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Original poster

Rehomed cat and devastated

78 replies

Starlight92 · 18/03/2021 14:15

Hello, firstly thanks for listening to me ramble! I have just rehomed my cat and I am absolutely heartbroken. I am currently living with my partner (and his family....not the best situation, I know!) who has a young daughter (she doesn’t live here but comes to visit once a week). To cut a long story short, we have been together for two and a half years (saving for our own house) and his daughter has recently started showing allergic symptoms to my cat, Sammy.

I don’t have much family myself so don’t really have any alternative living arrangements at the moment, so I have really been pushed into a situation I’m really uncomfortable with. I have had to rehome my lovely cat with my partner’s sister - who is lovely but has two children (sammy is not used to kids and gets quite nervous around them). He has so far been living there about a week and a half and so far will only come out when the kids are at school, and is so far definitely not keen on them. He would never hiss or show aggression (he’s a sweetie and wouldn’t hurt a fly), but will stay in a bedroom whilst they’re around. I feel absolutely devastated and keep worrying he won’t settle in and will be miserable.

I know I’m very lucky I am still able to see him, but feel a bit selfish for homing him there now. I am so upset I’ve been considering taking him back and moving out, but this would mean my partner and myself could essentially never live together. I kicked a huge fuss about rehoming sammy in the first place, but my partner is concerned his daughters allergies could be dangerous (and he has troubles with his ex too which makes the situation worse).

Anyway - sorry for the long rant! I am just concerned sammy will never get used to his new home and I’ve made a massive mistake, I am just so heartbroken and miss him so much  Any advice would be so appreciated!

OP posts:
MrMeSeeks · 18/03/2021 22:57

OP your cat will settle. You’ve done well to find him a good home

Except some do not ever settle. Some are not suited to be living with kids, especially little ones.

InescapableDeath · 18/03/2021 23:04

I’d love a cat but I have bad animal allergies and antihistamines barely have any affect when I have to spend a long time with one. I wouldn’t put that pressure on a kid to take daily medication that probably won’t fix the situation. Of course nothing to say you have to stay in the situation either!

RiaOverTheRainbow · 18/03/2021 23:08

Genuine question, would you be this upset about not living with your partner? If you get your own place you could still see him multiple times a week, which probably won't be the case with Sammy.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 18/03/2021 23:10

Go get your boy 🐈‍⬛ and your own place

No one is thinking of YOU in this situation.

decadance · 18/03/2021 23:14

Your cat has not been used to children, and doesn't sound happy there.
You had the cat before the boyfriend, i have a rescue cat called Sammy would never rehome her for a boyfriend, and could never live with a boyfriend's parents, move out and get your cat back.

Icequeen01 · 18/03/2021 23:19

If it was me and I had to rehome one of my beloved cats I know I would never get over the guilt and sadness of giving away my furry friend. It would literally torment me.

I guess you need to decide whether this is something you can come to terms with in the future. Such a difficult position - I really feel for you.

Bumblebee1980a · 18/03/2021 23:30

Sorry, but the ex is definitely not being unreasonable. The child is allergic to cats and her reaction to them is quite serious. Rashes and her eyes swelling up is a major reaction. I wouldn't subject my child to that either.

I don't think the ex is being unrealistic either. I would do the same.

It's upsetting for you but the child's health has to come first.

She also can't be on antihistamines 24/7 (or whenever she's at her dads home) can she.

Bumblebee1980a · 19/03/2021 09:19

Unreasonable not unrealistic.

Original poster
Starlight92 · 19/03/2021 09:23

Thanks so much for all your replies. It's very hard - part of me really wants to get him back and move out, but realistically it would mean me and my partner could never live together (at least, not for a good few years). We are both 29 and 30 and ideally would love to settle down and have kids in the next couple of years. Pretty hard to do when you live apart!

I might just give it a bit of time and see how sammy settles in the next couple of weeks. He let one of the kids give him treats this morning so I guess it's a bit of progress!

OP posts:
UsedUpUsername · 19/03/2021 09:23

The child is only there once a week. Surely it could be managed somehow? The cat will likely not settle with young children. Is it possible to have him take DD on outings and keep her bedroom cat free?

UsedUpUsername · 19/03/2021 09:24

@Bumblebee1980a

Sorry, but the ex is definitely not being unreasonable. The child is allergic to cats and her reaction to them is quite serious. Rashes and her eyes swelling up is a major reaction. I wouldn't subject my child to that either.

I don't think the ex is being unrealistic either. I would do the same.

It's upsetting for you but the child's health has to come first.

She also can't be on antihistamines 24/7 (or whenever she's at her dads home) can she.

But it’s only one day a week ...
Lochroy · 19/03/2021 09:33

How old is the daughter and how long are the stays? I'm sorry you're in this sad situation but I don't think it's fair to expect a young child to have to be drugged up in order to spend time at her Dad's, as some pp have suggested. Hopefully your cat will get used to it, and as you say, you can still see him, so make the most of that.

Bumblebee1980a · 19/03/2021 10:06

@Starlight92

Thanks so much for all your replies. It's very hard - part of me really wants to get him back and move out, but realistically it would mean me and my partner could never live together (at least, not for a good few years).

Why not for a good few years? How old is the cat?

Original poster
Starlight92 · 19/03/2021 10:10

[quote Bumblebee1980a]@Starlight92

Thanks so much for all your replies. It's very hard - part of me really wants to get him back and move out, but realistically it would mean me and my partner could never live together (at least, not for a good few years).

Why not for a good few years? How old is the cat?

[/quote]
He will be 12 this year, it still acts like a little kitten bless him

OP posts:
Original poster
Starlight92 · 19/03/2021 10:12

^^*but

OP posts:
CatChant · 19/03/2021 13:38

Sadly, I don't think you have a good few years. I can't be sure, since some of my cats were adults when I got them, but I doubt any of them were older than 14 when they died. One was 12 (cancer) and one only nine (auto-immune disorder). Yes, some live a good bit longer but 12 is already a respectable age.

musicalfrog · 19/03/2021 18:21

Average age of cats is 16.

greatauntfanny · 19/03/2021 18:39

From your recent post OP it sounds like you've made your decision and now just need to take the time to come to terms with it. I'd have made a different decision. Neither are right or wrong.

CodMouth · 19/03/2021 23:27

So his daughter can never go to her aunties home anymore?

GoLightlyontheEarth · 19/03/2021 23:35

I can’t believe the number of people here who think that a child should be on antihistamines on a constant basis in order to accommodate a cat! She clearly has a severe allergy. Her father wouldn’t be a good father if he saw his daughter made unwell by a pet that isn’t even hers.
If you really love the cat you need to live separately until you’re cat dies. You can’t expect a child to be made unwell because of your choices. Of course her mother objects . Any decent mother would.

Workinghardeveryday · 19/03/2021 23:39

I am another to keep the cat!!

You ultimately did this huge upsetting thing for your dp and his dd because you love him/her. Yet they happily let you do it knowing it would break your heart.... I thought dp should be trying to make you happy!!

Get your cat back!! If he can’t see how upset you are, do one with your lovely cat x

User5747384 · 19/03/2021 23:43

I would move out and get my cat back.

tabulahrasa · 19/03/2021 23:51

I’d take antihistamines myself if I developed an allergy to one of my pets, my DP does in fact have a mild cat allergy and we have a cat...

But, I’d not make my child do that tbh, it’s different making that decision on behalf of a child.

UsedUpUsername · 20/03/2021 07:19

@CodMouth

So his daughter can never go to her aunties home anymore?
This is a good question actually ....
Bluesheep8 · 20/03/2021 08:09

My cat was 21 when he died

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