A small family dog, young kids and autism.

[SunSparkle]

I’d really like some help.

We would like to get a family dog in part because we both had dogs growing up, two because it’s a good reason to get active and out of the house (we live across the road from a large park), and three because our eldest daughter (currently 5) is desperate for a dog and also is undergoing assessment for autism and it’s been suggested that a dog could help with her regulation.

I'm looking for a small to medium breed, with a good temperament around children, happy with a 30-45 minute walk twice a day (and a big field to run around in), and happy to be cuddled on the sofa. Preferably low shed too

I did some research and it suggested poodle, cavapoo or cavalier King Charles spaniel but I wondered if you had any other suggestions.

I don’t think we will be able to get a rescue with kids aged 5 and 2 but I’d be happy to explore that route. Most of the dogs on dogs trust rehoming seem not to want kids under 7 due to the needs of the dog (understandable).

help me research some other breeds that might meet our needs or share your stories of poodles, cavapoos or cavalier spaniels with young kids.

Border terrier? Great feisty little dogs, generally a lovely temperament and intelligent too. Ours was fabulous with the kids. We generally had big dogs, this was our first terrier and she was wonderful. All the rest we had were cross breeds, also fabulous.

are they really barky? My parents in law have a terrier and it barks constantly at the kids to the point they have to pop it in another room when the kids are over as it can’t cope with the noise. It might just be their one though.

There was a looooong thread about cavoodles a couple of weeks ago, which ended up discussing cavvies, poodles and other similar breeds too. I'll see if I can find the link for you.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_doghouse/5540160-cockapoo-or-cavapoo?reply=152934533

Here you go. It gets a bit feisty but there's loads of good info too.

Just be aware that with those breeds you mention, you are going to have to have a very regular appointment with a groomer. Mine go every 6 weeks.

Havanese are lovely dogs. Similar to shitzoos but without the flat nose and bulging eyes.

Be absolutely certain your child will respect the dog! It’s not a toy and should not be subject to her behaviour regulation needs. Be certain she will respect the dog and be kind towards it.

My friend has 2 mini dachshunds and they are lovely. Are you sure a dog will work for an autistic child? My friend acquired her first dog from her SiL because they couldn't give him attention he needed because she has an autistic child.

Don’t underestimate how much time, effort, money and training needs to go into a dog. And also how restrictive they can be. I say this as a dog lover and owner. Took us 6 months to build up to being able to leave dog for 2 hours. Even now our plans revolve around not leaving the dog for a maximum of 5 hours (maybe once an month) and mostly we ask my parents to have him. When I’m in the office he goes to doggy day care.

Puppies are bitey and excitable. A dog is unlikely to be the calming influence on your child for years- especially the breeds you’ve mentioned.

I have a doodle cross and adore him. He costs us a small fortune on grooming costs, insurance, doggy day care, specialist food etc.

You should have a look at cavalier king Charles spaniels as are often used as emotional support dogs. They are very loving and can be great fun as quite clever learning tricks and things.

We have a mixed cockapoo (mum cockapoo, dad toy poodle) who is mostly poodle in appearance. She is the sweetest, most loving animal and is amazing with my eldest (20yo) who is AuDHD. He constantly takes breaks to pet her and cuddle her. He struggles in his mental health but she seems to soothe him. She is so patient and puts up with a lot (he can be a bit heavy handed, something sensory I think) but I think she understands his need for touch and regulation. Additional benefit is that she doesn't shed. Of course, MN is against all 'poos' other than poodles but any breed with a sweet, patient, temperament is what you want.

I really do recommend a dog for helping neuro diverse people. Of course the walks and general care (sorting out holiday care, grooming, vets) are an added burden at times but the benefits far outweigh anything else.

I know you want a smaller breed but honestly you can’t go wrong with a Labrador or golden retriever. They’re so gentle and good natured, they let kids climb all over them.

Kids should never be climbing all over dogs even if they do tolerate it. Labs and retrievers often also have no idea of their size and could knock a two year old over with one bounce/barge or wag of their tail, they also shed like nobody's business.

The breeding of most cavs is awful, they are one of the most unhealthy dogs there are and although very cute and dinky I wouldn't get one for that reason. Cavs just like designer crosses are very popular and so highly bred by puppy farmers, dachshunds are also a really poor choice imo - stubborn, often difficult to toilet train, have a lot of stress on their backs due to their 'odd' shape which you have to be careful about and often anxious and barky.

Be aware OP that puppies are extremely hard work and can be very, very bitey. I'm a dog sitter and wouldn't get a puppy, you really have no idea what you're getting, some will grow up to be barky, some will be anxious, some will hate being left. With two young children I really don't think it's a good idea either, especially when one is autistic. I also definitely wouldn't buy a random puppy in the hope it will be some kind of therapy dog, there's absolutely no way you can predict that it will have that effect, she may instead be very upset by barking, biting, licking, the bounciness of it and overwhelmed by the energy.

If you do want to though rather than a poo which I'd never get either, get a well bred poodle or show cocker. I'd also throw in whippet, mine used to love snuggling up inside my dressing gown and was very cuddly - but they do have a high prey drive.

Personally I would wait until both children are older and then get a rescue with known temperament. Alternatively wait till the eldest gets her diagnosis and then join the waiting list for an autism assistance dog if you want a dog that will really be able to assist with calming and regulation.

