Heartbroken dog mum, please help!

[Hollie987]

I’m heartbroken to be writing this but I am at breaking point and I was hoping that by sharing, I might come across someone else that has previously felt the same way as me and has a positive outcome or any suggestions which they could please share.

Since having my daughter (6 months old), I have suddenly found myself hating my dog. I am absolutely devastated and I would do anything to not feel this way.

By way of background, my dog is a much longed for and much loved dog. I’ve had her since she was a puppy and she is now 8 years old.

2 years ago my dog was diagnosed with IVDD which left her completely paralysed. She had a huge operation which saved her life and since then I have helped her learn to walk again. Unfortunately the IVDD has left my dog incontinent. The vets and physio have said her condition will not improve further now. Whilst the condition is hard to manage, I just felt lucky that my dog was still able to have what I considered a good quality of life.

When I first bought my daughter home from the hospital, I was conscious about the upheaval it would have on the dog’s life so I made lots of effort with the dog so she continued to feel loved and secure. To begin with everything was completely fine.

Suddenly though, I would say in the last 2 - 3 months, I just feel like I hate my dog. I know how horrific that sounds, but it’s like mentally something has changed in my brain and I now can’t stand being around her.

As a few examples:

The dog makes me feel like everything is dirty and covered in germs. I realise the incontinence plays a huge part in that (and I do not underestimate how hard it is to deal with) but I mean even just touching the dog or having her touching our things, makes me feel sick/ unclean. I can’t remember the last time I cuddled her and I rarely stroke her now. I am constantly cleaning everything and spraying everything with anti bacterial spray, it’s exhausting. I don’t have OCD and I don’t feel like this about any other kind of dirt or germs, it’s just my dog.

I can’t stand the sound of her licking/ grooming or scratching herself - just normal dog behaviour (not obsessively). The sound of it just suddenly makes me feel really annoyed at the dog.

I can’t stand the way she smells. I appreciate all dogs “smell”, but I know she doesn’t particularly smell - she’s short haired and well looked after. I have stopped inviting people round because I think the house is dirty and stinks. I feel
ashamed and being on my own all the time is making me feel quite lonely and isolated when my husband is at work.

I can’t stand her barking. She is a sausage dog so she does have a pretty loud and persistent bark (IYKYK!) but she doesn’t bark anymore than she did before. I find myself shouting at her which makes me feel horrible and obviously isn’t helping the situation.

Since feeling like this, I’ve tried spending more time with the dog in an attempt to re-bond with her, but it’s making it worse, because I feel like a begrudge the time with her. I’ve also tried spending less time with her- for example asking family to take her on walks and look after for an afternoon so I get a break from her and so she still has a good quality of life. But I just feel like nothing is helping.

I feel so sad that I feel like this and completely devastated that it’s preventing me giving my wonderful dog the life she deserves. It’s also effecting my mental health and that has a knock on impact on my daughter too.

I spoke to the vet and the health visitor and they think it’s perhaps a hormonal change that’s made me feel completely unable to cope with the dog. The vet was very matter of fact and suggested putting my dog down. The HV suggested rehoming. It would be challenging to find her a new home because of the incontinence and the IVDD. However even if the right 5* home existed, I don’t particularly want to rehome her. She’s my baby and this is her family and home. It’s not her fault I feel like this. I just want to go back to the way I felt before.

I cry everyday about how I feel and the effect this is having on my lovely 4 legged best friend.

Has anyone ever felt like this too? Is it temporary? Please, please help me.

Hi. Number 1 Congratulations on your new baby. The dog is not a human. It's natural you feel protective towards the new baby and want baby to be clean.

Sounds like you are over stressed. Are you getting enough sleep. Could you have post p depression

I had my incontinent dog in nappies. He was not happy lol. I don't think all this dog mummy talk is helpful at all especially when animals get sick and youre made to feel as if you should get into debt to save it's life.

I'm sure doggy is confused but at the end of the day it will adjust. In the meantime perhaps talk to your health visitor about your crying.

Get your pooch some yummy dog chews tell him your sorry your a bit stressed and think more about it. X

Think no more about it.

I had this to some extent. I left my dog with family for one or two afternoons a week. But it gets easier. It's still early days and you're all still adapting.

Try not to worry about germs from the hair at least, this is the kind of environment that can build kids immune systems. Of course the germs from incontinence still needs to be dealt with though.

It made a big difference to me when my baby was old enough to find the dog entertaining. Just throwing a ball or trying to get a hard to reach toy would cause a fit of giggles.

Just try to be patient.

Hi OP,
Greetings from a fellow owner of a dog with IVDD who had major surgery. It's one hell of a journey isn't it? Emotionally, practically, financially.... you have done an amazing thing to get your little dog to the point she can walk again❤

My immediate thought is that you may have PND and it is focusing itself on your dog. I sadly don't have children myself but I do have personal experience of hormonal changes that caused some horrific emotional changes and which I almost didn't survive.

I know that many women with PND are irritated by, dislike or even outright hate their own babies. So I think it's entirely possible in your case it may have been directed on to your dog.

