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Original poster

Puppy regret

69 replies

emzypo79 · 12/12/2022 19:10

Hi please be kind because im very emotional at present..my husband and children have always wanted a dog, me not so much but have agreed on this occasion, im now thinking ive made the biggest mistake of my life. She has been with us for just over a week, shes a 10 weeks old cavapoochon and all i've done is cry uncrontrollably since bringing her home..i dont know what to do.

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 12/12/2022 19:52

emzypo79 · 12/12/2022 19:46

Ive tried,in one ear n out the other.x

I’m taking that to mean that the husband and kids who have ‘always wanted a dog’ are happy leaving all the shit work of the dog to the person who didn’t want one?

In that case you’re not really upset about the dog specifically, but more about the fact that you’ve ended up doing all the work for a dog that you didn’t want while everyone else just enjoys the nice bits.

Original poster
emzypo79 · 12/12/2022 19:56

@Kanaloa ive tried telling them how im feeling, im worried it will make my mental health worse.

OP posts:
HolidayHappy123 · 12/12/2022 19:59

emzypo79 · 12/12/2022 19:46

Ive tried,in one ear n out the other.x

Either they step up or the puppy goes.

I reluctantly agreed and felt just like you did. Fortunately DH and the DC do the majority of the work and he’s grown on me over time. If it had been left to me after they promised to take on the work I would have taken him back to the breeder.

Original poster
emzypo79 · 12/12/2022 19:59

@USaYwHatNow how old was the puppy when they returned to the breeder..im worried my mood will develop into full blown depression too.x

OP posts:
Mama3737 · 12/12/2022 20:01

It really does settle down. It's like bringing your newborn home from hospital, chaotic for a while and so different to how it was before, but both the puppy and you will settle down and the puppy stage does pass, they do calm down and slot into family life. And it becomes wonderful having them there. I felt the same as you, wondered what I'd done.. but do try and relax and take it day by day, it will get better!

pinneddownbytabbies · 12/12/2022 20:02

If they are the ones who wanted the dog, and now you seem to have become entirely responsible for looking after it, that's rotten. They are being completely unfair on you.

Your DH needs to be told in no uncertain terms (not within earshot of the dc though) that the dog is his responsibility, not yours. He either starts to take responsibility for it, or you will go on strike and stop taking care of him and the dc, and concentrate entirely on the dog. And you need to be prepared to carry out that threat, because he won't believe you at first.

RandomUsernameHere · 12/12/2022 20:07

Is your husband taking on much of the responsibility for the puppy? He should be, seeing as he was the one who wanted it

dolor · 12/12/2022 20:09

Tell your husband to step up. That poor puppy needs guidance and love. If he won't and you can't cope with raising the puppy then you'll have to re-home.

He's a bloody idiot for doing this.

CanofCant · 12/12/2022 20:13

It's really unfair that they've left all the pet care to you. Your husband was the adult that wanted the dog, he should be taking on the bulk of the care and guiding your children to do it too.

Do you have anyone that can help you speak up for yourself while you are feeling so low? Maybe you will have to arrange to have the dog rehomed, it sounds as though you have tried your best talking to your husband and he has disregarded your feelings.

BeanieTeen · 12/12/2022 20:14

If you didn’t want the dog and it’s looking like you’re going to be doing the lion’s share of looking after the dog then, yes, rehome now while the puppy isn’t settled in. ‘I have a puppy class booked’ says a lot surely?’ What is your partner doing?

Tadpoll · 12/12/2022 20:14

AlwaysLatte · 12/12/2022 19:40

Dogs are a pain in the arse. More work than children! Rehome.
Nasty reply, @RambamThankyouMam

I don’t actually think it’s nasty.

OP is seriously unhappy. Dogs ARE a massive pain, especially if you didn’t really want one.

And for some, rehoming responsibly is the best option. A good breeder will always take a puppy back if things aren’t working out.

OP, could you set yourself a deadline and see if you’re happier?

Passtheturkey · 12/12/2022 20:15

If your DH won’t step up and help I’d give serious consideration to giving the pup back to the breeder while they are still young enough to be rehomed and while puppies get much easier they will always be a commitment and a tie even as adult dogs.

1Sky · 12/12/2022 20:21

There should be a warning with dogs that it makes some people who have pre existing mental health conditions feel a lot worse. Particularly those with depression and anxiety.

It takes a while to go away but the key thing is to make someone else responsible for the dog and not you.

BeanieTeen · 12/12/2022 20:40

Dogs are a pain in the arse. More work than children!

I would say this is definitely true with a puppy! But not older dogs.
I love dogs, we’ve had many but all adult rescues. As much as I adore dogs, and like to think I’m very good with dogs - we’ve had some very tricky rescues - I would hate to deal with a puppy.

ImJustNotMeAnymore · 12/12/2022 20:48

If you are the main carer for the puppy it should have been your choice whether the family had a puppy. This is why when we sell to families we ask every adult individually who is going to be looking after the pup and then gauge reactions. We've turned people away because they just expect mum or the nanny to deal with the pup. If you bought from a reputable breeder they would take your pup back. Your mental health is worth more than keeping this puppy.