I’d be wary about getting a dog with a child as young as two. We waited til out kids were school age so they could be taught how to treat a dog properly. We got an Australian miniature labradoodle (about working cocker size). Really lovely dog. Loved walls and full of character but calm in the house.
My sister had a cavalier. Nice dog but not the friendliest but that could just be the individual dog - she took to my (young adult) son because he would take her on long walks when we last visited. Didn’t give much time to me or my DD! My niece is profoundly autistic and doesn’t like dogs but the dog is very good with her.

I love cavaliers. I’d never own one as almost 100% of them develop and die from congestive heart failure, some of them really young too

That's why I spent over an hour this morning, like I do most mornings, sifting through adoption and fostering applicants for the Golden Retriever's we've had in or reading the latest emails from people who need to rehome their Golden...because it's bitten their child.

Young children and dogs do not mix. And particularly not with three younger children when the eldest is fix. And Golden Retrievers? With their sensitivity and strength around three children that young, one of whom has autism (which is going to make it even more challenging - and I say that as someone who has an autistic nephew, not to be 'nasty' [as I have been accused of being before])? Recipe for disaster.

OP - sorry, but with three children that young, no decent breeder let alone of a breed as PP have mentioned is going to sell to you. They won't want to put you, or their puppies, in a situation that is likely to end in tears.

Wait until your youngest is at least five.

Side note (and not a reflection on you OP): It's incredibly bad form for anyone to be suggesting a living creature to help with 'regulation.' They don't know how the child will actually react to a puppy, or indeed an adult dog, that doesn't have boundaries, can get overstimulated and mouthy (which many adult dogs do) and which will shed and bark and be a nuisance.

There have been quite a few threads on MN over the last year of people who have taken this shit advice, got a dog, and can't cope. It takes years for dogs to get to the point where they can help - and that requires special training and effort - you can't just pluck a puppy off a street and expect miracles to happen. It's so grossly irresponsible and I am so sick of these people conducting assessments, who clearly have never raised a puppy before, let alone with an autistic child around, giving this advice. It's a, quite frankly, serious problem and the only reason they give this shit advice is because no one then questions their quite frankly shit time-lines for providing actual help. Of course entirely different if you get a dog that comes trained, but most of the time this advice is 'get a puppy, it'll help.' It's ignorant and dangerous.

Sorry OP but a dog is a sentient being not a tool to help humans regulate. One of my pet peeves is the ‘emotional support dog’ brigade - no thought at all for the poor animal burdened with the task. Dogs are incredibly sensitive to our moods and to get one deliberately to take on some of the emotional baggage of a human is cruel imo. Won’t be a popular opinion of course but I deal with the fallout on a regular basis as my work

3 small children, one with additional needs who may or may not improve in the presence of the dog is NOT a suitable home for a puppy or a rescue dog.
The only people who would sell to you are unscrupulous back yard puppy farmers. so you’d be getting a dog of variable genetic temperament with no health testing, bred purely for profit, no guarantee it would help your child (it may make things worse) and a HUGE extra workload for you

@OneNaiceSnail I had Cavaliers as a child in the 80”s and both lived to over 16 and no heart issues and have one now without any. So I think nearly 100% might be over egging it a bit!

I was going to say this - my labradors have always been brilliant with children and very loving - and happy to be cuddled.

My neighbours got a dog for their autistic child many years ago after that tv show or film about dogs helping children with autism.

got the dog home and quickly discovered the child and the dog weren’t going to work. They couldn’t supervise constantly, so had to keep the child and the dog separated. So they never built a bond, although I’m not sure it would ever happen as the child seemed completely indifferent to it.

if you do decide on a dog, get one that will work for your family. Personally I wouldn’t get a poodle cross, for reasons on that linked thread.

Be careful even with “recommended” breeds- for example pp mentioned dachshunds. Lovely dogs, yes, but 70% will develop back issues, and paralysis is not unusual. You have to be very careful with them, monitor jumping, stairs, any activity that may injure them. So add that to a boisterous household with young kids … doesn’t really matter how great the breed is if it’s going to hurt itself playing with the children.

I’m on the same page as @Dunnocantthinkofone and @TheHungryHungryLandsharks Think carefully. Would you introduce a new toddler into the household, because that’s what you getting with a dog. It’s another being with its own wants, needs, etc, not a cuddly teddy bear. Have you got got time for training etc , and supervising it as well as your kids? Sleepless nights? Picking up poo ? Etc

My brothers daughter is autistic and they have a dog (one of the poo mix breed things, do not recommend) but the dog absolutely hates the daughter and avoids her like the plague. The daughter loves the dog to the point she’s constantly fussing over it but I think the dog finds it too much!

Hi OP, my daughter is five and has an autism diagnosis , two years ago we choose a beautiful medium coat Lurcher , she’s about the size of a cocker spaniel with longer legs. She’s calm , unflappable , cuddly and quiet lazy !! She’s very weather dependent on wanting walks , not a fan of rain, not too keen on the heat or the cold . Loves a good run for about five minutes ! Likes leisurely sniffy walks and has to be woken up in the morning ! She’s very intuitive , my husbands heart raise rose sharply recently and she went crazy before his watch alarm went off. She’s great with the kids when they are sick won’t leave their side.

once you survive the puppy stage she’s a dream ! Best child in the house ! Only down side …. She adores my husband but I do all the work with her . ❤️

What @lightanddaark said.
Sorry OP.

Came here to recommend similar. We have a whippet and she is the absolute best dog - so gentle with the kids (5&2), low maintenance, doesn’t shed (well, maybe a little twice a year but not really noticeable) and a total warmth seeker.