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we put our cat to slleep....

34 replies

ukrainianmum · 25/10/2008 16:41

we had to put our cat to sleep today. Now every memeber of a family crying silently coz we didn''t tell my dd about it .
He has been with us for long 14 years. And my mum had a very special bond with this cat. And she was the one who made the final desicion and actually brought him there.
And she is in terrible state. I mean we all feel sorry but she seems like she cannot cope with it. Any ideas on how to help her? I mean maybe it is better to go and get a kitten right now or shall we stay away from pets disscusion for some time?
I really cannot see her crying all the time and asking same question over and over again "Did we do the right thing? or Did we rush?"
I don't know what to do or to say...

OP posts:
littlelapin · 25/10/2008 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocolateteapot · 25/10/2008 16:53

Really sorry to hear this , I remember when we had to do this with our old cat, it is very painful even when you know it is for the best.

LL is right, you do need time to grieve first. We found that we all gradually got to the stage where we knew the time was right to get another kitten, I guess it takes different people different lengths of time but you do get there.

dittany · 25/10/2008 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moshie · 25/10/2008 18:04

I had to put my cat down when she was 18 and felt like a murderer at the time, but now I wish I'd done it a bit earlier before she got really ill. I'm sure you've done the right thing for your cat but it's so hard at the time. Tell your mum she's saved the cat from suffering.I would tell DD though because you can't grieve in secret, she must notice something's wrong.
I once read that the best thing you can do for an animal is to give them an easy death, think of the suffering that goes on in the wild.

ClaireDeLoon · 25/10/2008 18:45

Your poor mum, she has done the right thing as moshie says. Although it is a very upsetting thing to have to do.

I lost my youngest cat about 6 weeks ago and decided to get another kitten after about 3 weeks, not to replace her - you never can - but for company for my middle cat and because the right kitten came up that a friend was fostering. Kittens are quite distracting little things to have around, especially if they are a bit mental so it may help but only your mum can decide. Don't get her a kitten without making sure it what she wants.

exasperatedmummy · 25/10/2008 19:23

i am sorry for your loss

I used to be a veterinary nurse so have helped to pts lots of animals, never once have i thought the decision rushed or incorrect. UNTIL i had to make that decision with my own dog - he had kidney failure, to the extent that his vomit was basically urine The thing is, we COULD have put him on a drip for a further 24 hours and he might have rallied and had a few more months, but i knew from experience that he would most likely only have a week or two. I have goosebumps thinking about this as this is the first time i have really spoken about the guilt i feel about this. I cried so much, i didnt think it possible to cry so much (for some strange reason i cried more than when my father died) It was the guilt you see, because it was MY decision to say, no, he has had enough - what made that decision for me was, standing in the vets he just looked up at me, and his eyes were saying "I've had enough, please let me go". So, i cuddled him and told him we would go chasing squirrels and cradled him whilst my friend gave him the injection. I sat with him for an hour afterwards, i had to be "helped" away. I just sat there saying "i shouldnt have done it, i shouldnt have done it" But now i know, i so did the right thing, i would have only been keeping him alive for me and DP and that would have been selfish.

As i said, i have had to help with this more times than i care to remember, but every time it has felt like a positive thing to do. It is the final kindness, an animal in pain or discomfort just wants and end to it and you can see the relief in their eyes when they drift off.

We kept ourselves busy for a few days afterwards, i swore blind i would never EVER get another dog. This was the first time i saw my DP cry. Getting out of the house helped and another dog wasn't spoken about - it felt wrong. Two weeks later, we brought home a rescue dog from battersea dogs home as we couldnt bear coming home to an empty house. He was another rottie, was the absolute spitting image of our Tiny. But he was totally and utterly completely different. He was PTS last year, again I was distraught but his condition was so bad, we had NO other option, so less guilt. Again, i said no more dogs - i have a jack russel keeping my feet warm as we type - not a rescue as we have a young DD now.

Maybe this is something you could consider for your mum, Battersea dogs and cats home as it is now called have hundreds of cats desperate for a new home and when we took on a rescue dog it made it feel like we wasn't simply replacing our beloved Tiny (our first dog who will always have a special place in our heart) but we were doing something positive. We get the battersea magazine every month and the rehoming stories in there always bring a tear to my eye, but they are always so positive.

Vulgar · 25/10/2008 19:57

So sad for you ukrainianmum

And you exasperatedmummy

ukrainianmum · 28/10/2008 06:39

Thank you all for nice texts. I am feeling better now.