YukoandHiro · 12/12/2022 21:05

Are you crying because you've been dumped with all the responsibility?
Tasks and chores to do with the dog are equally shared between you all or it goes for rehoming. Mean it

userxx · 12/12/2022 21:11

You need to tell your husband to step up. I can't believe you were overruled on this, having a dog is a massive commitment.

moaninggiraffe · 12/12/2022 21:27

It gets better, honestly it does. She's still a baby really and everything is new and exciting or scary. Our puppy nearly ended our relationship Confused, we didn't have kids at the time so our sole focus was on this peeing and pooing machine that chewed everything and wrecked the house on a daily basis Confused. He wouldn't sleep anywhere but in our room even though we tried to crate train. He's now a 10 year old lazy boy, that just loves to sleep and cuddle. He's our furry baby and he loves us as much as we love him. It will get better, puppies are so much harder than babies. Our kids were a doddle compared to the dog Grin

Kanaloa · 12/12/2022 22:37

But, it doesn’t get better does it? I mean having a puppy gets better, but having a dog you didn’t and don’t want with a man who doesn’t do his share and refuses to listen to your feelings doesn’t really get better.

USaYwHatNow · 13/12/2022 04:27

@eemzypo79 I believe he was the last pup to leave the litter at approximately 10 weeks old, then within 2 weeks he was back with the breeder. Honestly, we tried everything to keep the dog with them. Doggy day care, brothers parter going home at lunchtime (would often find my brother in tears), puppy staying with me or my parents for a few days, my parents looking after him at their house. It actually caused my brother to take time off work and move in with my parents for a few nights and to need anti anxiety and anti depressant medication. He then admitted he didn't want to go home because the dog was there. It was heartbreaking but it was just not going to work, and we kind of came to the realisation that we were all pretty much ignoring my brothers wishes to have the dog taken back to the breeder, and trying to force a solution.

Puppy went back to the breeder, lots of tears from everyone but then within about 2 weeks emotions settled and he was a completely different man! My brother and his partner had some separate and couple counselling and, as far as I'm aware, are still pretty strong.

Tadpoll · 13/12/2022 11:45

This thread drives home to me even more the problem of people always wanting a puppy.

There are thousands of rescue dogs needing homes. In this case a slightly older rescue dog would have been a brilliant compromise.

Adopt don’t shop.

SarahSissions · 14/12/2022 17:10

As others have said puppy blues are a real thing.

i also guess that because of vaccination timing pup isn’t really going outside yet- it does make things so so much harder. (It’s also the most miserable time of year for any dog walker, and poor pup will be getting cold which will make things like toilet training harder as they’ll get cold so quick)

if you can afford it look to get a pup sitter to come in occasionally to give you a break. Maybe also look into a small home daycare set up for when they are a bit older to give you some space

training classes and the people you meet there will be a big help. can the trainer you are going to at least give you a video consult this side of Christmas to help you with a framework and some ground rules?

BUT, if you really really are desperately unhappy speak to your breeder and see if they have other homes on their waitlist. It is much easier for them to rehome a pup at this age- and will be easier on the pup too. If you’re going to give up on it, better sooner than later for the wee thing.

MXVIT · 04/01/2023 22:57

How are you getting on with this OP?

I promise you what youre feeling is so natural, puppy blues are so painfully real

In fact it blows my mind that the international conscience touts puppies and having one as a source of undiluted happiness - i think that's a lot of the problem, you get a puppy expecting unadulterated constant joy when in fact its anything but

I cried for a week solidly when i brought my boy home, he was so unbelievably tiny that when i put him on the floor he looked like hed get swallowed up.

I cried because i was so overwhelmed with the responsibility, because my daiky routine was out of the window, because of the guilt of taking this tiny baby away from his mum and siblings (i blame a friend who had a go at me for getting a puppy and not a rescue for this)

I didn't eat much at all or shower for a week because all i did was hold this teeny tiny puppy that i was scared to let out my sight and cry

Ill tell you now OP, the only thing tgat helped was support. Your family need to step up. Then i promise it wilk ger easier

My boy is 8 months now and is the light of my life - hes still no saint but i dont remember life before him

Original poster
emzypo79 · 05/01/2023 09:42

Thankyou MXVIT...I do still struggle from day to day, i dont know what to do with it, that feeling of regret if i should be constantly playing with her to stop her from biting but then ive got to work too...im just finding it hard to be honest.

OP posts:
MXVIT · 06/01/2023 09:48

The wfh thing is tough, that was one of my main sources of "oh god what have I done" because i felt the guilt of thinking I should be constantly entertaining the little guy - but actually the opposite is true, they need to learn to occupy themselves, mine is asleep at the moment but is waking up to let out the occasional whine and puppy dog eyes as I'm not giving him all my attention haha - still feel guilty but he'll live until lunch when I'm free :)

Give yourself a break, your pup is loved, fed and cared for (if you didn't love them or care you wouldn't be giving yourself such a hard time) - thats what they need most atm and you're doing it :)

You do need to be firm with your family though, raising a dog requires everyone in the household to make an effort.

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