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Original poster

Should I get a dog if my boyf is against it?

39 replies

Warrior93 · 22/10/2020 17:20

I know this question has been asked before, but most posters have husbands or partners who they actually live with.

I’m in a LDR with my boyfriend. We’ve had a rocky relationship, but have been together for 2 years. He has a complicated situation and lives quite a nomadic lifestyle. We take it in turns travelling to see each other.

I have my own house, garden, a good job etc. I’ve wanted a dog since forever and grew up with them. Very active etc. I have an opportunity to get a whippet puppy and am 100% up for it, except that he hates dogs.

He hasn’t told me I can’t do it, but I know that I will not be able to bring the pup with me when we meet up at his, because he won’t want it in his space. So it will mean either finding someone to look after her, forcing him to accept her, or not staying at his anymore. Which does seem a bit harsh. I know I’ll be a great dog mum, and I live alone and only see my BF a couple of times a month, so it seems like a big sacrifice to make proportionate to how often I go to his.

All of my friends say I should get the puppy and that if he really cares about me, he would try to get on board with it. I think it would be very different if we lived together. My point is that it’s my life, but if I’m basically not going to be able to stay overnight at his and bring the dog with me, it’ll be really inconvenient.

Any advice appreciated!

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 22/10/2020 17:24

If you want the dog, get the dog but also accept that your boyfriend doesn't want one so you'll need to find someone reliable to look after the dog when you go and visit him.

Roseboss · 22/10/2020 17:34

I bought a cat but none of my family members could stand it firstly because they are allergic which is reasonable and at the other hand some people love pets but they cannot keep them in their house so whenever I wanted to go to my family I couldn't take my cat there & if I wanted to go to holiday no one could look after it so I was like why I bought a cat when I cannot spend time with my family and enjoy it , in my opinion if your partner doesn't like a dog you have to forget about it because you will be so annoyed when you cannot take your pet everywhere and you don't know if you can find a suitable person to look after it so your relationship is the priority and you will be hurt if you could not keep the dog and everything becomes so complicated

user116439526896 · 22/10/2020 17:37

How does he enrich your life?

You don't even live with him and he's managing to control the decisions you make about your own life.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 22/10/2020 17:41

Obviously you can't force him to accept the dog in his home if he hates dogs. Not liking dogs isn't a crime, you would be U to force this issue.

So you either get the dog and dump the BF, or get the dog and find ways for other people to take care of it when you're at BF's. To be fair, dogs are tying and you will need people who can help you out, whether that's paid care, other dog owners you reciprocate with, or friends/family who are happy to help you out.

That bit is all quite straightforward imo - but the issue is when he travels to see you. I'd be prepared for this to fizzle out when he spends all his time ignoring your beloved dog...

unmarkedbythat · 22/10/2020 17:47

If I were in a LDR with someone and they got a dog, I'd have to end the relationship. The dog would never be coming to my home and I would not want to interact with it at all if I went to theirs.

All of my friends say I should get the puppy and that if he really cares about me, he would try to get on board with it.

What if all his friends say you shouldn't get the puppy and that if you really care about him you would try to get on board with not having a dog? Hmm

Get a dog if you want and can care for one, but don't assume someone who hates dogs will magically change that to suit you. I wouldn't, and I would think anyone expecting me to do so was a bit dim.

NoSquirrels · 22/10/2020 17:49

We’ve had a rocky relationship, but have been together for 2 years. He has a complicated situation and lives quite a nomadic lifestyle

I’d have a loyal, constant companion over a complicated, nomadic boyfriend any day.

Embracelife · 22/10/2020 17:52

Get the dog
Dump the nomadic rocky boyfriend

newnameforthis123 · 22/10/2020 17:54

Only two years in, rocky relationship, he lives a nomadic lifestyle and you only see him a couple of times a month?

I don't think you should be making any long term decisions that take him into account tbh as do you really think it's a healthy relationship that will go the distance?!

Get the dog, ditch the guy. You don't sound compatible. Rocky, infrequent and distant. Much better have a lovely dog in your life than a man you aren't compatible with.

Mumbum2011 · 22/10/2020 18:26

Get the dog. It doesn't sound like your relationship is going anywhere and a dog will bring you much more joy and loyalty.

