Putting elderly dog to sleep tomorrow

[Boa33]

Looking for a hand hold really. We have made the decision to put our old dog to sleep tomorrow. He's a 15.5 year old Yorkshire terrier.
He has had numerous health problems throughout his life after we adopted him from a friend at 2 years old - joint issues, neurological issues etc. We've decided that tomorrow is the day but how do people cope with the guilt of making this decision and feeling like it might be too soon? Realistically I know it's as good a time as any but I'm really struggling.

Looking at the bigger picture, his health has been in decline over the last few years, very gradually. He has never been the most active dog but would enjoy walks, swimming, meeting other dogs, playing with his toys, spending time with us and would spend every spare moment on our laps given the chance. All this has now faded, he can't see, can't hear and his back legs are noticeably weaker over the last few weeks and months as well as just seeming tired. For a while now, he no longer has interest in sitting with us or having cuddles for more than a minute or two and would rather be in his bed. He used to be able to go anywhere with us, settle anywhere nicely and be perfect in the car but for the last few years he has found this very stressful and we no longer take him with us. He is very settled at home generally and we are able to leave him alone with no problems but then I feel guilty as with his loss of eyesight and hearing, this must feel quite lonely. He toilets inside on a semi regular basis (just to clarify, this doesn't seem to distress him at all, his house training although solid over the years, has never been top of his priority list).
BUT he still gets around, although slower and wobblier and I fear his legs completely giving out (he is on two pain medications to manage his joints) and everything turning into an emergency situation which I do not want. He still eats ok, toilets ok and potters about although quite aimlessly but this is a bare minimum surely? It would be easier in a way if there was something acutely wrong where I was sure he only had a few weeks left for example.

I feel like he would probably bumble along like this ok for a few more weeks, maybe a few more months but with the risk of deteriorating further (also has the beginning of kidney disease). But what would he get out of this? He wouldn't know any difference between now and 4 months time say. I feel it would be for our benefit which isn't fair.

I love this dog with my entire heart and I'm absolutely devastated at making this decision and the thought that this is his last night, last dinner, last bedtime etc and tomorrow he won't be here with us anymore. I just keep burying my face in his soft fur and telling him how sorry I am. Please reassure me that we're doing the right thing. The vet will be coming to our house and then I will take him to a private crematorium.

It's his time. And you absolutely love him enough to make that decision.. Been 5 years since I took my first ddog to be pts. Still can't look at those last few photos.. Sounds like he has had a fantastic life with you op. Feel proud you can do this last good turn for him.

Sending that hand hold with a hug for your boy. I went through this a few months ago. It broke my heart, and I still miss him. Like you, we could potentially have gone on a little longer, but that would have been for our benefit., not his.

Is there somewhere you can take him as a treat before the vet comes ? We took ours out for sausages ( which he was not usually allowed).

My boy was a lab, and the vet advised feeding him treats as she administered sedation, to distract him from the needle.

Your lovely boy has packed a whole lot of love into his 15.5 years; love unlike any other, I am sure.

Give him lots of gentle hugs and whatever males him happy.

We had this with our 20 year old cat about a month ago. It was his time, he'd had a lovely life, but had been slowing down - and the vet found a tumour. He wasn't in pain, but his life was going out to the front garden and sitting on a patch of catmint and that was all really.

The vet coming to the house was amazing as there was no stress for him. It's your biggest responsibility as an owner I think, and I just thought that I would want someone to be that responsible for me as a human if my time came....

Thanks for all your kind replies. I'm hoping that this 'countdown' is almost the worst part and once it's all happened we'll feel better about having made hopefully the right decision. It's another reason for reluctantly going ahead with tomorrow, I'm not sure I could bare going through this again in a few weeks or months.

I was in the same boat with my Lab, I waited a bit longer and I wish I hadn’t perhaps. Mine was cognitively all there, made it worse. His body had let him down (mobility) and nothing more could be done.

I was very lucky that the vet saw me straight away when the final day came and that it wasn’t a weekend or middle of the night scenario. It was selfish. I was lucky.

I wish I had taken him to the beach for a potter, and just arranged it all a bit sooner. As it was he had steak and strawberries, lots of cuddles and off he went. It was very peaceful.

You are making the right decision, it’s painful but all the indicators are there. 15.5 years is a good innings and I’m sure he’s had a wonderful life xx

He doesn't understand time, it's a human concept. He (like all dogs) lives entirely in the moment, he can't plan for tomorrow or feel nostalgic about yesterday. So it's your job to suppress the guilt and sadness about tomorrow and join him in living this moment together.

