AIBU wanting these kittens?

[Melomelop]

My family (DH, DD age 9, DS age 6 and myself) have a cat who is 15 years old. I really want to get two kittens from a local rescue. My DH is really against getting them for two reasons: 1) our current cat may not get on with new kittens (she doesn’t like any of the neighbours cats) and 2) he is worried about the cost. On the second point, he worries ALL the time about mortgage rates, cost of fuel, cost of utilities etc - we both work and have a very good joint income between us. He is however the main income as I went part time when having the kids (his job has no flexibility so I have to do all the childcare, school runs, cooking etc). He doesn’t enjoy his job and is always talking about doing something else within the company but I think he begrudges the fact that he needs to keep earning the money he is on if we want to continue with our current lifestyle. He said if we get the kittens, it’s an added cost that, although we can currently afford, we may find it difficult in 18 months when we remortgage if the rates keep going up. We have savings as well and I think it’s ridiculous to not do things now in case something happens in 18 months! I’m not saying we should be reckless, but it’s two kittens, not like buying a stupidly expensive car! He’s making me feel like I’m being really unreasonable to want them :(

YABU

I agree with all of your husbands points, there are no pros about getting the kittens except that you want them.
It should be that everyone agrees in the house before actively getting a new pet or two.

All adults in the house have to be on board when getting pets. Also I agree it’s unfair on your older cat.

Yabu your first responsibility it to your elderly cat who deserves to live out her days in peace.

Sounds like you're accustomed to getting your own way tbh. Going on your posts you sound entitled.

Your husband doesn't want kittens, he shouldn't have to give a reason. Who doesn't gets the say.

Maybe get a second job that fits around his hours if it's costs reasons. Plenty of evening jobs.

This pretty much. She’s got a shit excuse for every reason why she shouldn’t do it. The cats very elderly- ‘well the vets made up with him and he goes outside so that doesn’t count’. There’ll be vets bills- ‘not arsed coz my husband’s got a good job and he can afford it’. The cat doesn’t like other cats- ‘well other people do it don’t they, so why shouldn’t I’? Her husband doesn’t want one- ‘don’t really give af, he doesn’t want another but I do so I’m getting two more’ 🙄

Pmsl I’ve only just read the bit at the bottom where she’s comparing buying two living animals that could become very expensive, need a huge amount time and emotional investment, and potentially make her husband and current pets life a misery to buying an expensive car. And actually thinking that buying an expensive car is the stupider option 😂

OP, I don't know why you came on this thread to ask for opinions, because even though I think every poster has said it's a bad idea at the moment but reconsider once your old cat passes away you seem determined to go ahead anyway. I feel sorry for your poor cat and poor DH too if this is your attitude.

Your oh who is the breadwinner is worried sick about bills and is scared he’s not going to be able to afford the mortgage within the next 18 months, and your response to him saying please don’t get the kittens is that you think it’s ridiculous to think 18 months ahead!!?? He’s trying to keep a roof over you and your children’s heads for fucks sake. Get a proper job and help him! And your comment about its ONLY two kittens (on top of the cat you’ve already got) is moronic. People like you should require an IQ test before being allowed to own an animal

It would be cruel to introduce kittens to your antisocial elderly cat.

YOU might not think a 15 year old cat is elderly but I assure you vets, insurance companies and rescues all do.

In fact, your cat has moved from Senior to Getiatric according to the Battersea.

https://www.battersea.org.uk/pet-advice/cat-advice/caring-older-cat#:~:text=Thanks%20to%20developments%20in%20veterinary,geriatric'%20from%2015%20years%20upwards.

Let your older cat live out her days in peace, then revisit the idea of younger rescue cats. You know your cat doesn’t like other cats. Let her be enough for you for now.

YABU.

Question though… does no one get another pet when they already have one? Because you can never really know how a current pet will react to a new one?

