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Original poster

I'm feeling so disappointed with our newly adopted cat

50 replies

Sparkler · 22/01/2008 22:09

Bit of a change from my original thread title

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2340/460327?stamp=080120211705

We are on day 2 of our new found "friend" living with us. She has been settling quite well but there are been a few incidents of her hissing and biting. She bit DH the other day as he got a bit carried away with the fussing. She was loving him rubbing her head and her back, when he tried to rub her tummy she lashed out. I accidently stepped on her tail yesterday - so fair play she had every right to hiss at me .
The thing that's led me to start this thread is the fact that DD1 (8) was brushing her earlier and she was fine and enjoying all the fuss but she suddenly turned and bit DD on her hand. DD was very upset and said that she didn't want the cat anymore and wanted us to take her back.

We are now stuck in a situation and need to make some serious decisions. Do we stay calm and see how things go - it is early days after all or do we draw the line now and say enough is enough and take her back to the Cat Protection.

I'm feeling so right now. I would feel terrible if we sent her back to that place in case she never finds a good home and I feel that we were letting the Cat Protection down too.

OP posts:
WendyWeber · 22/01/2008 22:14

Many (most?) cats claw at a hand on their tummy, I think it's a reflex. And the tail-stepping reaction is understandable as you said.

The DD1 brushing thing may have become just too much for her.

Yes, give it a few days - and maybe back off from physical attention for that time too. Let her settle in and feel more confident with you all.

Good luck

Candlewax · 22/01/2008 22:14

Oh Sparkler, give the cat some time. Cats are notoriously independent and when they have had enough, they have had enough. They can and will be loyal creatures and make a great fuss of you. They are naturally wary of children, because children can be a little bit more heavey handed than adults. Bear with her.

chocolatespiders · 22/01/2008 22:15

i would see how it goes

but imo.. dont think you could keep the cat if this continued, as no one would dare touch her..

when my dd-10 was born we had 2 cats, one was so perfect with dd and one was so agressive, and he had to go in the end...

i really hope it gets better for you all

ingles2 · 22/01/2008 22:16

Shame Sparkler..I completely understand your fears and disappointment. However...adopted animals do come with issues and history. We don't know what these are so it is a gamble. you have to remember all this attention is probably a bit much for your cat, and not just rehomed cats, my cat can be loving the cuddles and then turn, that is the nature of the beast I think the fact your cat is letting you get close, and receive attention from your dd is a good sign. it's going to need a chance to settle in, and trust you. Hang on in there, I think things will work out ok.

brimfull · 22/01/2008 22:18

Yes agree bear with her

I would call the cat protection league in a few days if she carries on like this and seek their advice.

ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 22/01/2008 22:19

My cat did this when I first got her, she was very cautious which made me wonder if she had been hit/mistreated in the past.

I had to be patient and let her come to me for a fuss/cuddle which in the beginning was time limited and totally on her terms. Looking back her scratchiness was a proective thing.

Now- different cat! She is warm, gentle and cuddly, a completely soppy affectionate little thing.

ConnorTraceptive · 22/01/2008 22:19

We have a rescue cat who is very affectionate and loves attention BUT there are a couple of spots that if you touch she she snaps at you. She's gorgeous but definately a bit "street"

I don't think you have to send her back but you need to get to know her and know where her no touch spots are and teach your children how to handle her.

We have a two year old DS and he loves to pet our cat and we have taught him how to do so without getting scratch, I have no qualms about him being around her.

Our cats 'hot spots' are tummy and hind quarters.

leifmum · 22/01/2008 22:21

hey sparkler - i had my cat from being a kitten and she was a beautiful loving cat 99% of the time, adored curling up on my lap etc. BUT there were times when i'd be stroking her and she was purring happily then suddenly freak out and clamp her mouth and all four paws around my hand and really flip. it always shook me up because of the sudden change in behaviour and it bloody hurt! all i can say is i learnt the cues of her getting to that point, the look in her eyes etc. and as she got older it did reduce in frequency.

sorry this won't have helped but maybe as you all get to know each other things will settle down. good luck.

