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Original poster

Rehomed cat and devastated

78 replies

Starlight92 · 18/03/2021 14:15

Hello, firstly thanks for listening to me ramble! I have just rehomed my cat and I am absolutely heartbroken. I am currently living with my partner (and his family....not the best situation, I know!) who has a young daughter (she doesn’t live here but comes to visit once a week). To cut a long story short, we have been together for two and a half years (saving for our own house) and his daughter has recently started showing allergic symptoms to my cat, Sammy.

I don’t have much family myself so don’t really have any alternative living arrangements at the moment, so I have really been pushed into a situation I’m really uncomfortable with. I have had to rehome my lovely cat with my partner’s sister - who is lovely but has two children (sammy is not used to kids and gets quite nervous around them). He has so far been living there about a week and a half and so far will only come out when the kids are at school, and is so far definitely not keen on them. He would never hiss or show aggression (he’s a sweetie and wouldn’t hurt a fly), but will stay in a bedroom whilst they’re around. I feel absolutely devastated and keep worrying he won’t settle in and will be miserable.

I know I’m very lucky I am still able to see him, but feel a bit selfish for homing him there now. I am so upset I’ve been considering taking him back and moving out, but this would mean my partner and myself could essentially never live together. I kicked a huge fuss about rehoming sammy in the first place, but my partner is concerned his daughters allergies could be dangerous (and he has troubles with his ex too which makes the situation worse).

Anyway - sorry for the long rant! I am just concerned sammy will never get used to his new home and I’ve made a massive mistake, I am just so heartbroken and miss him so much  Any advice would be so appreciated!

OP posts:
Tempusfudgeit · 18/03/2021 15:25

Nah, use your half of the saved money to get a rental property, get Sammy back and look for a man who won't disregard your well-being.

This situation has (your) unhappiness stamped all over it.

Bluesheep8 · 18/03/2021 15:28

Why isn't the SD taking antihistamines for such a bad allergy?

NewRenovation · 18/03/2021 15:29

It happens so often than new man arrives, cat goes. Don’t really care what the excuse is.

Kittykat93 · 18/03/2021 15:35

Just want to say...people saying they are allergic but fine after taking antihistamines...not everyone with an allergy is like that. I am very allergic to cats..even with taking prescription antihistamines every day i only have to be around someone who has a cat and it sets me off, I also get swollen eyes etc and its really not fun.

MeowPurrGrr · 18/03/2021 15:51

@bookworm29x

I'd get the cat back and ask he takes daughter elsewhere if they can't be bothered to use antisimeties (I can't spell sorry 😂). No way would I rehome a cat for a child that isn't even mine and may not even stay with partner forever. Sorry if that's a bit blunt. Big hugs to you OP you obviously want your cat back. Thanks
Yup I’m 100% in agreement here! No way would I ever even consider rehoming my beautiful cat for someone else’s child!! (But then I do prefer animals to children!) Wink
AndeanMountainCat · 18/03/2021 16:03

I would find a house for me and my cat.

CatsNotDogs · 18/03/2021 16:04

Getting rid of your lovely cat for someone else's sprog? Bollocks to that. Get Sammy back and move, your boyfriend will have to accept either he needs to work around it or you can't live together at the minute. He doesn't like it? Fuck off 👋

HopeHappy · 18/03/2021 16:24

Oh bless you, OP - I'd be gutted to have to rehome my cat.

If your DP's DD is only over 1 day a week, is it feasible to just put the cat in a cattery overnight? Or does DDs reaction come from fur/other residue left behind?

I know others are jumping on you leaving your DP but I know things aren't often as black and white as that.

If you do have to leave the cat with your DPs sister, I would just add that he will most likely settle with more time. He's had a big upheaval himself and is now living with children.

Make sure your SIL (easier than DP's sister!) gives him somewhere to hide away, preferably up high, where the children can't get to him.

