When to send cat across the rainbow bridge

[User181019]

My beloved 16 year old cat has advanced kidney disease and has deteriorated quite rapidly in the last couple of months. Loss of muscle in back legs so he's no longer roaming and exploring outside (what he loved doing) and spends all day sleeping on my pillow. We have brought back the litter tray and I sometimes see him struggle to balance himself so he doesn't get pee on himself as he also has arthritis. The vet says he's not in pain...yet. The vet's advice is that the kindness thing is PTS as he can't guarantee medication (at this advanced stage and his age) will prolong his life much more than a few weeks or months at best. We're also away for Christmas (abroad visiting family) and I'm terrified something will happen whilst we are away and he's away from us.

So we've agreed that our cat will be PTS. We are having it done at home so he can have his last sleep where he loves to be.

The only thing is, how do we know when to do this? I keep telling myself that he's not in pain. His quality of life is gone but he sits on my bed and purrs when I'm there next to him. He still likes to cuddle and sleep on my chest. There's still life in him. But he's been an outdoor cat for 16 years and now he just lies there all day. He eats but his weight has plummeted by almost half.

But I also don't want to risk hoping he'll hang on until the New Year given how much he's gone downhill in just a few weeks.

For those who had to make this terrible, terrible decision, how have you decided when to do it? I know that a day too early is far better than a day too late but I'm still finding it hard to commit to a date for the vet to come.

I had no idea this would hit me so hard. I cry every time I think about saying goodbye.

I just looked at both of mine, and suddenly knew. The light had gone from their eyes.

Thank you everyone. Our beloved cat has now crossed the rainbow bridge. We know it was the kindest thing to do but it's still heart wrenching and I feel quite bereft. We were lucky that we could have him PTS at home. He was in my arms, cuddled and surrounded by love right until the very end and he went peacefully. As well as kidney disease, they suspected he also had a liver tumor. He had stopped eating 24 hours before our appointment for him to be PTS and the light had gone out of his eyes. We knew he wanted to go. The vet said he would not have survived until Xmas. He may not even have survived another day as he had stopped eating.

I have cried and cried though. I managed to hold it together whilst they injected the sedative as I didn't want him to feel that I was upset. I held it in whilst they injected the final injection as I wanted his soul to leave peacefully. Then I sobbed my heart out afterwards. He looked so peaceful that I kept on thinking he'd wake up. All evening, I keep expecting to see him on my bed but he isn't there.

I know love is letting go and we did that. He is no longer in pain and his soul is free. But he's left such a hole in my heart and I miss him so much it hurts. I know it will get better in time but it is very hard. I loved him so much.

Oh, you poor thing. It’s so difficult saying goodbye. I was playing with ours the whole time he was waiting to go to the vet appointment and then sat with the body a while - my parents own a farm and wanted to bury him in the fields. I still expected him to stir even 24 hours later and kept seeing him walking past the big front window for months. I really hope it helps to have seen him be put to sleep, particularly if he was sedated beforehand - it’s really peaceful. Let yourself grieve and don’t be cross with yourself. Grief for a pet can be terrible and we’re most often responsible for when they go. RIP to him. He died with those he loved and is having a proper rest. You’ve done the right thing. If there is a pet heaven he will be thanking you from up there, if not he’s just having the best sleep in the world, forever.

Thank you @CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau . Yes, we had him sedated beforehand so it was very peaceful. I was cuddling him like I always do and stroked him and told him over and over how much he was loved and what a good boy he was until he fell asleep. We decided to drive him to the pet crematorium ourselves where we got to lay him to finally rest and have some more time with him. I kissed him and said goodnight and I hoped he was somewhere knowing that I was loving him right until the very end. Our children are also grieving as the have only ever known a world and a home with him in it. My youngest, bless, has cried himself to sleep but I know that we all need to grieve. Thanks again for your kind words. I'm also sorry for your loss. The grief and pain is the price we pay to have them in our lives and to love and be loved by them.

It sounds like you’ve dealt with it as best as possible for your cat and the children. Being with the body for a bit makes it much easier to accept the death, even if it takes a few days to dawn on you all. You’ve done the right thing for him. He will truly have known he was cared about and died in the minimum discomfort. I always think about it like I’ve thought about anaesthetics - one minute you are thinking and the next you aren’t. He went to sleep with maximum fuss and love and minimal pain. It also sounds like you’ve made the experience easier for your DCs.

By the way, I don’t know it this is a colossally insensitive thing to say, but if and when you’re ready to get another cat, if you want one.it’s a really good idea to get one who is very different to the original so he’s not trying and failing to be a replacement for your beloved pet of years, but instead an exciting new and different friend who won’t be directly measured against your old and loyal one.

Oh I'm so sorry :( I also lost my old lady cat I posted about earlier on Friday. Sounds very similar to yours.
Very sad about it and will miss her a lot, she was such a character.

Sorry to you too :( really tough decision but worth it to know they won’t suffer too much. When I was on vet work experience I saw a horse that couldn’t walk because of a chronic issue. The thing was, all the nerves had been cut in his front leg (all the pain ones) where the source of the pain was. He shouldn’t have been able to feel it but he obviously could because he wasn’t just limping but showing the classic physiological markers of pain (nerves, raised heart-rate, short of breath). The vet remarked under her breath that she was so angry with the owner because she was just hanging on for her own sake. We make these sacrifices for those we care about. Including pets.