When to send cat across the rainbow bridge

[User181019]

My beloved 16 year old cat has advanced kidney disease and has deteriorated quite rapidly in the last couple of months. Loss of muscle in back legs so he's no longer roaming and exploring outside (what he loved doing) and spends all day sleeping on my pillow. We have brought back the litter tray and I sometimes see him struggle to balance himself so he doesn't get pee on himself as he also has arthritis. The vet says he's not in pain...yet. The vet's advice is that the kindness thing is PTS as he can't guarantee medication (at this advanced stage and his age) will prolong his life much more than a few weeks or months at best. We're also away for Christmas (abroad visiting family) and I'm terrified something will happen whilst we are away and he's away from us.

So we've agreed that our cat will be PTS. We are having it done at home so he can have his last sleep where he loves to be.

The only thing is, how do we know when to do this? I keep telling myself that he's not in pain. His quality of life is gone but he sits on my bed and purrs when I'm there next to him. He still likes to cuddle and sleep on my chest. There's still life in him. But he's been an outdoor cat for 16 years and now he just lies there all day. He eats but his weight has plummeted by almost half.

But I also don't want to risk hoping he'll hang on until the New Year given how much he's gone downhill in just a few weeks.

For those who had to make this terrible, terrible decision, how have you decided when to do it? I know that a day too early is far better than a day too late but I'm still finding it hard to commit to a date for the vet to come.

I had no idea this would hit me so hard. I cry every time I think about saying goodbye.

Oh I'm so sorry - you poor thing. It's so hard but your vet is right - much better to get it done now than risk your lovely cat going downhill overnight or at some point when you're not there.

I had a similar situation with my lovely cat. We knew the end was very close, so on a Friday morning we phoned the vet for an end of day appt, had a lovely day with her doing whatever she wanted and eating all the things she used to like stealing from us (sausage, yogurt, ham...). She had a lovely sleep on our laps, and spent time out in the garden. Then we had a weekend away with friends to distract us.
It was horrible coming back from that weekend and the cat being gone, but knowing she had a lovely last day with us, and we didn't have a stressful visit to the vet when it was getting too late, made for a very peaceful end. Maybe she'd have had another few days or a week, but letting her go potentially a day or 2 early was way better than leaving it late.

Honestly - I'd do it sooner rather than later. The end is nigh, and I think we owe it to our cats to give them a dignified end.

Thanks @Pootles34 and @ReviewingTheSituation . I'm sorry to hear about your cats too.

I think I'm finding it hard as we only just found out about the kidney disease. He hid it so well. He had a check up end of summer and the vets thought he was fine. We just thought he was getting slower as he was getting older.

I know you're both right that it's better to let them go. My goodness. It's just so hard when I see him sat contentedly next to me. But I absolutely want to do the right thing and give him a peaceful and dignified ending. It's so heart breaking. I didn't think it was going to be this hard letting go.

I'm so sorry that you're at this point. Not a cat, but when I reached this point with my dog, I knew. It's heartbreaking.

From what you've said, you know it's time. Better a day too soon as they say... sending you

I would do it now, but I don't believe your vets opinion that a cat with arthritis is not in pain.

I'm sorry it's absolutely not what you want to hear, but it's what I would do

Honestly OP in your circumstances of being away soon etc I would do it now - have a lovely weekend lots of cuddles and treats and then go in early next week, it’s bloody sad , and you will grieve because he is very loved , but better for him to go now surrounded by love than something happen whilst you are away. Xxx

Now.

The vet has already said to pts, and it's awful - it's one of the worst things to think about doing for our beloved pets, but it's necessary - it's the final loving action we can do for them.

You have already said his quality of life has gone, yes he is purring he may even purr whilst it is happening.

Have you experienced having a beloved pet pts ? ( I do not mean to sound harsh or unkind, the tears have been streaming down my face as i've been typing ) if you haven't you are welcome to message me and I can explain the process.

The longer you leave it, the more upset you are going to get. Do not consider leaving it until the New Year - I don't know what plans you had for who is looking after him whilst you are away but it's not the same as him being at home with you whether it be a cattery / cat sitter / neighbour popping in etc..

