End of my tether with puppy/situation. Re-home or carry on?

[gillybean89]

Long thread as I don't want to leave any info out.
I'm looking for some honest advice here. We waited a couple of years and did lots of research before bringing our 11 week old lab puppy home 3 weeks ago but I've come to realise it was a massive mistake and I need some help.
I'm a SAHM and my husband works long shifts. Our DC are 5 and 2.5. Me and DH both had dogs growing up and thought we were prepared for the sleepless nights, training and everything that comes with having a puppy. MIL has a dog that we regularly walk and look after. DH had 2 weeks off when we picked the puppy up and things were going well. Hard, yes, and stressful at times but as puppies go she is actually very good - calm, good natured, easy to train and sleeping 10-6 at night in her crate. However since DH has been back at work I've found it really difficult by myself. The dog howls whenever we go upstairs for bath/bedtime, or to get dressed in a morning (I'm usually by myself with DC for this). We have a plan in place to tackle this and last night she was much better. However, if either of the kids wakes up in the night it all goes to pot. Their crying wakes the dog up, who is then really hard to settle, which in turn upsets DC when I can't be with them (DH works nights so I'm on my own with them about 10 nights a month). Last night we had about 4 hours of broken sleep, and DD (5) has been up since 4.30 because she can't bear to be without me if she wakes up and I'm not there. This morning we had DD swimming lesson and I almost fell asleep on the motorway, then DD said that I'd not clipped her in to her car seat (I know - horrendous and I am so thankful we hadn't had an accident). It was the final straw for me and now I'm wondering if I've got it in me to persevere with this situation or whether we admit defeat and re-home while puppy is still young enough to enjoy a wonderful life with a family who can give her the proper time she needs. I'm on my knees and desperate for honest opinions. DH thinks we should keep the dog and DC would be devastated. But ultimately it's me here with them all day and night and I'm not sure I'm mentally able to cope.

I’m not sure it’s fair on you 2.5 year old, to be honest. Your puppy will get bigger and more boisterous more quickly than your preschooler.

With your DH doing nights, and long shifts - I’m not sure you’ll have the time to do puppy training properly.

It is early days but it won’t get loads easier - it will just be hard in different ways for another 12 months minimum. So there would be no shame in admitting this was the wrong time for this challenge.

I wouldn't have a dog until any children were at school. It is easier to get the dog in a routine then, and the kids are old enough to know how to be around the dog, and not get it too overexcited.
Only you know if you can persevere, but sounds like you have enough in your plate already.

I've had dogs with small children but not a puppy and it was still hard if you've got so little back up.

That said it sounds as though it's mostly the children waking the puppy that's the deal breaker. I'd think long and hard about whether you can fix that - my puppy is 9 months old and he'll still wake up for a bit if you walk past him in the night (he does go back to sleep though).

@NoSquirrels I do agree with you I think. The saving grace at the min is that the weather is nice and our garden is big so DS can potter around without being bothered by the dog.
Despite PPs advising to re-home, I am feeling much better about the situation the last couple of days. Pup is 11 weeks and definitely not what I would call a bouncy dog. She certainly has her moments but she is so far very calm, doesn't jump up, seems to know she has to be a bit more careful around the kids etc. When we have visitors she sits down, wags her tail and waits for them to come to her. Those who have had labs before, is this the sign of a good, mild mannered dog, or the calm before the storm? I have had a lab before but he was dopey as they come from the day he arrived really.
My lovely MIL and my DB have both offered help in terms of sitting with dog, having her so I can have a break etc. So I'm very lucky in that regard.

Often people put crates in the kitchen because “that’s where the dog sleeps” it might be worth thinking about the layout of your house and seeing if another room might be more suitable- is the kids room over the kitchen so waking the puppy up? Put a radio on to mask background noise, try a draft excluder by the door to muffle noises.
I found if puppy wakes redoing the evening routine helped reaffirm that it is still sleep time, so try and use a cue for sleep- “night night” so puppy wakes, go in, don’t say anything or engage in play, take out for a wee, pop back in crate with a gentle night night and leave.

Bit late to the party, however I completely understand where you are coming from. We recently got a 9 week old puppy and I don't think we realised how hard work it would be, alongside a nearly 3 year old it has been extremely tough! We don't want to rehome, and are just hoping the pup calms down, have you thought about puppy classes? Or even books to read.

Lab puppies are an absolute nightmare, but if you can stick it out she’ll be the best dog in the world when she turns one (which I realise sounds like forever away when you’re in the thick of it). Do you cover her crate to make it dark?

Why people get puppies when they've got tiny children is mystifying.

I would say to anyone, don’t get a pup if you have a young family, it’s really hard work raising a pup. I don’t think anyone is fully prepared for the time and commitment involved, you can read and research, but the practice isn’t the same as the theory. Good luck with whatever you decide, but if you decide to re-home, do it sooner rather than later.

I agree, it's a particularly bad idea if you've not owned a dog as an adult previously.

Hi, I just wanted to come on and provide an update. Pup is still with us and I have to say I'm so very pleased we stuck with it. She is an absolute delight to have around. She is now almost 5 months old and is just the best dog I've ever known - so gentle with the kids, so well behaved, she's doing fantastically well with training, fully toilet trained now, no more crying at night, no more night time accidents. What a dog. We are all smitten with her and she is very much a part of our family. We've even just been on our first family camping holiday with her and she was wonderful. Thank you all for your advice and input, I'm sure we'll have other challenges ahead but she's not going anywhere.

I love this OP, thanks for the update.

you might have rough patches going forwards , but you know now you’ll come out the other side.

well done

Really pleased for you OP.

Really pleased for you. So glad you stuck with it. They are hard work but very much worth it in the end. You will have many bumps ahead but they will come through it.
I think I'm just beginning to see thing smoothing out now mine has reached 2.5.
Good luck and enjoy them!

Aahhhh such a lovely update! So glad you stuck with it and it’s working out. The puppy stage can be absolute hell and I think most people wonder what the hell they have done at some stage.