My dd didn't realize that the cat is gone. she looked couple of time into the wardrobe where he used to spend a lot of time and said as a fact The cat is gone. Though we ddin't tell her that he is no longer with us.

I am feeling much better now though it feels reslly empty in the house when everubody away and I am on my own.So silent...
But m mummy is not close to stop grieving. She keeps asking same question over and over again about did shedo a right thing and even now she forbid me to tell people that we put the cat down. I really hope it will pass soon. She will get busier at work and will be distracted,hopefully.

Exasperatedmummy- Unfortunatly Battersea cats and dogs house not an option for us coz we live quite far away in Ukraine. But you know we have lots of stray cats here and kittens so maybe one day especially winter is coming and is getting sooooooo cold here we might give a home to a little fluff or shorthaired wonder. Time will show....

OP posts:
shortcircuit · 31/10/2008 15:00

Hi, sorry for all the loss of pets

Last night i had a call from the RSCPA telling me they had my boy cat. He'd been hit by a taxi & thankfully a kind man picked him up, put him in the car & called the RSPCA.

I took him to the vets & he was put on a drip etc. At 5am I had a call saying he wasn't good, did I want to say goodbye.

He was on a ventilater as he was no longer breathing, but he heart was still beating fainting. I didn't have him put to sleep because I could see he had already gone by his eyes. I held him until his heart stopped.

We lost another cat last year (she was 8 & had tumours), this cat was a rescue one who we'd we bought from an animal centre along with his 'friend' (they didn't appear to be bothered by each other).

My DD is 5 & I have told her. DD keeps asking why he died/does everyone die/will XX#s cat die, allsorts of questions. She doesn't quite comprehend death & is sympathetically sniffing.

I would just re-assure her that he had a wonderful life & I can understand how sad she is. let the dust settle & then perhaps a lucky stray will cross your path & you can rescue him/her ? FWIW, I am telling everyone ( & crying) & gulping back the rescue remedy & I suspect I'll have large glass of wine or 2 this evening.

bella29 · 31/10/2008 15:12

Sympathies to you all. I've lost 2 cats this year alone and know how you feel

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/10/2008 16:12

awwwwwwww ((HUGS))

14 is getting on for a cat - you had to do what you needed to do

losing a pet is awful - but having to make the decison to put to sleep must be harder

i would suggest getting a kitten asap

catless · 02/11/2008 09:33

My beloved cat Charlie died last night. He went to the vet for his usual flu/leukemia jabs and a blood test ?just to check? since he had reached the grand age of 17. The vet thought he was fine apart from a touch of arthritis which he had been taking Metacam for. In fact the vet and nurse commented again how marvelous he was for his age.

When he got home he wasn?t interested in his tea and sloped off upstairs where I found him gasping for breath so we rushed him to another 24 hour surgery where they kept him in for an x-ray and tests. I got a call after 30 minutes to say he had stabilised and was his usual chatty self. His breathing wasn?t perfect but the vet was hopeful that he would be fine in the morning. As you can imagine, I was over-joyed to think I would have him back with me the next day.

Unfortunately an hour later I received another call to say he?d taken a turn for the worse and had died.

I've trawled the net and realised that he suffered an anaphylactic shock following the vaccination and now I feel totally guilty for putting him through that. He was 17 - how necessary could it have been?

I?m still in shock. The house will be so lonely without him to chat to and sleep with.

I've got my parents coming for lunch today, it will be such a sad little gathering without Charlie.

IAteMakkaPakka · 02/11/2008 09:47

Couldn't let this go unanswered catless. I am so sorry for your loss

You seem to be blaming yourself for giving him the vaccination but it was not an anaphylactic shock. If he has had the flu or leukaemai jabs before without problems then the chance of this bein anaphylaxis is virtually nil. Also, you would not have had time to get him home - I have seen anaphylaxis before and the animal will literally collapse in front of you.

Please don't blame yourself. When you feel able, give the vet a call. They may be able to suggest what might have caused him to become unwell. I wonder if his heart took a turn for the worse - probably a complete coincidence.

catless · 02/11/2008 10:03

Thanks so much for the reply though it has reduced me to fresh tears.

I'm afraid at this stage I will not be moved on my feelings of complete guilt at murdering my otherwise healthy if rather elderly cat. Hopefully this will pass and hopefully it will be soon.