Think about what you would like to happen afterwards, do you want him buried in your back garden ? or do you want him cremated ? Would you want to scatter his ashes in your garden or do you not want his ashes back.

Think about who lives with you ? if anyone, and who will want to be there when the vet comes ? I am not suggesting rentacrowd but you may have an adult child who doesn't live at home.

I am so so sorry.

It's time.

Cats can sometimes purr to self soothe themselves if in pain.

Show them the greatest act of love. Remember your cat has no concept of not being around. Keeping them alive is purely for us.

I think a rule of thumb is that as soon as you wonder if you should, you should already have done it (presuming you are a good loving pet owner, which you clearly are).

I'm sorry it hurts. But it is the good and honourable thing. 💐

Just popping in to say I'm so sorry 😞 I'm facing the same decision with mine, she's 20 and I adopted her a year and a half ago and in the last few days has become very much like your poor cat, although she now struggles to move much and isn't eating (did eat yesterday) so we have also had to make that decision. I don't think she's in pain but her quality of life has deteriorated very quickly.

I'm so very sad about it. I just know that she's had the best life I could give her for the last year or so (rather than the rescue!) So this is the last bit of kindness for her. It's such a hard decision though so I know what you are going through.

When we were at this stage with my dog, the light hadn't entirely gone out of her eyes (not quite), but the struggle was too great and getting greater...
On the day, just before vet arrived, she had a good moment, frisked in the garden (beautiful sunshine), even picked a ball up and brought it to me, we played. Oh god my heart. 💔
Then the deed was done. I filled buckets with my tears.
But actually, looking back I'm glad that was the final moment, her life ended before all her soul was crushed and before she was begging for release - but that day was definitely round the corner - I'm glad she never saw it. ❤️
It's tough, you want to find that fine line when they've lived all the good life they can live and not a moment before... But if you misjudge and it goes too long, that's worse I think. If he's still purring when he goes, that's not actually a bad thing if you look at it that way.
Sorry you're going through it.
We would still love them all over again though wouldn't we? 😍

I regret not letting my cat go sooner. I watched her carefully, because she seemed quite content eating and drinking well, sleeping a lot. Nothing out of the ordinary. But cats maintain those routines longer than other animals and they don’t show pain and distress in a very obvious way. I didn’t want to end her life prematurely when she seemed happy but I think she was suffering more than I realised.

I know how hard it is. It is an incredible act of love.

Once you accept its necessary you will know.
My 18 year old cats both were very clearly ready to go. One lost the use of her back legs, so we spent a last 24 hours with her. She was drugged to eyeballs so not in too much pain, and we got to say goodbye. Her brother lived a few weeks longer but was clearly unhappy and sitting facing the wall a lot.
It's heart breaking but for the best.

I'm sorry to say, but if your vet is advising it, then now's the time. I lost my old boy back in August and it's heartbreaking. I asked myself many a time, how will I know? The fact you're on here asking suggests you know but are doubting yourself, or perhaps want someone to tell you clearly. I doubted myself too and asked the vet if they thought I was doing the right thing. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I let my 19 year old mog go when she would no longer turn her head for ham.

It should have been earlier. But she brought me a final mouse the day before, goodness knows how, and I hope it gave her a last wicked pleasure. Presumably it actually ran into her open mouth, as she was a bony, slow, arthritic old lass by that point.

Horrible decision to make, but do it now, don't leave it until that time you can't be with him.

I'm sorry, this is such a tough situation but it sounds like it is time. While he may not be in pain (although with cats it's hard to say sometimes), his quality of life is greatly diminished.

Aww I had to make that decision for several generations of much loved tabbies. It's never easy but I think you instinctively know that it's the right time. And it's the last act of love for your pet.

I can't bare to think of the actual last journey to the vets although I don't regret being the one to take them. I just block it out. We have ours buried in the back garden and I get a certain comfort from that.

Thanks everyone. I've just been crying constantly since the vet told me. I've been on the phone all day trying to sort out a home visit from a vet. Ours don't do home visits and it seems that every mobile vet in our area is busy. I'm waiting to hear back from one on whether they can come on Monday (avoiding the weekend as I want the kids at school).