I think you need to discuss this with your GP and see what support you can get...also reach out to online PND resources, I bet there is someone out there who has experienced something very similar.

I know it's hard but try not to judge yourself for your thoughts and feelings towards your dog. It is very, very clear from your post how much you love her and how well looked after she is. You haven't lost that love, it's just buried for the time being. She is very lucky to have you, and you her. Wishing you all the best x

It's normal, and valid - your maternal instinct has kicked in. They are so unsanitary, and they smell - my sense of smell heightened when I was pregnant and never went backwards - I have never had pets, but I am now very anti them, and this started when I had kids.

Please watch:
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I don't think there is anything wrong with freeing yourself from the dog. Your child must come first.

Edit to add. The incontinence alone is enough to get the dog put down - you can't have your baby crawling around on a dog piss floor. Vet was willing, it's ok to go down this route.

Also worth a watch:

I was brought up in a shall we say non too clean but loving household. Looking back I bet as a nipper I even came into contact on so e level with rats outdoors. You know when playing out. Yes to the other poster who said germs make your immune system strong. It's fine get some human nappies if you want to keep your pooch. I've lived amongst dogs for years, never been ill from it. X

This. Get yourself a GP appointment as it doesn’t sound like you’re thinking rationally right now. Ignore the dog hating PP above.

My 7mo is loving our dogs, watching them is great entertainment for him and as has been said, it’s good for the immune system! With time and maybe some medical support if needed, you will all get through this temporarily tough time.

I think your vet has offered the kindest solution for all involved

Ha. Rational? How is bringing an outdoor animal into our homes, RATIONAL? They are filthy. It's ok if you want to have dogs, that's obviously up to you. But an animal pissing on our home floors and us being ok with that is NOT RATIONAL in the least. They lick their private parts, they eat poo and vomit. Yuck.

OP, it is ok that you are feeling like this - to me, it is normal and right.

I absolutely loathe the phrase "get rid of" when applied to animals. They're not rubbish to be thrown away!

OP, if it’s any help, the ZOE podcast did an hour with an expert on allergies in childhood recently, who reported that observational studies had found that babies who were brought up with dogs (and all their germs) were 50% less likely to have allergies.

Your dog could be helping your daughter’s immune system.

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/zoe-science-nutrition/id1611216298?i=1000665444076

You’re sharing hateful videos and encouraging a vulnerable, possibly ill with PPD, new mother to ‘get rid’ of her much loved dog? How horrid.

Just vile and really distressing for the OP I imagine.

Is there perhaps a way you could find a temporary foster home for your dog while you get some help for yourself? There's an old thread with some ideas here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_doghouse/4435752-Services-to-care-for-dog-while-in-hospital

My posts were the opposite. I was empathising, and showing her that she is most definitely not alone in her feelings, and it is widespread yet barely spoken of. She shouldn't be written off as irrational, imo. I'd hate to be made to feel like i was crazy and alone, when the opposite is true.
My posts provide balance. OP is free to watch the videos, see if she feels validated, and then she can take it from there. She's free to do whatever she likes, I was just sharing information I know my friend who went through this found useful.

Sex toys for dogs?!

Those are not my words, but having watched a lot of the videos from that same channel, it is clear she is responding to the terminology used a lot around this issue, and is, actually, very compassionate and an animal advocate (just believes we have a duty to protect wildlife and the planet, and dogs and cats aren't congruent with that, a view I have come to agree on). It's ok to think differently.

Also, they are far from hateful videos - if you watch more, they actually are in support of making people think about the planet, focus on all animals, not this hyper focus the west has on pet animals only.

Please ignore the dog hater posting links from a group centred around cat/dog hatred. Here is a screenshot from some of their videos

Quote from a couple of minutes into one of the above videos.

"The truth is dogs are pea brained instinct, driven, remorseless, unloving, scavenging predators that have no conscience and when I say they do not love you - they do not love you."

Yes they are hateful.

I don't like dogs, but I don't hate them. I don't like dog culture though, and I think it is ok to rail against it, and share my views that it's ok to not want dogs in our homes.
I really like cats, but I don't like their effect on wildlife. It's ok to think outside the box from a society that focuses on pet animals only, when the reality is we have a duty to think a little harder about the wider implications.

Hi Op, First let me say that I am a massive dog lover and have had one or two dogs for many years…..
but, I would not keep an incontinent dog, I also think that being incontinent is not fair on a dog.
Just my opinion and others may disagree but I feel the kindest thing would be to let your dear little dog go, for your sake and hers.

"for the love of natural animals and the environment". She's right. But our pet-obsessed culture isn't ready to hear it.

I will bail on this thread, as I don't want to derail for the OP, but i do think, OP, you might find the first two videos I linked helpful. You are not alone, and it is normal to feel the way you do when you have a baby. Best of luck.

I see the dog delusionists are here telling you that you should be okay with dog feces in your home with your baby.
I would have the dog destroyed in heartbeat, no way would I subject my baby, my human baby to dog feces in the home.
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