Yes some people do get another pet when they already have one but most of those people think very carefully about whether it is appropriate or not. An elderly cat who doesn't like other cats? No, for goodness sake, even the tiniest bit of common sense would tell you that was a bad idea. It's absolutely not fair to that cat who should be allowed to live out her later years in peace.
An elderly cat who has lost a friend and is pining? Yes, as long as you think carefully about the type of cat you get and doesn't necessarily have to be kittens.

You are being very unfair to the cat, but it sounds like you're going to get the kittens anyway.

The financial issue is separate. If DH has concerns then you need to think about it more carefully. Come up with a proper budget of how much the kittens are going to cost per month and see whether you can afford it. Can you afford all the extra food? Can you afford their vaccinations which aren't cheap? Everything has to be done twice so you have double the vet bills straightaway for the basics (unless you're just not going to bother getting them dewormed, immunized and so on). If the kittens aren't castrated when you get them you'll be paying for two castrations - again not cheap. You could be looking at around 1000 quid just for the basic vet treatments they need in the first year and that's excluding any accidents or other illnesses.
You then have to think about whether you want vet insurance or not - again, two kittens, double the cost. Or you don't get vet insurance and have to pay every time they need treatment. Vet bills cost a lot and you can't just not bother treating your cats if they need it.
I don't think you have thought about this properly at all.

I think you dh is being sensible. Not only could 2 kittens cost a lot in vets bills and all the costs rising could mean you can’t afford them the very real reality is that your elderly cat is likely to also need vet care as they get older and will therefore also cost significantly more as well

I genuinely appreciate all the comments and have read every one of them. I am not getting the kittens - I would never get them without DH agreement and I really do love my cat and don’t want to make her life a misery.

I think it’s unfair to say I need an IQ test - I was caught up in the idea of getting more cats, I love animals and would love more animals but I’m also very sensible and that’s why I only have a cat!

I understand that animals are expensive (again, a reason why we haven’t had any other animals!) but we are in a good financial position. My husband is keen to do things like big trips to Disney World and Orlando in two years (40th birthdays coming up) so I think his argument about cost is more because he wants to save up for big holidays.

To those that commented on me working more hours or getting a second job - I’m a secondary school teacher, working four days a week (and I spend the fifth day mainly planning lessons and marking). I have full responsibility for the kids and the house due to DH hours, so I do drop off and pick up from school, ferrying kids to and from clubs and all housework and cooking (I’m also often working once the kids are in bed, planning and marking). I don’t know when you think I’d have time to do another job!

Anyway, as I said at the top, we’re not getting the kittens. I do listen to my DH and we have made the (joint) decision to not go ahead. Thank you to those that (kindly) pointed out how unfair it would be on my older cat, she is currently enjoying cuddles on my lap 😊

You really don’t give a shit about your husband at all, do you? So he’s working full time in a job he absolutely hates, is always talking about wanting to change jobs, but doesn’t as he’s trying to keep you in the lifestyle that you’re accustomed to. You repay him by calling him ridiculous for not wanting to add an extra massive burden on top of everything else he has to do and pay for. He’s said he doesn’t want any more cats. You’ve literally already got a cat. Wait until that poor thing passes away first before going out and buying two more. I’m concerned for his mental health having to work in a job that’s destroying his soul, whilst his wife lives the life of Riley making stupid decisions that affects everyone else’s lives because she just wants the two baby kittens she’s seen on the internet

You obviously haven’t read my latest post - I’m not getting the kittens first of all. Secondly, why does everyone seem to think I have it easy because I work part time? I work part time because DH does nothing to help with the kids due to his job. If he had a job with flexibility and could do some drop offs/pick ups/cooking etc, I’d work full time (which I practically do as I work four days and still do planning/marking on my ‘day off’). I wish he would leave his job and do something else, that he enjoys, but he doesn’t and I can’t force him to! He wants to go on expensive holidays, not me - please don’t attack me when I just caught swept up in the idea of having more animals (which I love!). Have you never been swept up in the idea of something?! I’ve had a reality check now, no need to insult me.

