End of my tether with puppy/situation. Re-home or carry on?

[gillybean89]

Long thread as I don't want to leave any info out.
I'm looking for some honest advice here. We waited a couple of years and did lots of research before bringing our 11 week old lab puppy home 3 weeks ago but I've come to realise it was a massive mistake and I need some help.
I'm a SAHM and my husband works long shifts. Our DC are 5 and 2.5. Me and DH both had dogs growing up and thought we were prepared for the sleepless nights, training and everything that comes with having a puppy. MIL has a dog that we regularly walk and look after. DH had 2 weeks off when we picked the puppy up and things were going well. Hard, yes, and stressful at times but as puppies go she is actually very good - calm, good natured, easy to train and sleeping 10-6 at night in her crate. However since DH has been back at work I've found it really difficult by myself. The dog howls whenever we go upstairs for bath/bedtime, or to get dressed in a morning (I'm usually by myself with DC for this). We have a plan in place to tackle this and last night she was much better. However, if either of the kids wakes up in the night it all goes to pot. Their crying wakes the dog up, who is then really hard to settle, which in turn upsets DC when I can't be with them (DH works nights so I'm on my own with them about 10 nights a month). Last night we had about 4 hours of broken sleep, and DD (5) has been up since 4.30 because she can't bear to be without me if she wakes up and I'm not there. This morning we had DD swimming lesson and I almost fell asleep on the motorway, then DD said that I'd not clipped her in to her car seat (I know - horrendous and I am so thankful we hadn't had an accident). It was the final straw for me and now I'm wondering if I've got it in me to persevere with this situation or whether we admit defeat and re-home while puppy is still young enough to enjoy a wonderful life with a family who can give her the proper time she needs. I'm on my knees and desperate for honest opinions. DH thinks we should keep the dog and DC would be devastated. But ultimately it's me here with them all day and night and I'm not sure I'm mentally able to cope.

in your shoes I think I would rehome. Our lab was fully trained and around 18 months old before DS arrived and even then it was hard work having a young, energetic dog with a DC -and she never even howled!

your pup has a really long time before she is settled, fully trained and past all the ‘teenage’ pup years. You could be looking at 18 months -2 years old before she settles and calms and that’s if you put a lot of time and effort into her training. It’s all very well your DH saying to keep the dog but, as you say, it’s you that has all the work to do!

Feel for you.

I got my lab puppy a year ago when I had a preschooler and a 1 year old. It was HARD. Luckily for us she's always slept amazing in her crate at night and has never troubled us with that - however she was super destructive so couldn't take our eyes off her for months and toilet training took about 10 weeks!

She was around 4 months when it started getting easier, around 8 months when things were noticeably easier and she is just the perfect dog now that she's turned 1. She was worth every second, super easygoing now and amazing with the kids.

I definitely wouldn't do the puppy stage in a hurry again though!!

There are ways to combat this stuff - even investing in a puppy trainer? Or is there a family member/friend who could dog sit for a night? Or sticking out the hard times, because it does usually pass quickly and get better!

BUT if you really don't think you can cope then no one would be judging you if you rehomed (as long as you put the effort into finding a suitable home). Dogs are super adaptable and loving and I'm sure it'd be happy either way!

Update when you reach a decision?

Thank you for replying. I think you may be right. Already today I have had to intervene several times as she wants to play with DS(2.5) and jumps on him. Totally normal puppy behaviour I know, but too much for a toddler. When we were looking at dogs I was keener on an older dog but DH wanted a puppy as he didn't want to bring a dog with issues into a home with young children - understandable but I wish now I'd have insisted and looked at some older dogs. She really is a lovely dog, and if we were BC or if DC were older she would be a welcome addition. Sadly it may be right dog, wrong time...

She's not doing anything unusual, she's just being a puppy. I'm not sure what you expected when you decided to get one?

And if I've read correctly, you've had her three weeks, your husband took the first two weeks off, so you've been trying for just a week and want to rehome her?

You're writing this while you're still tired. I would give it a bit more time and make a decision on a day when you're not sleep deprived. You may really regret it.

It sounds like you're a really responsible owner. Fast forward to a year's time and you will most likely have a well behaved dog, and kids who are that bit older and better at night.

I know nothing about dogs but I feel for you.
I have a friend who leaves a radio on for her dog.
There will be great advice on here and I agree you will be tired today so don't be hasty.

I think everyone who has taken on a puppy thinks they’ve made a mistake in the first few weeks. We certainly did, it’s really hard work for a few weeks, but does get better once you get into a routine and puppy gets used to people and sounds. We crate trained our border collie where he slept downstairs with a cover over crate with door closed. As he got older he slept more soundly and not much would wake him up. If you do decide to rehome please ask breeder if they will take her back.

Give it a bit more time OP.

Whenever I bring a new floof into the home, it inevitably upsets the equilibrium and I think "have I done the right thing?"

I think it's natural and it will pass.

Good luck x

Awww poor puppy. He’s still a baby. And you’ve only had him a few weeks and you’re already fed up with him. They are just like kids it takes them months to learn things, it doesn’t happen overnight.

I think if you feel That way about him then you should rehome now while the lil pup is young and can find a good home. An older dog is your best bet.

Personally I think you are bonkers getting a puppy with 2 children so young. Puppies are hard work and require so much when they are small. I found it tough when my dog was a puppy and I had no children at the time.

I think you need to have an honest conversation with your husband at how you are finding it. Labs are great but don’t grow up quickly so unless you are willing to put the time and effort in now I would return her to the breeder.

