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Original poster

I really dislike my cat - I want to get rid of her but DP won't let me.

31 replies

namechange123 · 06/05/2008 10:00

I've name changed because I feel awful for saying this but I really hate my cat. She started to irritate me after DS was born and I thought it was just because DS was demanding all my attention so I didn't have any time for her, but now nearly two year on, I still don't get any enjoyment from her.

She wakes me up at 5am every morning whining to be let outside
We can't leave the cat flap open all night otherwise she brings half dead animals in
The house is constantly filthy because she walks mud in everywhere
She sits on me in the evenings, and I used to like this but now it just makes me uncomfortable and I push her off
She has some minor illnesses and it is expensive taking her to the vet
She poos in my vegetable patch
She scratches the furniture

I feel it would be fairer for her to go to a home where people appreciate her, but DP (probably quite rightly) says that we took the responsibility of owning a cat so its our responsibility to make sure we look after her. I don't know what to do - I'd feel awful giving her away (especially as DS is just getting interested in playing with her) but she makes me so annoyed. I don't think I'd do anything to hurt her, but sometimes when she's been whining at the bedroom door for an hour at some ungodly hour in he morning I am completely at the end of my tether.

OP posts:

themoon66 · 06/05/2008 10:03

Can she be given a litter tray to poo in. Then she won't be desperate to go out so early and will also stop pooing in your veg patch.

Saturn74 · 06/05/2008 10:10

Our cat has a catflap, but we lock it at night, so once she goes out, she can't get back in. This suited her fine when she was younger, but not now.

She is 16, and used to sleep on DS1's bed, but has lately started scratching to go out during the night.

So now she sleeps in a cardboard box from the supermarket. It used to have bananas in it - and she loves it - it's like catnip to her!
She has a towel in there to sleep in.

She also has a litter tray.
And a scratching pole.

You're right that it is your responsibility to look after your cat, but she also deserves to be loved. If you continue to feel dislike towards her, perhaps rehoming would be the best option.

Saturn74 · 06/05/2008 10:11

What I meant to say is that she now sleeps in the box, by the radiator, in the kitchen.
And uses the litter tray if she needs to.

It is surprising how much more you love cats when you don't have to get up at 3am to let them out!

wannaBe · 06/05/2008 10:25

I think your dp is right.

Sadly the rspca and cats protection and other similar charities are overflowing with cats that people got and ended up not wanting. I know it's clicheted but an animal is for life... you can't just get rid of an animal when you decide you won't want it any more. What message are you giving your children?

Our cats are shut in the utility at night, so they can go out through the cat flap but if they come in they can't get into the rest of the house. Maybe you could try that?

Cats do bring in dead things, that's what cats do and have always done for ever. Mine are ten now and seem to have outgrown this passtime, so it may well pass.

Sorry to be harsh but it makes me very and when people consider animals as commodities that can be disposed of when they're no longer happy with them.

Original poster

namechange123 · 06/05/2008 10:43

Thank you for being harsh - it has made me realise that I am being unfair and it is our responsibility to look after her. She does have a litter tray which she sometimes uses but more often than not she would rather go outside. She likes going in and and a lot and doesn't like being shut either in or out for any length of time. Our kitchen opens into the hall/stairs and doesn't have a door to close her in at night so she has full roam of the house (apart from ours and DS's room).

She has a scratching post and a basket which she sleeps in most of the time - she is basically a lovely cat who just wants lots of attention. I know its me who has the problem. I want to learn how to like her again - wish I could feel how I used to when I loved playing with her, stroking her, etc.

OP posts:

umberella · 06/05/2008 10:57

your poor cat.

i hope you can find some love for her again otherwise she will be really unhappy. cats are pretty sensitive to this kind of thing (might be why she whines at your bedroom door in the night) and can become quite stressed by it (or even ILL), so although i agree with your DP that she is a responsibility you chose to take on, if you really can't look after her with love and affection, try and find someone who will, for her sake.

fortyplus · 06/05/2008 11:05

She's a really good cat to wake you up and not poo on your carpet! Why not shut her downstairs? Get a door for your kitchen - you can hardly blame the cat for the fact that there isn't one! Mine is shut downstairs but has a cat flap. Yesterday she brought a dead rat in, which is a bit disgusting but I reckon I'm lucky to have a cat that kills them so they aren't building a nest under the shed or something!

Animals come with responsibilities. You need to adjust what you're doing so that things are fairer on the cat - it's not her fault that your choices are making her behave in a way that you find irritating.

WigWamBam · 06/05/2008 11:09

Normally I would say that your dh is right - it should be your responsibility to look after her. But I have to say that your cat deserves better than to be living with someone who despises her, and finding her a home where she will be loved and appreciated would be better for her than leaving her somewhere where you can't even be bothered to let her sit on your lap.