We took in a similarly stressed rescue cat 3 months ago. We barely saw him for the first two weeks - he just hid and hissed at us if we went anywhere near him. 3 months on and he's the sweetest little thing. Still a bit nervous and skittish but has realised that we're not so bad after all and loves nothing more than an ear scratch and always greets me at the front door when I get home.

Radio4Rocks · 18/03/2021 16:33

So little understanding of how serious cat allergies can be. The DM is right to insist that the cat goes if her DD is going to stay with her DF in his house. Not OP's house, she doesn't make the rules.

DS2 was twice admitted to hospital in a very bad way as a child after contact with a cat. Allergies can kill. The minimising here is absolutely stupid.

Northernshepherd · 18/03/2021 16:40

@Radio4Rocks

So little understanding of how serious cat allergies can be. The DM is right to insist that the cat goes if her DD is going to stay with her DF in his house. Not OP's house, she doesn't make the rules.

DS2 was twice admitted to hospital in a very bad way as a child after contact with a cat. Allergies can kill. The minimising here is absolutely stupid.

Except most people are saying they would pick the cat over someone else's kid and move out. Not that the op should rub the cat all over said kid.
InglouriousBasterd · 18/03/2021 16:42

I’d also choose cat over partner so I’m no help.

ilovesooty · 18/03/2021 16:54

It wasn't suggested that the OP could make the rules in the house. She can choose to move though and get her cat back, who was a responsibility she took on before involving herself with this man who of course has to look after his daughter's needs but seemingly doesn't give a stuff about how his partner feels.

Radio4Rocks · 18/03/2021 17:33

He probably cares that she's upset but what can he do? His child's health has to come first, obviously.

willibald · 18/03/2021 17:41

@EL8888

Another vote for cat over boyfriend etc. I’m probably a bad person to ask, as l can’t think of anything worse than shacking up with a man and his children!
No shit! And in his folks' house. I'd rather live in a bedsit, or a flatshare.
Forkorspoon · 18/03/2021 17:48

Seriously, people are suggesting someone leave their partner because he put his child before a cat or that said child should take medication to accommodate the cat. Bonkers!. Very kind of the Sil to take in the cat & it will soon settle in.

Toddlerteaplease · 18/03/2021 18:01

I also would put my cats first.

EL8888 · 18/03/2021 21:20

@willibald same! I’m too independent. Zero chance of me living in my partners folks house

Boyfriends come and go. My cats have survived my first husband and a subsequent boyfriend. Cats have added way more to my life then they did. I’m now living with my fiancé and he has a cat as well

ilovesooty · 18/03/2021 22:07

I have two cats. No potential partner would convince me to give them up. I'd move out rather than countenance that.

CodMouth · 18/03/2021 22:11

@willibald

I'd get the cat back and dump your boyfriend.
This ^
GingerFigs · 18/03/2021 22:34

I'd always chose my cats over people! And yes I appreciate some find that weird but I spend more time with them than any person I know!

Two of my cats were rescues, handed in at 4 years old because the little girl was (suddenly?) allergic...never rings true for me.

Get the cat back and move out. At the very least if you don't want to move out/leave the bf etc, I would rehome the cat to somewhere where there are no children (or older children more used to cats). It can be incredibly stressful for cats and if he is still hiding after over a week he is obviously not happy.

GingerFigs · 18/03/2021 22:37

@Northernshepherd

Except most people are saying they would pick the cat over someone else's kid and move out. Not that the op should rub the cat all over said kid.

This made me laugh 😂

RizzleRazzle · 18/03/2021 22:37

I'd rather move out and live with the cat than live with a DP and his parents.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 18/03/2021 22:42

Crazy the number of people who expect a father to put a cat ahead of their child.
OP your cat will settle. You’ve done well to find him a good home. Xx

ilovesooty · 18/03/2021 22:52

It's not a good home if the cat is stressed and unhappy.

MrMeSeeks · 18/03/2021 22:56

I move and get my cat back.
Id rather be without a bloke than my beloved pet.

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