I know this is irrational and ridiculous and something that thousands of other people have gone through. That cat had the most blissful and long life.

IAteMakkaPakka · 02/11/2008 10:04

Not irrational or riiculous - a loss the same as any other.

for you

exasperatedmummy · 02/11/2008 10:20

catless, how awful for you - i can only second what iatemakkapakka has said, there is no way this was anaphlaxis, he will have reacted before. This is nothing that you have done - you say that the vets have done x-rays and tests, if you give them a ring they will be able to give some indication of what might have happened. I too think it was just a sad coincidence.

I can totally understand your feelings of guilt and you will just have to wait for that to pass - but it is unnecessary and you will realise that. Getting the results from the vet will help with that.

"I know this is irrational and ridiculous and something that thousands of other people have gone through. That cat had the most blissful and long life. "

not irrational - you are right, thousands of people have been through this, and those thousands of people feel exactly the same. Your cat was lucky as he had a blissful long and happy life with owners who loved him.

So sorry for your loss xxx

BBBee · 02/11/2008 10:24

i do not really have anything to add but i wanted to say how sorry i was to read about this nad your mum.

catless · 02/11/2008 10:33

Thanks all. I'm finding this quite helpful. Strangely my only consolation is that I was saved from that awful decision of having to put my cat to sleep (sympathies for you shortcircuit).

I can remember Charlie as the healthy quirky little man that he was once I can forget the horrible memories of him struggling for breath and the thought that I wasn't with him when he died.

I've also realised that alot of the strange noises in the night that I thought were him padding about were just actually the noise the house makes at night!

exasperatedmummy · 02/11/2008 10:41

Time is a healer, sorry for the cliche - like you, i struggled to remember my dog as a healthy bouncy hooligan for a while and whenever i thought about him i thought aboutt him sick and dying in my arms - but now when i think about him i think about our lovely long walks, the way he would rub his rump against me when he wanted a fuss (nearly knocking me over, he weighed 9 stone!), the way he would play in the garden with the rabbits and cats...but it takes time

Hassled · 02/11/2008 10:42

I'm so sorry - Catless and everyone else. I had to have my cat put to sleep at 17 - it was awful. I know how ridiculous it sounds to non-pet owners, but it is like losing a family member. It does help getting new kittens, but give it a bit of time first.

catless · 02/11/2008 10:52

Yes, time is a healer and I can't wait for the time to come when I am feeling better about it and I know it will come. Charlie's brother had to be put to sleep 3 years ago and I was just as devestated but I wasn't catless which is what is making this all so hard.

When Tom died Charlie's personality changed entirely. He completely came into his own and was utterly adorable and I was aware that I was becoming way too attached to him but couldn't help myself.

I've been bracing myself for this moment for a good while now, given Charlies age (17 - you'll know what I mean Hassled) but I'm amazed at how I am reacting.

catless · 03/11/2008 08:07

Another morning without Charlie. I keep going through our little morning routine in my head. I even want to go through the motions of putting his food down for him but I know that will mean I am becoming the 'weird woman' that my boyfriend keeps threatening me with.

OK for him to be so brave - he hasn't been to my house since it happened so he has that gut wrenching moment to come when he wants to call out Charlie's name and expect to see him trotting towards him to be picked up for a bit hug with lots of purrs.

Sorry for that little bit of self-pity. I am actually starting to feel better. I think the disbelief and denial is wearing off and I now realise he is gone. Having my parents over helped even though my Mother is very upset we chatted fondly about his lovely little ways.

Onward and upward and all that.

bella29 · 03/11/2008 10:19

So sorry, catless

You gave him a wonderful home and he was obviously a very much loved pet. Give yourself time & space to mourn him, and don't beat yourself up for being a responsible owner and having his boosters done, especially as that wasn't what killed him.

I'm not religious but I do like to imagine all my deceased pets up in heaven having a whale of a time. Charlie's there too now.

exasperatedmummy · 03/11/2008 12:06

Oh, its so soon, you are bound to have collywobbles for a while yet. Do you have a garden? If so, you could go out and buy a rose or other type of shrub that will flower in the spring to remember him by? It is a nice reminder of the cycle of life i think.

Bella, if their aint no pets in heaven i don't wanna go! I find great comfort in the fact that when my father died, my dog was waiting to greet him, they were very close.

exasperatedmummy · 03/11/2008 12:07

their there!