As someone upthread said, find something yummy and tasty for his dinner, interact with him in a way he likes, on his terms. If he's not keen on attention anymore, then maybe that's just warming a blanket a bit for him, or putting his bed in his all time favourite place. Or if he still likes a peaceful cuddle, cuddle him with joy and love. For him, today is his whole life, give him a good one, then grieve tomorrow when he's gone. And know that you are doing the right thing.

OP I will be facing a similar situation in the not too distant future and my advice (to myself as well as to you) is that I would rather do it when my pet has had a lovely day/night and is feeling warm and happy and loved, instead of it having to be an emergency visit or happening when they are scared or in pain if they deteriorate quickly. I have two pets who have terminal conditions, and that is what I have decided for mine. At this stage quality of life is more important than quantity.

From experience recently, I found that the lead up was the worst bit. It’s the knowing and waiting. I had to do the same with my cat recently and it was dreadful. But I don’t regret it. It was very very sad though.

Oh im so sorry to hear that! Its really hard.
With my first dog it was clear because she was just in a lot of pain over night with bone cancer and we had to do it quickly.
Our second aged like yours with little problems here and there. For me, i just woke up one day and when i looked at him i felt its time. He looked different to me. Like hes given up. I dint know how to explain it because DH said im crazy and hes the same and on pictures theres no difference to the day before. I guess it was more of a feeling.

In any case, dogs live in the present and its better to do it a few weeks too early rather than a day too late. Dont wait until its inevitable.

Sorry to hear that OP, it's so bloody hard!
But it definitely sounds like it's his time and you just have to be glad and proud of yourselves that you've given him such a fantastic life and that you're able to make this decision so he doesn't suffer. Sending big hugs

Better a week too soon than a day too late.

It’s the absolute pits.

Oh bless you. My heart is with you. I used to work in an OOH vets and have had six of my own dogs over the years.

When the time is right, you know. You just know. Please also know that this an act of love that you are doing for him. You have loved him all this time and you love him still. That's why you are taking this hardest of steps at this most wretched of times. I well recognise the anguished soul-searching, the "is it the right time?", the sorrow and the doubt. I'm so sorry and I wish I could say something that would make it easier.

Your dog has trusted you all his life. He has relied on you for his food, his shelter, his medicine and his care, and his love. In all those things he put his complete trust in you. And he trusts you to do the right thing for him now. In taking this step, this final choice, you are repaying his trust. You are not betraying him, or letting him down. You are making the right choice. He isn't able to make this decision for himself - you are helping him to be free of his pain and are gently stroking away his future suffering. You are giving him the peace and the dignity he cannot secure for himself.

It is an act of love, what you are doing for him. The ultimate act of love, really. You are choosing what you know will likely bring you great pain and sorrow, in order to spare him from his.

Sadly I have seen the results of cases where there has not been such an understanding owner as you. Pets living long, long after they should have done because someone was unwilling or unable to end their torment. Not for your little friend this humiliating decline. You have amply repaid the trust he invested in you. He was right to love and believe in you. You have not let him down now, when it matters the most.

I am sure the vet will be kind. In all my years at the vets, there was never anything but dignity, kindness and compassion, both before and after the pet's passing. If you had an inkpad, you could maybe make some little pawprints on a card, and take a snipping of some fur as a keepsake (some private pet cremation services offer pawprint options as part of their package - I have used an excellent company called Dignity, specialising in private pet cremations). Perhaps afterwards, you could sow some forget-me-not seeds in a corner of the garden that he liked?

The countdown part is wretchedly awful. I'm sorry. Clear away his bowls and things as soon as you can afterwards, it is less painful than having to do it later. You can just put them away, out of sight for now. I know it sounds trite (sorry again) - with your decision will ultimately come peace, there will be smiles again, even with the tears. And the memories and love that you shared will be with you for always.

Please come back and let us know how you are after tomorrow, if you want to. Will be thinking of you.

Thank you for having the immense courage, compassion and decency to love him enough to make this cruellest of decisions. He is so lucky to have had you beside him, throughout his life, for now, and for what is to come. His great fortune in having had you in his life and the memories of the wonderful times you had together will not end with the passing of tomorrow. Those will live on in you. x ❤️💐

I agree that it’s time. It sounds like he’s had a wonderful life with you and he knows he’s loved. This is your last act of love for him.

Oh OP I’m so sorry. You’re doing the right thing. Eating etc is the bare minimum and it sounds like any further decline would be extremely distressing for your dog. It’s awful though. I had my 5 year old hound pts nearly two weeks ago. Be gentle on yourself.