ConnorTraceptive · 22/01/2008 22:22

The only time DS did get scratched was when he tried to 'fix' her head with his toy drill. I think she was within her rights to protest on that occassion

BeeEm · 22/01/2008 22:23

catty - thats what she is!
ours does this - it's a bit of a joke - she'll climb aboard and have a lovely fuss then turn and swipe. can usually see her starting to get tetchy.
give her time - you may well start to pick up on when she's had enough

booradley · 22/01/2008 22:24

I have a lovely cat who when she's had enough fuss she turns and scratches you.
Its just the way she is - some cats are lke this and perhaps you need to think are you ready for a cat like that?
That said, most animals take time to build up trust - the CPL should be able to give you background info on the cat - if they can't, assume its one of those cats and decide before everyone gets too settled.

Hope this helps, an excellent book about introducing cats to a new enviroment is The Cat Detective. I learnt loads and I had 5 cats at the time!

hope this helps, x

snowleopard · 22/01/2008 22:24

We have a rescue cat like this. It has taken a long time but she slowly gets more affectionate and loving. The question is, is the bite damaging? If se's just nipping, it's a warning and just a sign of her being on the defensive (my cat is like this - she bites but it never really hurts, just makes you jump). But if it's a full-strength bite drawing blood, that's more of a worry and I would want to take her back if it was me.

dittany · 22/01/2008 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sparkler · 22/01/2008 22:27

Thanks for your replies. We really need to make a decision. If it was just DH and I I'd be happy to keep her. Having two DDs is what's making me worry. Oh I don't know.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 22/01/2008 22:29

Message withdrawn

chocolatespiders · 22/01/2008 22:30

oh you poor thing

i would say for the next few days explain to children she needs to settle in and get used to you all.. so minimum touching of the cat.. and see how you go. let her get used to new family

how long was she in kennel place for? and do you know why?

Washersaurus · 22/01/2008 22:30

I agree that you need to get to know your cat before considering rehoming her. I think lots of cats do that bitey thing when they have had enough of being stroked or groomed etc.

I have a really old copy of a cat behaviour book that I think (if I recall correctly) has info about this sort of behaviour. Do a google search there will be something to help 're-train' her and to help you identify what the triggers might be.

Don't punish her though that will make it worse

ConnorTraceptive · 22/01/2008 22:31

How old are your DD's? Are they old enough to acceppt they can only pet her in certain ways.

Would also agree that you give the whole brushing thing a wide birth both my cats hate it.

Stick to just stroking her head and scratching her ears, keep your hands where she can see them and doesn't feel vulnerable an d perhaps just leave her be for a few days, cats do get incredibly stressed in a new environment.

FluffyMummy123 · 22/01/2008 22:31

Message withdrawn

ConnorTraceptive · 22/01/2008 22:32

Well quite cod!

ConnorTraceptive · 22/01/2008 22:32

ooh cross posts!

Original poster
Sparkler · 22/01/2008 22:32

thanks Cod

OP posts:
seeker · 22/01/2008 22:33

Most cats have a point where fuss and cuddles turn into too-much-please-leave-me-alone. If she doesn't like her tummy stroked - remember and don't do it. If she can only put up with so mush brushing, tell ds to keep alert for the cues (uaually stiffening up, tail lashing and a bit of a growl) and stop before she's had enough. He's 8 - old enough to understand that she may have had a hard life - it won't hurt him to have a bit od a scratch - he's not a tiny.

I think you're doing brilliantly for a rescue cat only to havw hissed at you 3 times!

systemsaddict · 22/01/2008 22:34

Gosh I've never had a cat which would tolerate us going anywhere near their tummy!! And lots of cats get suddenly overwhelmed with a certain amount of stroking or brushing and will suddenly lash out, you get to recognise the signs quite quickly - tail twitching, ears going in a certain direction, tensing up. It's like a reflex action, not somethng they're completely in control of.

TBH she sounds much friendlier and more predictable than our well-loved but 'difficult' rescue cat who has been a valued member of the family for years ... Give her time, get to know what she tolerates and what she doesn't, teach the kids to recognise same, and I'm sure she'll be fine. It's good for children to learn to respect animals' boundaries anyway.

ConnorTraceptive · 22/01/2008 22:36

seeker's right only 3 hisses is quite good our cat was like a tortoishell velocorapter when we first got her.

Have to say some of her unhinged qualities are actually what make me love her more