Not at all, I’m not ‘determined to go ahead anyway’, I was genuinely asking for peoples opinions. I’ve taken them on board, discussed it with DH and we’re not getting them. You don’t need to feel sorry for my cat, she is quite happily curled up on my lap having snuggles (having brought in a bird earlier and looking very happy with herself). She will continue to be the sole family cat and doted on by everyone (until she attacks someone’s hand and they get annoyed with her 🤣)

I do think it’s ridiculous to get too worried about what will happen to mortgage rates in 18 months as no one knows what will happen in 18 months! We have savings, which we keep building, and would obviously like to be able to afford any mortgage rate but if they suddenly went up to 25% I’m sure we would be struggling (as I’m sure everyone would!). Are we supposed to never go on holiday, never eat out, never redecorate a room, just in case we need that money in 18 months because the mortgage rates have gone up? There’s a balance to be had and I just think that my DH worries TOO MUCH about these things.

Yes he earns more than me (I’m a teacher, we don’t get paid enough, he’s private sector, gets bonuses 🤷‍♀️) but, as we agreed when we had kids, I would go part time (four days) so that I could do all the childcare. Is teaching not a proper job?

I'd be quite happy to take an IQ test by the way, and the quote ‘it’s only two kittens’ was probably a very silly remark to make, but I would disagree with moronic. I was swept up in the fantasy of more animals to love 🤷‍♀️

RTFT people.
OP asked for advice, listened to the advice, and updated the thread accordingly.

All is well. No need to pick apart her life or career.

I’m not ‘accustomed to getting things my own way’ - my DH and I agree things together (if I had my way, we’d have decorated the house by now, two years after buying it and nothings been done 🤣). I don’t see the things I said as excuses, just replies to some of the things that were said. I had already told my DH that I would pay for the kittens insurance and cover vet bills (as I currently do with our other cat).

It was a genuine question about why other people do it if everyone was adamant that I shouldn’t - I guess the answer from this thread is they shouldn’t have done it but they have now so nothing can be done about it 🤷‍♀️ my sisters have both got either more cats or introduced a dog since getting cats. The consensus here is that they shouldn’t have done that. Ultimately they have now so what’s done is done.

I chose, what could arguably be, the sensible option of asking for opinions first to help me make the decision - we have chosen not to get the kittens, so I guess the ‘don’t really give af’ comment at the end of your post is nonsense.

Thank you! I genuinely was looking for advice as I was quite upset when my DH said no and at the time, I couldn’t really understand why. I was emotionally clouded as I love animals and have always wanted more (plus PMS earlier this week 😩). I’ve felt quite attacked reading the responses today - I’m not some terrible person that wants to torture my cat or let my DH be miserable. I work bloody hard, both as a teacher and as a parent and it’s been really difficult reading some of these responses.

Thank you for those that took the time to write something that made me think about it from my DHs point of view but didn’t attack me.

It was a genuine question about why other people do it if everyone was adamant that I shouldn’t - I guess the answer from this thread is they shouldn’t have done it but they have now so nothing can be done about it

It’s about the circumstances in which you get additional pets, @Melomelop

When the cats were young we were asked to rehome a rescue kitten. The cats we had were sociable and used to living in a multi-animal home. Aside from so teething troubles (which we expected) they all got along fine.

Now the oldest cat is much more curmudgeonly and needs his space and more quiet, I would not take on a kitten because it would distress him.

It’s not “never get additional pets” it’s about assessing how that would impact your whole household.

I do empathise with the urge to ignore everything and shout KITTIES!!!! though.

my sisters have both got either more cats or introduced a dog since getting cats.

I knew a few people who have done this.

The existing cat(s) are clearly not elderly when the new dog/cat(s) are introduced. The existing cat(s) are reasonably sociable and there is enough space in the house so the cats can all have their own rooms/get away from the dog.