I’d like to get a puppy advice please

[Cherryblossom200]

Hello!

I’ve been thinking of getting a dog for a number of years, I’m a full time single parent with one almost 11 year old daughter. I wanted to wait until my daughter was older until we considered getting a dog.

My daughter has adhd (not the hyperactive type) and gets anxious sometimes. She’s a huge animal lover, we have two cats which she adores. She has a natural affinity with dogs. I’ve always thought about getting a dog as I think it would be great company for her especially in her transition to secondary school. Recently I’ve found it quite lonely being on my own, my daughter struggles socially in crowded areas. So I’ve decided we need a lifestyle change, something to keep us company and to do things like long walks.

We would give it a loving home which isn’t too hectic. I walk everywhere so exercise isn’t an issue.

I feel it would be better to get a puppy as we have our cats and that way it would be trained the way we live. I would consider a rescue but as a first time dog owner I don’t have the experience to deal with a dog which has issues. Also we would need a doodle cross like a Cavapoo as my daughter tends to be allergic to certain breeds.

I’ve been doing lots of research as its something I want to take my time with, but I’m seeing horror stories about puppies in the first year or so 🫣 It’s scared me!! Not being able to leave the room without them crying etc. Is it that bad?

I’m completely open to advice as I want to get it right.

Thank you x

Hi,
A first dog is a massive commitment. Head over and have a read of the chat on the puppy thread. It might give you a feel for the amount of work involved.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_doghouse/5442100-puppy-survival-thread-autumn-2025-all-welcome?page=18&reply=149459785

With cats in the house, I agree that you are wise to choose a puppy not a rescue. I have cats and dogs together, they integrate very quickly and my current dog (20 months old) now shares the sofa with our elderly cat.

11 is a good age for a puppy. I'm autistic and we got our first dog when I was 13.

Be very wary of hypoallergenic breed claims. There is really no such thing. Some people react less to non-moulting breeds, that is true, but no dog or cat is truly allergy free. The amount of dander shed is the issue, so even hypoallergenic dogs can cause a reaction. I'm dog allergic but I have a long-coated moulting breed because I react more to short haired dogs.

A pure bred dog is preferable in many ways, because you can be more sure of what you will get with regard to genetic health testing and temperament. It is also much easier to find a reputable breeder of pedigree puppies. An enormous number of the designer crossbreeds are puppy farm bred and come with health issues.

As to how bad it is initially, that can depend on the puppy. Some breeds are more demanding than others. Some don't like to be left alone, others are more independent. You might get a feel for this by heading over to puppy thread and asking questions there. It covers everything from toys to giant breeds and there are plenty of first time owners there to help you make the right choice for you and your daughter.

I think big dogs are easier than small ones but I admit to being biased 😁

I wouldn't do this. It's not fair on the cats for a start. Who will look after or walk the dog if you can't manage it, do you have local dog walkers with availability? Do you have anyone who can pop in and keep an eye on it when you have days out?

Dogs are wonderful but the first 6 months are hard work. You will be tired and not have a sleep in. You sound active which makes me think it would work well with your lifestyle. Wasn’t sure of your working pattern which makes a big difference.

My family live 5 minutes from where I live, I work in an office where I can take the dog, I work from a home a lot as well. I also have a dog walker who lives down my road as well.

Both my sister and parents had puppies and they have elderly cats and they managed it fine. The cats and dogs love one another. My cats are a year old and they still do the zombies and play at night, so they could get on 🤣

I’m incredibly active, I walk to work (30 minutes each way) so the dog would (eventually) have a lot of exercise. Plus we have a big garden so they would have a lot of fun with us.

I think I’m just getting a bit scared by the thought of lack of sleep 🤣 But I see all the wonderful benefits and it makes won’t last forever. My daughter I know would be so happy if we got a doggie. It would be her best friend.

If get a rescue that you know is ok with cats, then you skip the whole puppy phase,toilet training etc,they are like having a newborn.

I'm not saying this is the case here but "we have to have a puppy as we have cats" is often used by people who want a puppy but think they have to have a reason to justify not getting a rescue.

Quite often an older rescue who is used to living with cats is a far better experience for the cat than a young, excitable, bitey puppy.

Same goes for "we are first time dog owners so couldn't have a rescue with issues". Many many rescue dogs have no issues, tend to already know how to behave around people, other dogs and children. Generally already house trained and know how to walk nicely on a lead.

Not aimed at OP in particular but would much prefer it if people who want a puppy just owned that instead of listing reasons they can't rescue.