Original poster
Warrior93 · 23/10/2020 07:40

Wow thanks for the advice everyone, made for amusing reading haha. I have made some enquiries about daycare in my area and it’s way more affordable than I thought (£40 for a whole weekend), so I could just put her into doggy daycare for the weekends that I stay with the boyf. Point taken on how the argument could run both ways, but I must say that I really do let him do what he wants and would never think he should not do something he’s wanted to his whole life because of me. Anyway, thanks for the advice!

OP posts:
CaraDuneRedux · 23/10/2020 07:46

I suspect your subconscious may be engineering an "it's me or the dog" moment because deep down you know a flakey, nomadic, unreliable chap you only see a couple of times a month is not really enhancing your life. Grin

Like a PP said - dump the bloke, get the dog.

user1493494961 · 23/10/2020 07:52

I don't think it's fair to get a puppy and put her in kennels every month.

GreyishDays · 23/10/2020 07:55

It’s only two days a month?
Lots of people do 9-5 mon to fri.

FiveShelties · 23/10/2020 07:58

What will happen to the dog if you decide to move in together?

JaJaDingDong · 23/10/2020 07:58

I don't like dogs either.
In your bf's situation that would be a deal breaker for me.

Doggy people and non doggy people shouldn't enter into relationships imo. They just don't understand how strongly the other feels about dogs.

Beamur · 23/10/2020 08:02

I'd get the dog. A weekend in kennels once or twice a month will be fine.
How will it work when he comes to yours?
Do you have any plans to ever live together?

HollyHocks13 · 23/10/2020 08:06

Get the dog! It will enrich your life so much more than the flakey boyfriend!

PersonaNonGarter · 23/10/2020 08:11

Get the dog. 100%

Stop discussing it with your boyfriend and take it out of his control.

Mmmmdanone · 23/10/2020 08:14

Get the dog 🐶!

Thehollyandtheirony · 23/10/2020 08:20

Get the dog, ditch the boyfriend.

I could never start a life with someone who actively disliked dogs.

Beck30 · 23/10/2020 08:28

Rocky relationship, nomadic lifestyle, and yet carries enough weight in the relationship to make you feel awkward about something you have wanted essentially all your life? Can you really see this relationship lasting?

In 20 years' time, which do you think you will regret most; never having had a dog, or not marrying your nomadic BF?

BlueThistles · 23/10/2020 08:33

Get the Dog.. ditch the Nomad

SimonJT · 23/10/2020 08:51

I wouldn’t even date someone who didn’t like dogs. So a simple choice for me.

I got a dog in June, my boyfriend is well aware that the pecking order is
Son
Cat
Dog
Him

lynsey91 · 23/10/2020 08:58

I would definitely get a dog. Dogs are wonderful and you will have company and be able to go on lovely walks together, meet lots of other dog lovers etc.

As other posters have said, it is not really a good idea for a dog lover and dog hater to get together. I know I could never have had a relationship with someone who didn't love dogs as much as I do, or cats or all animals really. DH is as soppy about animals as I am

RaspAsYouChokeOnTheToupee · 23/10/2020 09:00

Ignore the Rocky relationship at only two years in for a moment, what’s the end game? Do you see yourself with this guy forever? In that scenario are you giving up never having a dog or has he ‘magically’ come round to having a dog? You can’t guarantee he will ever come round to having a dog, he more than likely won’t and that’s his choice. So you might be facing living without a dog. I agree with a PP that dog and non-dog people shouldn’t be together. It’s similar to kids and non-kids. Obviously you will always get people who are indifferent either way and you can get a dog or non-dog person with those. I couldn’t see not having dogs in my future and I made that quite clear to my husband.

Now forget the dog for the moment, you’re in a LDR with a nomad and you’ve been together for two years and it’s rocky. If at two years you’re describing it as rocky, I think you need to evaluate if it’s actually worth it. It doesn’t sound like you’re partners, you said he doesn’t consider you in any decisions. Does he tell you where he moves to other than just as a heads up so that you can visit him? Your descriptions make it sound more like a long-standing FWB than a relationship. I wouldn’t be giving up anything I wanted for a long-standing FWB to be honest.