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon thank you for the offer. It's been explained to me that the cat will be sedated so he can fall asleep in my arms or wherever I wish. They won't administer the injection to PTS until he's asleep. I know their body may release so we're prepare with old towels.

I've found a lovely pet cemetery about 40 mins drive away so we'll be having him cremated there. They'll give us another chance to say goodbye as we'll drive him there ourselves. I'm also going to order a plaque so we can put it in the memorial garden where his ashes will be scattered. It's open all year round so I like the idea that we can visit. The vets can organise the cremation but I wanted to choose our own that's closer to get to.

I've taken fur clippings. I also tried to get a paw print with some inkless print sets but he didn't like that. So it's more like an ink blot. But I'll think of him nevertheless because it's so typically my cat to object to a paw print.

Thank you everyone. It's so hard but hearing your stories, makes it slightly easier to book that date. It seems like yesterday that we rescued him and he'd cuddle up on my chest to sleep at 4 weeks old. He has had a really good life though and I'm grateful that we can choose his ending. A fear of ours had always been that he'd lose a fight with a fox or have an accident one day and we'd never find his body. He absolutely loved being outdoors in the sunshine.

I'm sorry for everyone's loss. I hope our beloved pets are somewhere together having fun and forever knowing they were much loved and cherished when on earth.

Four weeks old! Goodness, what's the story behind that? Was he abandoned?

@CatonmyKeyboard unfortunately, yes. I hadn't even wanted a pet but, equally, I didn't want the cat to go to a shelter!! We'd never take a kitten from its mum at that age otherwise. That's far too young. So, as far as my cat is concerned, I'm his mum.

I’m so sorry OP. At this point the last and best gift you can give him is no more suffering. I had to make that decision on the spot and my knees buckled, but it was right and he deserved a kind ending. 💐

Bless you, it’s a horrible time. I was in charge of this decision about this time last year for a 17yo, again with advanced kidney disease. I set out a number of criteria, which were:

1. is he purring when stroked? Generally staying relaxed when being made a fuss of?
2. is he sitting in our laps or hiding?
3. is he eating and drinking - increased drinking is normal with kidney issues but the real worry is when they go off their meals and drinks.
4. has he suddenly changed his routine - for ours that was suddenly stopping his very leisurely tour of the garden at an accustomed time
5. any big personality changes? We knew something was wrong when he stopped basically attacking us and became very cowed and weak.

as you’ve got the added factor of your holiday to consider, it might be better to do it slightly sooner than you would otherwise. Prolong it as long as he’s comfortable but he really won’t feel a thing, he’ll just drift off to sleep and feel no more pain.

Earlier this year, I had to make the decision to put my beloved cat to sleep. He had early-onset kidney failure, probably due to the rotten life he'd had as a badly mistreated stray on a sink estate.
He went to sleep quietly, with me holding him gently and telling him what a fabulous cat he was. He was cremated at the veterinary clinic and his ashes scattered in their memorial gardens.
I have another cat now, another mistreated stray, who, after trying to kill me in the first month, has settled down beautifully and is a dear and affectionate companion.
I will never forget King Kevin Kat. He was a huge personality and for all his naughty ways, I loved him dearly.

It's awful, isn't it!? I remember so clearly having to make this decision for our almost 18 year old cat. It was old age really and although he'd been becoming frail for a while but he could still wander happily around the house and until the day before he died was eating and drinking fairly well.

Then, he had a fall from his favourite windowsill from which he loved surveying his territory and watching up and down the road. It quickly became clear that he couldn't get up and I knew then that it was bad news. It was definitely time although it had come upon us quite suddenly.

It was Christmas morning 2017 that DD1 and I drove him to the emergency vet, who confirmed that putting him to sleep was the kindest option because he was very unlikely to ever get up again.

I had him put to sleep that morning. Awful decision, but I felt a strange kind of relief afterwards knowing that I had done the only thing possible at the right time and given him the final kindness when it was most needed.

It was a very surreal Christmas, that 2017 one. We raised our glasses of Christmas wine to him later that day and reminisced a lot.

I have his ashes in a beautiful wooden urn on his windowsill.

It sounds like it is time for you too now. I offer you a handhold. It's one of the hardest parts of pet ownership. Letting go.