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Original poster

How will I know?

30 replies

Anono1001 · 01/04/2024 13:31

I dont really know what else to add really, I'm very teary wondering how I make the decision?

Vets is conflicting, in December he was booked in to PTS on their advice. He bounced back (not fully) but to a point where on his next two vet visits they told me he wasn't yet ready but I will need to start thinking about his quality of life.

His just become abit distant. Wants to be with us bit not close enough for us to touch, though once he does let us he enjoys it and lets out a purr sort of noise. His mobility has been deteriorating for a whole with his back legs frequently going. It takes him a while now to get comfortable, he finds it hard to sit and when he lays down it takes him a long time and his back legs never fully go down. He has become very incontinent which I just accepted as part of his old age bit now he is pooing in his sleep and laying in it. He wants to sleep alot, most of the day but will be quite unsettled during the night.

I know I'm going to be told it's time and my heart is broken as there is still so many qualities that the vet said he will no longer want to do but still does.

How did you make the decision it was time? Please be kind, I'm heartbroken at the thought and scared there is still some time/happiness left in him

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ImWatching · 01/04/2024 13:37

I think it’s time.
Cats mask their pain really well but it sounds as if, given he’s unable to get comfortable, that he may be suffering.

You love him so much and will miss him, but it would be a kindness for him to drift off to sleep, rather than deteriorate and suffer further discomfort or pain.
So sorry Flowers

Eyesopenwideawake · 01/04/2024 13:40

It's absolutely time.

Original poster
Anono1001 · 01/04/2024 14:00

Sorry I know I said a purr, but he's a French Bulldog. I just didn't know how to explain the noise he makes

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Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop · 01/04/2024 14:03

I agree that it’s time.

ErrolTheDragon · 01/04/2024 14:05

Dogs can mask (or simply not show) their pain too... probably applies to most animals.

I'm afraid it is time.Flowers

Cattrovert · 01/04/2024 14:06

Better a week too soon than a day too late

CurlewKate · 01/04/2024 14:14

In my opinion, as soon as a cat can't keep itself clean it's time. I'm sorry, @Anono1001

Original poster
Anono1001 · 01/04/2024 14:21

Sorry he is a dog. He seems settled and peaceful right now which makes it so hard but his life is very different from what it was and has been slowly deteriorating over the last 18 months

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Cello4 · 01/04/2024 22:25

Hello, It is heart-wrenching to be in this position, not only having to face losing a much loved Pet, but having to make the decision to do so. It would seem you are waiting for a clear signal that the time as come. But with old age and the consequent decline, there are multiple signs that you need to consider that contribute to your dog's quality of life.

From what you have said, movement is difficult and obviously painful, due to trying to become comfortable. The incontinence will be dreadful for your dog to experience, again the body is failing. You mentioned acting "distant", perhaps your dog as also had a stroke, and feels confused.

I do agree with the adage "A week too soon is better than a day too late". At present you have time to arrange goodbye that is gentle and peaceful. Don't wait until your dog no longer has that time, and the trip to the Vet, is rushed and frightening.

This may sound strange, but sit quietly with your dog, stroke gently, and actually tell your dog that you have both loved each other greatly, and you don't want your dog to suffer any more. Ask that your dog helps you to know it is now ok to let him go.

Something very important, stay with your dog till the very end. Hold back your tears, this if for the love of your dog and not you. Even ask your Vet for a few moments alone before and after to have a private goodbye.

This is the last most precious act that you can ensure, that your Pet can go with dignity and peacefully, and with you by his side. x

Original poster
Anono1001 · 02/04/2024 12:12

Thanks all for your help.

I've decided it's time. And I'm broken hearted. Luckily he is still able to do alot of the things I've been told to look out for stopping. I guess that fills me with alot of guilt. But carrying him downstairs today to take him outside it's really made me think about things. I put him on the kitchen floor and he just weed on the spot despite the door being open. He just looked up at me and it was as if he was saying 'I'm sorry but im so tired Mum'. He then didn't want to come inside after he ate. When he eventually did he stood in the same spot for around 25 mins with his hind legs slightly bent. He didn't appear to be able to get himself down to comfortable position. I cried a little, knowing, and made him some buttery crumpets as he always use to love sharing mine but now he had his own. He ate them well and then went outside again. He managed to get himself seated squashed up against the door which ive noticed for a while he has been doing, squashing himself against something to sit. I left him peacefully sniffing the air enjoying the sunshine on him, and kept checking in. I was ait concerned he hadn't pooed, only he had. He has done it as he was squashed up against the door. It was this moment I broke down and told myself this is for him and not because I can't go this anymore.

He is now very comfortably fast asleep but I am utterly heartbroken to have accepted my beautiful boy will soon be free in a different world to mine. I've wished him to go peacefully in his sleep but only because then I'd feel he decided when to leave us.

I'm now left making arrangements

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Original poster
Anono1001 · 02/04/2024 12:34

So I had a bath to make myself feel abit better and like he has always done since he was a puppy he came and went to sleep next to the bath with me in it.

Everyone has always said how attached he is to me, he is always looking for me no matter who he is with and wants to be with me.

How lucky am I to of had this kind of love 💙

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WhatATimeToBeAlive · 02/04/2024 12:39

I'm so sorry you are going through this. But it does sound like it's his time and he has had enough. Sending you strength. Yes, we are lucky to have had our pets' love and this will be the kindest and hardest thing to do for them.

Original poster
Anono1001 · 03/04/2024 18:07

Please can someone help me feel better about this?