First 8 months or so are awful but as long as you go in with that you know you can get through it. Being consistent with training and just keep going and you end up with a good dog. Consider breed carefully.

Have a ponder about your lifestyle. Do you often go out all day, away on holidays, visit other people's houses etc

Think of all the places you stay for a fair while that dog can't go, and can you find someone to mind the dog, would you cut a usually longer visit short to get back for dog.

You can't take the dog to a lot of places. Cafés, friend's houses etc

And be under no illusions, you will be walking the dog twice a day, every day. picking it poo up, grooming it, feeding it etc and you'll have the dog solo as your daughter grows up and spends more time out of the house and maybe when she goes to university etc

We must have been lucky with our dog - she came to us aged 12 weeks from a family friend whose terrier cross had an encounter with a cockerpoo, and she was a brilliant pup - had two or three accidents in the first few days, and although we had to gradually build up her tolerance for being left alone (and still now we don't leave her for more than a few hours) she's been a dream. She did chew, of course (my chair legs still bear the scars) but apart from that she was a darling and still is. I'd say go for it.

Just don’t. Cockerpoos are not hypoallergenic despite the rumours. It will massively restrict your lifestyle. You can’t go to the cinema, you can’t go out for a meal you can’t go away for the weekend. You will also be up a few times a night for the first few months.

Just don’t.

Just as a reminder, think about how you will cope when they are an elderly dog too. My boy is fourteen now and the fun years of long walks and playing are ending. It's more about getting up a lot with him at night to let him out, cleaning accidents and handling his dementia. He is still happy though so not time for the final trip though we are watchful as I know this comment will concern some.

Have you considered fostering a dog through the Cinnamon Trust? It’s a volunteer scheme which helps older people when they can’t manage
their pet due to illness or being in hospital etc. They can match you with a pet that is used to cats.
You can see if having a dog works for you, but maybe the short term aspect won’t suit your daughter?

I'm on my third dog so have been around the block a bit.
Cats and dogs are so different. Cats are pretty much self sufficient. Puppies are like newborns. You have to do everything for them. We have a dachsund. We were lucky, only one week of sleepless nights and house trained within a month. But you get the puppy biting, food refusal, endless being followed around. You have to teach a puppy to be alone. This is all time, patience and effort.
Research your dog properly. I had a doolally rescue, he was a lovely dog but with issues. I've had two puppies,one an absolute nightmare.
Check the breeders credentials. Meet the parents. See the dog at home.
Remember you will be entirely responsible for the puppy. The dog will always need walking and playing with however busy your life is.

We wouldn't be without our dog, but they're not a walk in the park. Weighed up against what they bring into your family- I'd do it.

( no cat experience here, sorry)

The first year of having a puppy is hard! I feel quite guilty saying it now but I hated ours for the first couple of months, he was an absolute nightmare!

It’s all well and good saying you can take the dog to work with you but you have to remember that a puppy won’t sit still for hours under a desk whilst you work. Also you might find people are not as keen to look after a puppy that could possibly chew everything in sight.

If you do get one, my biggest tip is to sign up for training classes, they turned our absolute idiot into a lovely family dog but it did take time. Puppies just have endless energy!

Why not a poodle? They adore their people, very intelligent and easily trained. Could be a great dog for your daughter to do agility or something like fly ball with. Poodles tend to be excellent with cats - really just wanting to snuggle with them.

Thanks all for your advice 😊 I did want the worts and all advice as well! I’ve held off for so many years as I wasn’t prepared to lose my independence, but I’m older now and so is my daughter so it’s started to feel like times have shifted. This would be a dog for me as much as my daughter, so even when she grows up and does more stuff on her own it’ll be nice to have a furry friend to keep me company 😊

I’ll definitely look a rescues first, my cats have always been rescues. I’d definitely consider a slightly older dog as well, really the only reason for getting a puppy was because of the cats. I don’t want all our war in our house if I can help it 😊

Getting a dog for my ND teen was transformational for us, Also for me as the children transitioned into adulthood. It also sounds like you have done some thinking about the pros and cons and have good family support.

I would do it but choose your breed carefully and just accept that the first 12 months may be hard work.

@MrsWhites astute comment about taking a puppy to work and expecting it to sleep while you focus on work. Puppies are babies and need your attention.

The fact you’re now considering an older dog would make sense in this context.

If you decide to get any cross makes sure you are prepared for any of the origin breeds in full. If you get a cockerpoo you might get anything from a poodle personality in a cocker spaniel coat to a cockerspaniel personality in a poodle coat. The same with human kids where you don't get to pick which look, trait from which parent they get pretty even if they suddenly get a throwback from your grandma.

