AIBU wanting these kittens?

[Melomelop]

My family (DH, DD age 9, DS age 6 and myself) have a cat who is 15 years old. I really want to get two kittens from a local rescue. My DH is really against getting them for two reasons: 1) our current cat may not get on with new kittens (she doesn’t like any of the neighbours cats) and 2) he is worried about the cost. On the second point, he worries ALL the time about mortgage rates, cost of fuel, cost of utilities etc - we both work and have a very good joint income between us. He is however the main income as I went part time when having the kids (his job has no flexibility so I have to do all the childcare, school runs, cooking etc). He doesn’t enjoy his job and is always talking about doing something else within the company but I think he begrudges the fact that he needs to keep earning the money he is on if we want to continue with our current lifestyle. He said if we get the kittens, it’s an added cost that, although we can currently afford, we may find it difficult in 18 months when we remortgage if the rates keep going up. We have savings as well and I think it’s ridiculous to not do things now in case something happens in 18 months! I’m not saying we should be reckless, but it’s two kittens, not like buying a stupidly expensive car! He’s making me feel like I’m being really unreasonable to want them :(

YABU
What’s your plan when your elderly cat inevitably hates the kittens and gets stressed out?

You have a duty to your existing cat, even though they aren’t a cute and cuddly kitten anymore.

YABU. What if the kittens have major health problems that require a lot of vet care? What if your older cat dislikes them and they stress her out? It doesn't seem like you have thought through the consequences.

I'm all for rescuing kittens but in this instance I think YABU because of your elderly cat and how it will affect their life

YABU. Your husband would get over it, but your elderly cat doesn't need a pair of rambunctious kittens messing up her golden years.

Your dh sounds sensible.

I know it's such a temptation when you see pictures of the cute little fluffballs, but you really do need to consider your elderly cat here.

Your existing cat is an only cat, andit would be unfair on her to bring kittens into the family.

YABU. Just because your cat is old and the new kittens seem more exciting than a 15 year old cat doesn't mean she should be cast aside. You need to give her your consideration and think about how it would impact her.

I don’t think it’s fair on your older cat, sorry.

It would be really unfair on your elderly cat to introduce two new kittens at a time when she should be having a relaxed old age. It’s also crazy to add to your financial burden by getting two new pets. It’s two extra lots of feed, vet costs and insurance (if you have them insured). I wouldn’t do it if I were you and I wouldn’t want to put my husband under emotional or financial pressure to get them either. Just enjoy the cat you have.

It’s the insurance and vet bills, I don’t blame him at all. We had 2 dogs one suddenly went downhill at 7 so not old. We spent £7k in a week, was a super vet job and very traumatic. We both want another dog and live a comfortable life including a child at private school but appreciate how much they do/can cost so have decided with mortgage, bills and school fees going up we are sticking with the one dog we have for the foreseeable future.

Your older cat should be your priority here. You already know she doesn't even like neighbours cats. Sounds like she'd hate 2 kittens in her territory. If she has access to the outdoors she might run away and try to find a new home or if she's an indoor cat she won't be able to escape them. You are being unfair. Wait until your older cat passes away. Your DH is worried about costs. Insurance for 2 new kittens would be expensive, then their food and vaccinations on top. If you don't insure your cat then what will you do as your older cat might decline in health as she ages. After 15 years of giving you love and companionship I'd hope you'd care for her. You need to put your older cat first. In 3 or 4 years she might pass away then would be the right time for new kittens. I'd always put my loving 2 cats welfare and best interest above some random kittens no matter how fluffy and sweet. How horrible for your poor cat to end her life miserable in her own home and terrorised by baby kittens.

Your older cat and your DH saying no are the reasons you don’t get the cat.

I think you need to have a proper talk with your DH about things you as a family can change about your lifestyle to give him the chance to step back and find a new career. If he doesn’t want ti have that conversation maybe it’s a clue he’s not serious about it and is using it as an excuse

I appreciate and take on board all the comments - I would say I don’t class my cat as an ‘elderly’ cat. She still brings in lots of birds and mice and the vet is always impressed every year with how good her health is 🤣

Question though… does no one get another pet when they already have one? Because you can never really know how a current pet will react to a new one?