Tomorrow is the day. The knot in my stomach is massive and the grief is horrendous. I keep looking at the time, less than 24 hours now. I'm utterly heartbroken.

Today he hasn't had such a bad day, but has slept most ot it. A friend said to me 'I think he has more time, you're doing it too soon', and now I am riddled with guilt as if I am murdering him.

My worry is my dog doesn't look particularly ill, just aged, exhausted and sad. Today in a perky moment which are rare he appear very alert, it was soon followed by him sleeping which in was told 'his old, that's normal', and now I feel like I am taking his life from him.

My dog's mobility is hugely compromised. His spine is twisted and his back legs frequently give way. He is doubly incontinent but be so oblivious he will continue to sleep in it (whist I'm out at work). He poos himself most nights whilst asleep when his back goes into spasm. He has seizures that are getting worse, he breathes deeply from his stomach, his eating less but tries, but mostly takes from the hand now. He appears exhausted and mostly wants to sleep. I'm sure he has dementia also as he will randomly and uncontrollably at nothing, he is very unsettled at night, I could do on.

Please tell me im doing the right thing? He is currently fast asleep squashed up against me snoring. I cant believe I won't have this again after tomorrow

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Original poster
Anono1001 · 03/04/2024 18:14

Sorry the vet also is convinced he has some sort of liver and kidney failure.

Sorry I think I'm just trying to justify why I am making this awful decision

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Idontknowwhattodo78 · 03/04/2024 18:40

Ah op. I feel your pain. I’m 35 dogs in and I’ve had to make this decision more times than I can count. It’s shit, the shitest of the shit. And it breaks my heart, every time, it honestly never gets any easier.

BUT you know him, better than anyone else. You know he’s had enough and so the last kindness you can do him is to send him on his way, with you by his side. Hold him close, tell him you love him, then let him go.
It is the right decision, for him, you know that, if it was up to you, he’d live for ever. But, that’s not how it works. Do your last job and be proud of the life you’ve given him. Lots of love xx

johntorodesfatcheeks · 03/04/2024 18:47

I think you have to look at it as the most enormous act of love and care you can ever show a beloved animal but the heartache is all consuming, for quite some time.
so sorry you are going through this. But you have shared so much love that won’t ever die. 💕

Original poster
Anono1001 · 03/04/2024 18:50

Wow 35 dogs @Idontknowwhattodo78 how on earth have you managed so many decisions.

Your response has made me a little teary as yes I do know him. And I feel he is existing for me and not because he is enjoying life.

I can hear him obsessively licking at his paws, something I'm ashamed to admit has annoyed me in the past. I guess I now have to miss all the little things that I thought were annoying at the time but they made him, him

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Nannyfannybanny · 03/04/2024 18:58

Sending you love 💕. Ignore your friend,he has masses of health issues,it is time to say goodbye..we had to have Leo our Phalene PTS January 23,he was almost 18. No physical health issues, but CCD for about 5 years. His final year,he barked, then howled and cried at night, confused, didn't know where he was. Wanted food night and day because he couldn't remember he had eaten. He still enjoyed going for walks, although we couldn't let him off the lead,in his confusion he would go off after other people. Several months visiting the vet, tried supplements and meds, they didn't help. Vet said the fact he was eating and wanting to go for walks, didn't mean he had a decent quality of life. He was like a very frightened human with dementia. I actually felt a lot better after he had been PTS than booking and doing the deed. He was much loved spoiled rotten and slept on our bed.

Vallmo47 · 03/04/2024 19:00

It is time OP. The professionals have told you so and deep in your heart you also know this. It’s just really difficult. Your friend said the wrong thing, maybe she’s also attached and can’t quite see straight. But it is time. Let your best friend drift off to sleep, in his heart you will always be together x

BrightLightTonight · 03/04/2024 19:11

I’m sorry to say, but what you have described, it is absolutely the right time for him. I know it is breaking your heart, but it will hurt a lot more if you delay the inevitable.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow xx

Original poster
Anono1001 · 03/04/2024 19:15

Oh I love all your replies but I am crying. I know, the decision is made and the time is approaching. Thank you for the reassurances.

I'm scared of the looming loneliness. But once his free I hope he gets a serious case of the zoomies, and is able to use his legs properly again, something he hasn't been able to do for a long time. He loves to be outside but his legs dont allow him to get to the end of the drive anymore. I hope he has the most fun, free from discomfort and able to do everything his body use to let him do

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Original poster
Anono1001 · 04/04/2024 11:49

My baby has gone. When his breathing stopped I broke. I feel so numb

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Idontknowwhattodo78 · 04/04/2024 12:34

I’m so sorry op. Massive hugs. You did the kindest thing for him, he is now pain free and no longer suffering. Personally, I believe that I will be reunited with all mine when my time comes and until then, I like to think of them having fun, all together, fully restored and pain free. I think that’s where your boy is now too.
Be kind to yourself now, it’s a massive loss, but in time, you will think more of the good times and smile, I promise xxx

Original poster
Anono1001 · 05/04/2024 16:10

Oh I feel so lost. And I'm crippled with guilt today that i could have acted better in certain situations, e.g I wish now I didn't use to get cross with him or tell him he was a naughty boy when he had an accident. It's honestly hurting me that I told him off for things he couldn't help which I think in the beginning I had no idea it wasn't his fault at all. My mindset did shift when I realised his body was starting to fail him but I really feel shitty about the times I could have done differently

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