Cats DO scratch. They DO bring animals in. No-one should take on a cat if they are not prepared to deal with that - and no-one should have a cat they are not prepared to spend time fussing.

bethoo · 06/05/2008 11:11

buy lion dung which will stop her from pooing in the garden

bethoo · 06/05/2008 11:16

i do not have a cat flap but keep the kitchen window open so my cats come and go as they please though i always wake up to one of my cats on the pillow next to me!! bless..

it is hard giving attention especially when a baby comes ito the home but it is all about adapting. cats are independant and nto alwyas demanding of attention, they tend to choose when they want it rather than the other way round. i always have time to spare when necesary and they have adapted to my ds and they are aware that if he is around they coem over at their own risk!!! he adores them and i could never let them go on the principle that he absolutley adores them and screeches at an alarmingly high pitched squeel when he sees them!
see on my profile!

KerryMum · 06/05/2008 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bethoo · 06/05/2008 11:18

WigWamBam · 06/05/2008 11:20

But cat haters wouldn't have taken on a cat in the first place, KM ... the OP did.

It's not the cat's fault that you can't stand her any more, OP. Let someone have her who will give her what you're not prepared to anymore.

VictorianSqualor · 06/05/2008 11:20

My cat does the meow downstairs thing at stupid o'clock, and we can;t put a cat flap in as it's a let house, so she goes out at night, and sleeps in the shed.
Could you not get ehr something kennelish and put ehr bed in it so she ahs somewhere nice to go outside to sleep?

KerryMum · 06/05/2008 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muggglewump · 06/05/2008 11:27

I have a cat that lives outside, she doesn't come in at all. I got her from a neighbour, sort of adopted her but she was always an outdoor cat and doesn't seem to care for people at all. She's not viscious, just keeps her distance.
I feed her on the back step and check she's OK but she really is fine.
Would that work for you?

fortyplus · 06/05/2008 11:28

Nasty Kerry!

KerryMum · 06/05/2008 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moyasmum · 06/05/2008 11:58

You look after the kids, your dh looks after the cat if he wants to keep it so much. its warm now , the cat can live outside. You have a responsibilty for someone to look after the cat, but its has to take second place to the kids and you (but ahead of your dh)!

LuckySalem · 06/05/2008 12:05

We have cat who wants to be loved ALL the time and now with DD that is difficult but you still need to make the time for her. If you used to love her then work out why your getting irritated by her now.
If she has a litterbox then she shouldn't need to whine by your door, so shut her downstairs at night. Ours get put in the living room with their litter box and the only time I hear them is when they start tear-arsing round the living room chasing some imaginary creature!
They are mainly indoor cats and only actually go out in the summer. They're so indoor that they will come in to use the litterbox.

If you have a catflap then let her use it, if she's locked downstairs then you'll only ever find animals in the kitchen etc which isn't too bad.

If you can't find it in your heart to love her then do find her a new home but try first.

Chequers · 06/05/2008 12:14

Message withdrawn

TsarChasm · 06/05/2008 12:28

Omg namechange, your post reminded me so so much of me.

We used to have two cats. I like cats. Not in a mad batty way, but yes I do rather like them and dh and I were quite soppy with them. We had them for years.

Then I became pregnant with dd and (I am so ashamed to admit this but I'm being honest here) it was as if a switch was flicked and suddenly I just couldn't bear them near me. It was almost a knee jerk reaction.

I looked after them ok but I just couldn't feel the same about them. Especially as they used to be sick indoors quite a bit. I don't know if it's some sort of biological subconcious thing about being pregnant and babies and being around animals but I never felt the same again about pets.

We kept them but then a few years later I was pregnant again and by then I just didn't want them near a new baby at all. I would feel quite alarmed about the thought of it.

Dh's brother took one, and I know he went on to have a happy home. The other one was very old by this time and sadly died which made me feel even more guilty.

Now dc are older (9 and 6) they are always on about having a pet. I am perhaps a little more open to the idea but the previous stuff still niggles at me and I really don't think we will.

More guilt, because now I think dc probably would benefit from looking after a pet, but I don't think I can after the time before.

OrmIrian · 06/05/2008 12:33

I was just the same tsarchasm. I had no time for her at all. Partly because I was literally too busy and when I sat down finally at the end of the day, I didn't want anything settling down on my lap! Partly also because I decided I just didn't love her as much as my DCs. I couldn't stand her around me and felt guilty. But she was not trouble, had a cat flap so could get in and out independently, never messed anywhere, never got sick. So she stayed. I've become more tolerant of her now, even quite fond of here again, and the DCs love her, but recently she has started to get sick and we replaced the kitchen door recently and can't fit a cat flap... so a lot more hassle. If that had happened when I was in my anti-cat phase I don't know that she'd still be here . I feel terrible about that. She is part of our family.

TsarChasm · 06/05/2008 12:44

It's awful isn't it? I'm sure it's a temporary madness due to pregnancy/baby over protection hormones that kick in for a few years.

We have the most beautiful cat that comes to our garden now to visit. Dc adore him and I'm always glad to see him too. We love it if he comes in for a mooch about indoors.

We don't feed him or try to entice him to stay btw; but he is lovely.

smallwhitecat · 06/05/2008 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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