I ask this because when I was a kid we had two cats and then we got a dog. The cats hated the dog at first but got used to him. My sister also got a dog about 18 months ago and her cat hates the dog (she’s still hoping the situation will improve in time).

Getting a dog when you already a cat is unfair on the cat, but getting kittens is a different matter altogether.

You already say she doesn’t like other cats - of course people with pets get new ones. The good owners think carefully about their existing pets and their family.

Of course people with pets get other pets but they generally use their current pet and how they react to other animals as a measure of what is sensible. Your cat already hates all the other cats it meets so why would you think 2 kittens invading it's space would be a fair thing to do to her.

It really depends on the pet.

I would love a dog, I have money saved for the breed I want, done all the research I can and I am 100% ready for one.

My oldest has a cat who would not tolerate having a dog around she barely tolerates us my son and his cat will move out in the next couple of years probably, but until then the dog is on hold, this is the cats home and she comes first.

It would be really unfair to make that commitment to a new pet and have one or both pets unhappy for weeks or months or years.

I think that’s really unfair on your elderly cat who has presumably been an only cat up
to now? And you yourself say that they don’t like other cats!
15 is past cat retirement age, they’re not going to want two annoying babies around! Why do you want 2 kittens now?

We have a cat. We got her first. When we got the first dog, she was so outraged she actually moved out. Became an outdoor cat permanently. We had to set her bed, food and water in a shed outside because she would not come in. When we added the second dog, well nothing changed really.

However, when we moved house, and she couldn’t go outside, she started to realise being indoors isn’t the worst thing. She has free roam of all upstairs and there’s a gate across the stairs stopping the dogs from getting to her.

She tolerates them now. Won’t actively go near them but tolerates them. But she’s a cat and she can get away from the dogs. An older cat can’t get away from two kittens.

What I’m trying to say is, whilst it’s possible your older cat will adapt to two kittens, there’s also the chance it won’t. Are you prepared to either lose your older cat, or return the kittens if things don’t go well?

And a cat can get away from a dog in a way that they can’t get away from other cats

I think at 15 its really unfair on her to get 2 kittens

I am with your DH on this one.

I got kittens when my elderly cat was 18. Not to sound heartless but I was thinking she wouldnt stick around forever and the kittens were rescues, of a family member. We were careful to protect her specific space and not let the babies near her when. She was eating. She could go out and they couldn't. Eventually they could go out via the cat flap when she was too old and tired and just wanted to stay home.

My elderly dcat died within the first eight months of the kittens arriving . At first I thought that I may have inadvertently hastened her end, but looking back I really don't think so. She was old, deaf, had thyroid problems and had recurrent infections. She wasn't going to last forever.

Having my boys helped me immeasurably in getting over her death. They are very committed to me (see picture, taken just now!) and I would not be without them.

Whether you can afford more cats is a different issue.

When DCat passed away I got a kitten as soon as I could - within days. It helped enormously and she sleeps on my bed.

Great photo @Wazzzzzuuuuuuup !

Our previous cat was very much a single cat so I wouldn't have introduced another key alone two to outnumber, I remember as a child we had an older male cat and got two new kittens. We hardly sat him after that. He would come back to eat, and then straight back out of the cat flap. He avoided them at all costs and definitely changed towards us, having previously been affectionate to humans, just not a fan of neighbouring cats.
I wouldn't on that basis alone.
It's also not cheap to adopt, feed, vaccinate and insure cats properly these days, so if your DH is the main earner in a job he isn't happy in, I wouldn't be making additional financial commitments

Of course some people get another pet when they’ve already got one. That depends entirely on the circumstances though. In your circumstances, even if your cat liked other cats this would be cruel. And you KNOW your cat does not like other cats. Your cat would be unhappy and have to live the last bit of its life in misery, and your oh has said he doesn’t want one. What makes you think this is a good idea? The one person on this thread who has done this has said she’s had to spend the last bit of her old cats life trying to keep them separated, and doesn’t sound entirely convinced that the new kittens didn’t contribute to its death shortly afterwards. And you’ll also be paying all kinds of vet bills for the new kittens and possibly vet bills for your old cat as it starts to decline. It’s unfair on everyone and everything involved.