They are often sold as having a single coat type but actually they massively vary so if you need a hypoallergenic dog you need to be going for one that isn't mixing in a dog breed with a coat you don't want in any of the last few generations.
I know many sibling doodles who have wildly different coats, including some that have hair types like a grandparent or above breed (eg 2x labradoodles creating a pup who has a slightly crimped lab coat)

The other thing to consider about a doodle is that the mixing of two different hair types creates a high level of grooming need that will need regular attention which is costly

Doodles often are badly bred. I'm yet to come across one that breeds in the way you'd expect a pedigree breeder too from what i would consider something reputable. They are often vague because the lack of verifiable information means they can easily lie about litter parentage (eg parents too young, or having too many litters), health tests (Lots use dna health tests rather than actual health tests) and from "unsteady parents" who would fail out of normal breeding programmes. Often they come with flashy websites full of weirdness, that's unverifiable or outright not true.eg it's not true that mixes are always healthier 2 breeds with genetic hip problems should require the same hip screening, some only need one set from a parent, or they can get two sets from their 2 mixed parents, and often the parent breeds contain overlapping health problems anyway

There's a lady who does debunking of breeder websites and advertising and it's always doodle breeders who are full of things like number of litters seeming low, but their advertised littles sky high and even things like siblings breeding

Doodles get a lot of behavioural issues primarily (imo) because they are often sold as something they are not eg people who know they are allergic to a spaniel, know they hate the bark of a poodle, and know they couldn't cope with the franticness of a cocker, get sold a doodle that they are reassured magically only going to be the desired traits from each parent.

I'm currently working with someone who rightly identified they'd not suit either parent breed so got a cross (sold with promises that it had a predictable temprement of not having those trait) which is now the worst traits of both so doesn't fit their lifestyle and is now about to go up for rehoming.

Pandermum, what breed did you get? And how old was the dog as well?

You’re right, I’m really taking my time with this. We live in tb countryside and surrounded by country parks and fields, including a large doggie country park. It’s ideal where we live, I walk there daily and feel a bit sad I don’t have a little doggie friend next to me to enjoy it.

This Xmas has been really tough, a lot of our plans were too much for my DD. We did them but she found them overwhelming. So I’ve realised we need to do things which she enjoys, smaller trips, outdoor things etc. all of which a dog could accompany her with. The majority of our pubs and cafes allow dogs where we live, so we could still do things.

I have my dog because my sister got a puppy despite having 2 cats. The cats seemed okay with the puppy and even sought out contact with it, but 2 showed signs of distress (stress cystitis) so she had to rehome puppy. Now I have a 5 year old landhippo who has cost the Earth.

Teenagers and dogs are tricky. Its a very rare teenager that fulfills even half the promised obligations

That's not a problem as long as you assume that you'll take on all the work and are prepared for that, then anything they do it a bonus

I would also had a warning about neurodiversity not always aligning with happy dog ownership (especially puppies!). Whilst there are obviously many many amazing examples of life changing friendships, or people who completely throw themselves into the dogs, I can name many times it wasn't the case. Obviously no nd person is the same so this might not be an issue for you but this is my standard response when people ask me for advice about their nd child and a puppy.

Dogs often need a lot of forgiving to start with, so the child has to be tolerant of a dog eating their favourite toy, phone charger, pushing them over, getting mud on them etc. There is a lot of sensory challenges also, often new smells are overwhelming but especially high pitched barking (common in doodles), and being jumped at can be overwhelming quickly. There is also a long bitey stage which can feel overwhelming. The misbehaving stage is really hard, even older teens can find it hard when there is a lot of focus on the dog eg on a day out that you have to eat outside, that every time a dog passes your dog pulls, barks etc means that normally easy trips becomes a lot more overwhelming

Combine this with absolute changes in routine, being expected to go out for walks in the rain, being expected to be peeled away from your task/game/ day out to attend to go out in all weathers means that often the start can be very fraught and may not click immediately, and take a lot of work to get to the friends stage

Its not to say your dog will be terribly behaved but it's often a process (read the adolescent dog threads!) And your teen will need to cope with the embarrassment, overwhelm feeling of managing an excitable, barky, puppy in public for aprox 2 years on average

I’m correctly fostering a 14 week old puppy. We’re still in bed now having a lie in and he’s slept all night (albeit on our bed, he was crated for too long at his first home so is anxious). So no sleep for ages isn’t correct, about a month yes- it just takes a little time for their bladders to grow big enough to hold overnight.