Daughter brought home puppy

[AvidDenimOP]

So my 19yr old was repeatedly told no more dogs (we have 2) however she went ahead & brought home an 8 week old pup saying it was for my birthday. Which isn’t till next month, however I had told her no, we have 2 dogs one is temperamental & 1 has slight ivdd. She didn’t discuss this & knew my feelings - she didn’t talk to step dad either just rocks up home with it. She also has a holiday in 2 weeks but she said her nan would look after it, as a family we also had holiday in a month-my in-laws look after my other dogs (my mum who would be looking after puppy won’t look after the other dogs) so is unfair to also pop in a 12 weeks puppy to them!
daughter works shifts & also has other part time work she often covers, no set routines & is out a lot. I asked for the puppy to be returned or rehomed she refused & has now gone to my mums with the puppy & is staying there. Am I unreasonable to not want this puppy or give into keeping him

YANBU she has been incredibly irresponsible, make sure the pup goes back to the original owner ASAP.

The original owner will not have him back I am told, daughter refuses to rehome him anyway & my mum is therefore having daughter & pup stay with her but both are saying I’m unreasonable in this situation

Oh hell no, if that puppy has come from a "breeder" then it's absolutely a BYB and will have lots of health issues in the future that are going to cost a fortune.
I would be incredibly angry at how immature and irresponsible she has been and would absolutely be reading her the riot act.
Under no circumstances should she be allowed to keep this puppy as she will only feel that your rules don't matter in future.

You most certainly are not , in this situation. Leave them to manage the dog between them, and stand firm.

Well no of course you're not unreasonable you already have 2 dogs and the rule is that everyone has to be on board and in agreement with new pets.
I wouldn't believe a word your 19yr old says, the owner will take them back but they won't refund your DD and your mum probably just wants you to accept the puppy so she's rid of it.
This is your house, not the 19yr olds, puppy goes, end of discussion.

YANBU and I say that as someone who desperately wants a dog but isn't able to get one as my husband doesn't want one right now. It's not fair to anyone to bring a pet home that someone has said no to.

YANBU.

Is she expecting you to be paying for insurance, medical bills, flea/worming tablets etc??? Does she have SEN?

What a cheek! Showing zero respect to you.

Thank you my head also tells me the same thing, I’m heartbroken that this is affecting my relationship with my daughter & feel that my mum should really be supportive here not encouraging daughter to keep the pup & stay with her. She says I am missing the point when I have explained pretty much what you have just said!

Let her stay at your mum's permanently. They can both care for the new puppy they both insist on keeping.

If it is your birthday present then you can just say thank you and then hand the puppy to a rehoming charity. If not she and the puppy can stay at her nan's. Be very firm about this.

Thank you all for your responses I know I’m not unreasonable it’s just heartbreaking to have this situation of my daughter moving to my mums over this

Sounds like a crap breeder if they won’t take the dog back. Clearly happy for it to go anywhere. I love dogs, but I would be so cross if anyone rocked up with a puppy for me.
Huge responsibility not to mention cost.
To buy a puppy for someone who doesn’t want one is massively irresponsible.

Your daughter is going to have a to find a home for it- hopefully she is a bit more responsible about doing that than she was in buying it

Your mum should have YOUR back, she just wants to absolved of your daughters poor decision.
Your DD needs to learn her lesson, do not let that dog in your house op.

Which point are you supposedly missing?
The dog is from a dodgy source?
Its your house?
Your DD is completely irresponsible?
Hold your ground OP, its completely unaccptable

Your mum will realise soon enough. When she has to look after it when your dd goes to work!

What a horrible situation you've been forced into due to your daughter's lack of respect for you, made much worse by your mum supporting your daughter's selfishness and irresponsibility. No wonder you're upset!

YANBU at all.

As difficult as this is for you, please stand your ground otherwise you'll end up with three dogs, one of whom you didn't want.

I feel sorry for the puppy too, who is also a victim of your daughter's irresponsible and selfish actions.

This. It’s so disheartening to think that ignorance is allowing BYB to continue flourishing and continue to keep generations of dogs in misery. But unfortunately yes, an ethical breeder actually tell you that in case it didn’t work out, they’d like to have the pup returned to them. They’re usually more expensive for good reason and unlikely a 19 year old would have paid that on a whim. Obviously sounds like the puppy is for herself than the OP also. I totally agree that 19 year old has been very irresponsible indeed and thinks it’s okay to have it farmed off here and there in its first couple of weeks also given the upcoming things planned. Can’t believe either OPs mum is siding with the daughter 😬

Thank you all, I know she won’t back down & feels I’m the bad one & my mum is pretty much supporting that, is a horrible heart breaking situation

If she genuinely can’t return the puppy to the breeder, she’ll have to be responsible for all its medical needs, food, etc. Honestly, what a cheek trying to give you this responsibility as a “birthday present.”

You are absolutely not the bad one. This isn’t the same as her getting you a new jumper and you rudely telling her to take it back as you hate it!
A puppy is life changing and everyone in the family has to be onboard.
Disappointing your Mum isn’t more sympathetic, but does she know the full story, or does she think you have at some point indicated you wanted another dog, that your daughter did a nice thing and you’ve over reacted?.

I would be going over to speak to them both to say that I’m sure that DD’s heart was in the right place (even though the decision was ridiculous and you are absolutely right to be annoyed and upset) but you didn’t and don’t want a puppy. Explain how it would affect the current family dogs. That whilst they may not see an issue, it will be you with the responsibility not them and that the dog can’t stay.

But I just can’t have another dog, it’s a tiny puppy that needs looking after, I have 2 older dogs I don’t want it hurt or my dogs put out either.

Genuinely thank you for all your replies, i guess i have to leave her to it & hope she sees reason & that puppy is ok & she is happy to live at my mums & hopefully we can continue to have a relationship

Your dd is obviously immature but your mother should bloody well know better.
You are most definitely being the responsible adult here @AvidDenimOP . Stand your ground, your dd will get it one day, really she will.