I can't imagine why you got a puppy with two small children and a husband who is away and works nights. What did you expect?
rehome asap.

OP I have been in your scenario, it was HELLISH, and in our case, didn’t improve greatly, despite sticking it out for well over a year.

my final straw was when the pup began waking and pooing in his crate at 5am, and I was cleaning the bars of the crate while trying to hold down the morning sickness.

It was far too much, far too stifling, and a LONG way from what it had been like when we had dogs as children (on a farm).

Every time we left the room, the dog pooed, despite being taken outside every 30 mins. It was just horrendous, and I have to say, I would never EVER get another dog.

Rehoming was by far the right decision for us and I don’t regret it for even a millisecond!

Best of luck with your decision. Do what is right for you, and absolutely do not feel like you have to continue down any path just because it’s the ‘right’ thing.

if you have made a mistake it’s better to acknowledge it, rectify and move on.

Where is the puppy sleeping? Upstairs or downstairs?
If downstairs I would leave the radio on overnight so there is some background noise and have door shut so any noise from upstairs is kept to a minimum.
If pip does wake let them out for a wee and then back to bed. No playing.

Another thing I would try is frozen kongs. Buy a whole load of kongs and fill them. I use frozen puréed veg now but anything tasty for them. Have them made up and ready in the freezer all the time. That way you can grab one and give to puppy to keep them occupied for a while.

Liki mats are great too. Licking really helps dogs calm down so are great for young dogs.

Puppies are hard. Lab puppies are really hard.
You have 2 choices, suck it up and get on with it or rehome her before she gets too attached to your family.
But remember that this is a baby mammal that is missing her mum and litter mates. Her behaviour is totally understandable.

Thank you everyone. Those saying what was I thinking, I do have to say I now agree. My eldest is at school all day and our lifestyle is very much outdoors so I do still think a dog would be a good fit for our family, but despite all the research and studying I'm not sure I fully appreciated the sheer amount of work. If we do decide to re-home I most certainly would not be looking at another dog for a very very long time.
I do agree that I am very sleep deprived and that is making things seem worse. So I don't think we'll be making a decision just yet. At the moment I flit between 'this is awful and I can't cope' and 'this is amazing, she's so lovely' so maybe it is just puppy blues.
At night she is in the kitchen with her crate covered and the radio on low. She is happy to sleep in there, but any noise in the night and she's up with no settling her. We spent the first 10 days or so sleeping next to her and slowly edging out each night, which worked very well in settling her at bedtime. It's just the middle of the night which is tough. I let her out with no talking/interaction, but she is just so excited to see me that she is too hyped to go back to bed. Not so bad when DH is here but very tricky when he's not.

@tattychicken I don't 'want' to re-home, more that I can't see an end to this at the moment. Pippin sleeps very well until one of the kids gets up...so maybe I'm best rehoming them 🥴

Has it been starting to get light when pups been difficult to resettle?
My youngest dog used to be tricky to settle if it was starting to get light. So much so I bought blackout blinds - which solved the problem immediately.

@Dobbysgotthesocks yes now that you mention it...such an obvious thing but I'll blame the tiredness for the oversight! It was getting light at 4.30 this morning when we were outside for a wee so that could quote possibly be the reason. If nothing disturbs her in the night she'll sleep til around 6, so can't complain at that. Thank you, I'll try making it even darker this evening. We had been leaving the hallway light on for her but perhaps she doesn't need that anymore.

This. Wait until the youngest is at school and then reassess. If you're still at home during the day you'll find a puppy much easier. If you're not then you still shouldn't be getting one!

Hey, just coming out the other end of this with a GSD. Dear God I feel your pain! Im super experienced with recues and lots of other dogs but this guy nearly broke me!
Its a real challenge getting to a well behaved dog and you absolutely should rehome if you are failing the dog. However, like you I was at this stage and here is what I did.

1. Got him crate trained. If he was over stimulated, in from a walk, tired etc he went to bed. Solves lots of problems.
2. Got a very good trainer and did a few one on one sessions and did a 6 week puppy class. Game changing.
3. Get puppy or stair gates so it has its own safe space.
4. Lead train early.
5. Get tons of chew toys and do not leave about - give out as needed as novel toys each day- rotate them. Stuffable kongs saved my mind- stuff with lidl chicken frankfurters.
6. Get a few good quality rubber balls and do two ball relay game- takes about 10 mins to tire out a puppy doing that. Sanity saving.
7. Write out your commands and stick religiously to them.

My guy is 8 months now, still an arse sometimes but better and more chilled every day. Im glad I stuck it out.
Please DM here if I can help you in any way. Its awfully stressful so I am happy to help- been there!

I don't think you've given the puppy nearly enough time to settle in yet. They are used to constant company (litter mates) and new to baby noises and they are just a baby themselves, so no wonder they cry when left in a room and are woken at night by child noises. Give it another couple of months.

This is the reason decent breeders/rescues do not home to families with small children.

Why does the dog have to be shut away in the kitchen, have them up with you and the bustle of family life.

It is very early days and will get better, however a puppy/young dog and 2 young children is very hard and not something I would do. I waited until my youngest was 8 before we got DDog. People do have toddlers and dogs but it really wasn’t for me

A bouncy lab pup and young kids is going to be hard work. It doesn't sound like you're committed or want to be commuted. It'll be easier all round to rehome now IMO, with the breeder not via Facebook or similar.

We got ddog when I was just pregnant, worked perfectly for us but I wouldn't have wanted to manage him as a pup with a toddler.