don't think DH agrees. I had to deal with her eating a mouse at 6.30am so I think he got off lightly.

I really must cook sardine cake before my sense of smell returns.

Sodding phone made me miss the crucial post.

ROFL Slubber, I am sorry but I can just imagine the scene ! It's the vanishing poo bags that is really cracking me up and I can't believe the clip let you down like that.

This has made me realise we haven't done ducks either.

yes! What a terrible shock that the clip failed me at such a critical moment. Upon return I have noted there are belt feeder jobbers so I can securely attach it to my belt and not worry in the future that it will come flying off.

I have also reviewed the poo bag requirements and have cut down on the number I will take with me next time.

I guess I am also going to have to do several trips down the pond to work on dog-duck interface manners.

at mouse urgh. I thought it was only cats that did such things.

off to introduce elsie to the PILs dogs (collie and v grumpy JRT) - am a bit aprehensive to say the least

I'm quite blasé with the clip on my pouch, will be more careful in future. Yes maybe you could slightly cut down on the poobags just a little. I have bad memories of a roll of them unrolling at a critical time and now just stuff a couple into my pocket.

The animals here are very organised. Cats kill the mice then the dog finds them, stares at you pretending she hasn't got anything in her mouth, realises she's busted as tail hanging out if her mouth resulting in anguished shriek of drop it from owner and legs it, jaws chomping furiously so she can swallow before being forced to give it up. Oh what fun my mornings are these days.

Regarding duck socialisation, I have a plan. A friend is moving to house with land for her ponies and I am pretty sure she mentioned duck island. I supressed my I initial instinct to slightly take the mick at the time so now can work on persuading her that she should think about getting ducks instead of putting her chickens there. If we lived where we used to it wouldn't have been a problem as we had ducks and llamas round the corner but here we seem to have deer and grass snakes (that was a traumatic moment out the other day when large snake shot in front of us). My other concern is wild boar which I have heard people seeing whilst out walking in Forest 15 mind drive from us.

ha ha ha ha! Oh bless Slubber! I am only laughing because I have so been there Can't wait to hear about tomorrow!!

Just back from a sunny day in woods with LOADS of socialising with other dogs, including a huge Bernese Mountain dog. Its such a pleasure as my previous (rescue) dog was very hit and miss with other dogs and it was always a bit nerve wracking.

Our treats were not up to your standard Slubber - we had bits of cheese and crackers and pate!! Am still laughing at your 'levitating dog'

Ooh not done snakes or wild boar but don't think I've seen the latter (ever) and have only seen 3 snakes in last 8 years. We did ducks when Phoebe was about 8 weeks and geese which scared the crap out of her and me. Geese are vicious creatures.

Our new challenge is runners and cyclists. In the woods most dogs are off the lead the whole time but the woods are also v popular with runners and bikers. Phoebe wants to say hello to both and its a case of catching her in time and C&T when she sits/leaves them. Had a v proud moment today when we were doing C&T outdoors and were being watched (unawares) by another dog owner who the came up and commented on how well she was doing [PFB emoticon ]

Lol re ducks. We have done snakes. Correct behaviour is jumping backwards in complete abandonment of tough-dog pose.

Slubber, silver is very easy too, I think. Was only the being groped that had us. Most difficult thing afaik is an out-of-room stay, where dog has to remain in stay position while you leave the room for a minute.

Theory test required knowledge of sensible number of poo bags to take on 15-min walk, rounded to the nearest 50. And other such sophistications.

I am proud of the fact that my dog knows that sheep and chickens are on no account to be chased. Wouldn't bet my life on him always remembering it though.

gah - will have to add ducks++, vicious geese, chickens plus other winged creatures that live on the ground, snakes and sheep to the list. Don't think we have wild boar round these here parts but, as the books say, you can never undersocialiise.

Wynken can chickens and ducks not cohabit on duck island? Sounds hilarious and yet could be good for the odd free egg here or there.

lol Eleison @ the poo bag question. I have cut back drastically and gone for 5 and shoved them right down into side pouch pocket to prevent further escaping incidents.

1kg of treats in pouch ready for tomorrow's walk.

oxo - crackers and pate! I see you are raising the bar here. Did they have a little chive laid artfully across the top? I hope phoebe appreciated your efforts.

Slubber - today was the sell-by date! I was being economical (and not touching the chicken for the kids' packed lunches!!) No chives though lol

Looking fwd to tomorrow's report

Much better today. No ducks or random cats for a start.

Tell me, this 5 mins exs per month of their life rule - does that include sniffing time? Because if we're only allowed 15min to include every single blade of grass that gets minutely examined we only get about 50m down the road before we have to turn round and come back