We took our ddog to the beach and for fish and chips!!.
Then she had pancakes with chocolate spread on for tea. It was Pancake Day!.

Sending huge hugs. I’m sitting in a crowded cafe right now and can’t look up as I’m all teary reading this.

One thing I would advise is to not keep apologising to him, as he may then figure out what’s going to happen. I would just be loving, calm and try and smile for him. You sound lovely.

Your post reduced me to tears, OP. I've had 5 of my own dogs and my Nan's dog, which I inherited, pts sleep over the last 3 decades and it's never an easy thing to do. The physical decline you have described will just continue to get worse. The kidney failure will lead to more frequent indoor urination and, in the case of my Nan's Cairn Terrier, epileptic fits. You dog is able to stand up and move about at the moment but the day will come when he can't. He's had a great life with you, he's been loved to bits and had the best possible life. And the kindest thing and the biggest "thank you for being such a wonderful, loyal friend" is to let him go now before things get worse. I've always taken a small cutting from each of my dogs' coats and kept it, it's given me a little comfort to be able to touch their fur when they've gone over Rainbow Bridge. Sending a hand hold.

Thank you so much everyone for your amazing, kind messages, it really means a lot. I definitely know the decision isn't wrong but at the moment it feels so wrong and my heart is literally breaking. I took him for a short trip to choose some treats earlier and I'm sure to a lot of people watching me carry him, he seemed like a healthy dog which makes it so hard. I know everyone's advice and thoughts here are absolutely correct and I just hope after tomorrow we'll start to feel it for ourselves. I've just made his last dinner - it has been a day of 'last everythings and it's absolutely killed me. Thank you everyone and I'll send an update when I'm able.

Sorry you are going through this. I will soon be have to make this decision 😞. I have a 15 year old dog who is slowly becoming slower, deaf and has some sight loss. He also has some big fatty lumps that the vet won’t remove because of his age although they don’t seem to bother him. But he still enjoys his walks but sleeps 90% of the time. I’m gona find it hard to know when it’s the right time.
My previous dog was also 15 but was suffering from a suspected brain tumour had gone downhill quickly and made the decision to have him put to sleep after having one final weekend with him but he took a turn for the worst on the Sunday evening so took him then.

It is heartbreaking but at that stage it is the ultimate kindness. Lots of love to you though it is very hard

So the vet came to our house earlier today and our boy has now gone. It was very peaceful and exactly how I wanted him to go, in my arms knowing he was loved and I'm happy that we were able to do that for him. We'll keep him at home tonight and take him to be cremated tomorrow. We're completely and utterly heartbroken and just realising how hard this process of grief is going to be. I feel horribly guilty and selfishly would give absolutely anything to have one more week with him. However, the build up to today once we'd made the decision was absolutely excruciating and it is somewhat a relief that we don't have to go through that anymore. His lack of presence has already left a massive hole and the house feels horrible. Little things like realising I haven't had to open the back door for the whole afternoon keep breaking me. Any advice for trying to practice forgiveness and deal with this side of it is gratefully received. I hope all of you going through similar are doing ok.

There's no pain like it. I lost my labrador three months ago in a tragic accident and I still can't look at photos of her without breaking down. Sending hugs xx

It’s just really hard. All those little routines change. But it sounds like you did the right thing and did it out of love. So you gave him the best ending possible and didn’t wait until too late. I miss my cat a lot even after months

Oh op, it’s so hard😭 I’m at a similar point with my 13.5 year old diabetic Shih Tzu. Diabetes has ravaged him, he’s blind & deaf & is scared when I’m not easily found in the house. He’s still wanting cuddles though & eating well and enjoys his pottering walks so I can’t bring myself to think about ending it for him. I want him to go from his home rather than a crisis then he has to be pts at the vets.

I really feel for you, I think they ‘tell us’ when it’s time and I think your dog has otherwise you wouldn’t be here. He’s very old and he sounds like he’s had a wonderful life & family. I’m so sorry, they bring us so much joy and yet so much heartbreak.

😢😢I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't know how you're coping as I'm sobbing just reading it.

you have done the right thing though 😍. Imagine if he'd lost the use if his legs when you weren't home?!

kidney disease/failure is dreadful to nurse a pet through. I wish I hadn't put my girl cat (&myself) through it, Several years later I was able to make a better choice for my boy cat.

you lovely boy no longer had a good quality if time & it was a kindness to allow him to go, He was comforted & lived right to his last minute!

big hugs, be kind to yourselves xx