Heartbroken - help me please 😞😞

[KEvLA]

So I've had a cat from 8 weeks. She's 8 now.
This cat is the most loving cat I've ever had, on my lap, on (and in!) my bed. snuggles with me on the sofa with me and my babies/children.

I had to keep her outside due to fleas ( she still came in) and did all the above 🙈 less than ideal, I know.

Now, she won't come in, won't come near me, doesn't sleep on my bed and snuggle with me.
Doesn't bother with me in general. It's like I'm a stranger she doesn't like but tolerates.

I'm heartbroken 😞 devastated.

What can I do to win her back? I know cats are very hit and miss creatures but this cat was the most neediest cat - and I loved it.

Mine use Nexguard and we never have fleas. I also use Indorex in the house every month.

So she was locked out all summer or allowed in?

Allowed in. As I said was jumping in our cars when trying to clean them. She was in a few weeks ago, sleeping on my head. She literally couldn't get any closer. My question is - why only the last few weeks does she not so much as purr when I stroke her?

She even came on while I was napping so she could snuggle under the duvet! She's always done that

If you shut her out of your house all summer, which is what you appear to be saying, it's no wonder she doesn't consider your house as her home. Or you as her protector.

Cats are not goldfish; they have long memories. They direct their affection to those they trust.

My cat took several months to ‘forgive’ me for his first dental at the vets ( he is a rescue cat) and a follow up visit.

He went from being affectionate and wanting to play the whole time, to ignoring me. Eventually he slowly came round to trusting me again and our relationship went back to normal. It took maybe 6 months before he was back to normal though.

He still doesn’t like the vet, but doesn’t take it out on me anymore!

Seems she's generally lost the trust in you/doesn't feel like the house is the safest place to be. Last summer my cat did something similar (although never pinpointed the cause) and he lived outside for well over a week. I literally had to earn his trust back. He wouldn't come in the house at all and at first would go and sleep in a garden two doors down. I'd call him back to the garden morning and night and started feeding him in the garden. Eventually he would be in our garden more and more often, to the point he was always in our garden. I would go and sit on the lawn and take a toy out and play with him until on the lawn so he associated his garden and me with fun and trust. Started feeding him closer and closer to the back door and eventually he came back in. It was hard to earn his trust back and took patience and dedication of going outside a lot with him etc. but eventually it worked.

I don’t quite understand the timeline still - the cats got fleas in the summer and were shut out ALL the time? Or just most of the time?

Now they’re allowed in via their cat flap, and she still sleeps with you on your bed. But you’re worried she doesn’t like you any longer?

Plus - you had ANOTHER baby (only in caps as this is the cat’s point of view!) and that coincided with the fleas and being shut out. And the neighbour is feeding her?

I mean - you can’t blame her, eh?

Have a word with the neighbour and say she’s not outdoors all the time now, so please would they not let her in their house.
Then ignore her a bit! But when she does come in, shower her with the really good treats.

By the way, the best thing if you get fleas in the house is to - of course - treat the house with Indorex etc but also to let your flea-treated cat back inside. If your cat has the good stuff from the vet (Bravecto or similar) then the fleas in the house will bite the cat and die off, stopping the lifecycle. If you shut the cat out you’re prolonging it, honestly. Treat the house, treat the cat, let any remaining fleas bite the cat so they die. It’s not that your cat was bringing in fleas once she’d been treated - she was flea-free! It was the remaining fleas inside that needed her walking about with poisonous blood to kill them off.

She obviously doesn't trust you and who can blame her. You clearly aren't looking after her properly and you don't seem to understand that. People like you make my blood boil.

Yes just the summer She loved it as loved the sunshine. Allowed back in when flea free.

Really useful for future reference on the Flea info. I'll be able to use that and not have to worry about not breaking the cycle.

I've ignored her today (hoping she would come in, but she appeared at dinner time, shook the biscuits and she ignored me and trotted off (said woman who's been feeding her - house). She came to me, every few yards or so. She then ran just before we got to the door. When I tapped the top of the wall she immediately jumped up and rubbed herself on the wall and my hands while I was stroking her whole meowing.

I've asked the neighbour, not to entice and feed her so I think she's taken that on board.

I've bought some wet food and dreamies to treat her for coming in - left the spare room door open so she's got a nice chilled area. When I get her to come round again, we'll reintroduce her to the kids.

I totally agree with the new baby, but we (me baby and cat, together napping and we all loved it! ☺️

Thanks for your post - really useful and makes me feel like I'm actually doing something right.

Can you please explain why you don't think I'm not sufficiantly caring for my cat?

I didn't emigrate, I fed her, kept her close to us, kept a cat flap open. Took her to the vets when needed.
If I didn't care about my pet, I definitely wouldn't take the time to put this post up.

People like you make me lol. Troll

Your OP posits that you refused the cat entry to your house while she had fleas over the summer. That is not looking after her. That is cruel.

Also, 95% of fleas live in soft furnishings, carpets, bedding, and textiles not on the cat so keeping her outside was pointless anyway. the cat did not have fleas. The house that you locked her out of did and probably still does if you have not treated it with proper sprays/powders.

Me me me me me me

Cat, cat, cat

How is it cruel that I still accommodated her needs?

There are cats that don't want to come into the house - are the neglected too? 🙄

You booted your house cat outside to live for months - you destabilised her and made her feel insecure. She's impacted by that. Nobody can tell you if she will attach to you again. Hopefully you'll learn that banning cats from the house for more than a few hours is stupid and cruel.

Booted is a bit of a misleading word. She was put outside for 6 weeks, with access to the catflap.

She obviously still feels secure as she's still coming in.

this is bizarre! No need to keep her outside at all! See the vet, get a “bravecto” spot on - it lasts for 3 months. And spray the house with “indorex” spray. Done!!! All in one day!!! Then keep up with the bravecto - one every 3 months and there’s no more fleas!! It’s even got a money back guarantee!

I think the main problem is that your neighbor was feeding her. If that stops and her only source of easy food is from you, then she should come back.

How was she outside if she had 'access to the cat flap'? My cat has access to the cat flap and he's inside when he wants to be. How did you keep her outside if she was able to come in whenever she wanted? It doesn't make sense

It was summer - cats love sunshine, sitting outside with us and she'd be in on the odd day when it was extremely hot days.

Outside for the whole of the Summer 🙄

I think this is definitely a problem - I've asked her to stop. Shes saying she will but she's also told us on rainy days she lets her in as she can't bare her being out in the rain! She has a catflap - we've told her this and when its awful weather like rain or cold, she can/comes in as do out other two cats!
One is my childhood cat who only likes me, fed by me and doesn't like human being in general. We basically call and call her til she's inside during bad weather. The other is my husband's cat who is very attached to us in all ways, but like my cat - out during summer (catflap access).. he's come back with absolutely no issues like my Ginger cat.

This is what I don't understand.
My cat will actually come into the house.
She will sleep on my bed.
She was snuggled into the corner of a landing last night. I picked her up and she was purring and snuggled into me - like she used to. She's not as willingly affectionate (needy) or excited to see us at all. She doesn't willingly come when shes called where she used to come bounding up to us and come in to the house.
She used to jump on the sofa with us - kids or no kids - especially in the evening.
Its Baltic outside right now, cats hate the cold, she's usually in the office with my when I'm ge working walking all over my laptop and snuggly on my lap.

Catflap access 👍🏻