Anxious about new kitten

[user2348]

Hi there,
I've just put a deposit down on a British shorthair kitten. I have wanted a kitten for ages. My last cat was an old rescue black cat who I absolutely loved so much, and died at age 20 last year. I would have got another rescue but also wanted a British Shorthair for a while.
Anyway, there was only one kitten left that was available. A lilac boy. He's very cute and let me pick him up but I didn't feel an instant bond with him and he wasn't purry, etc. I know that sounds ridiculous as he's a cat but with my rescue she basically chose me. Whereas this time I"m a lot more nervous as I want him to be an affectionate cat and to, more importantly, feel a bond with him.
Any stories of getting kittens that weren't super friendly to start with but grew more so, and how to stop feeling worried if I've done the wrong thing as it's such a commitment getting a kitten!
Thanks in advance.

To add the kitten is now 9 weeks and I will pick him up in three weeks.

I've read plenty of stories like this recently of people trying to abandon their kittens/cats due to them not being instantly affectionate with you. If you don't feel an instant connection then don't get it? There's a chance that he could be drawn to you over time but he is only a little kitty and equally deserves someone to make a real effort!

Cats and kittens take time to adapt, alot of people think they're going to sit on your lap all day and do everything you want but in all honesty they do whatever THEY want, they own you and there is nothing you can do about it 😂😻

I think you are being bit silly tbh but that said if you are unsure I wouldn’t buy him.

I don’t think I’ve ever met a ‘purry’ affectionate kitten!
They all just tolerate a quick stroke then want to run off and play in my experience!
I doubt you’ll know it’s real personality until it’s a lot older.

Ditto with dogs, while I would never buy a nervous puppy (or kitten) I wouldn’t pay too much attention to it’s affectionateness.
When we got our dog all the puppies were going crazy wanting affection, DDog was a cuddly puppy.
As an adult, she would far rather play with you than have a cuddle!
She’ll come to comfort you if upset and she’s happy for you to sit with her and stroke her while she’s resting but it’s fairly rare for her to decide to actively come to you for a cuddle.

Our cat wasn’t an affectionate kitten at all.
As an adult she is extremely affectionate with my DS but not too much with anyone else.
We get a bit of rubbing and purring when she comes in and she will (rarely) sit and snuggle into someone’s lap.

I wanted a female cat and the RSPCA said they only had Tom Cats so I just went to have a look at them. Obviously could not resist and adopted a kitten - he was the one right at the back of the cage, would not come to me. I felt so sorry for him and he was the one we picked.

Jake Cat was a fantastic cat, shy but loved her new family. I say 'her' because Jake was a girl and became JayCee and a much loved member of the family. Win win.

Please OP do not judge the kitten on an initial meeting, but having said that then if you are not sure, leave the kitten for someone else.

Thanks all. Think some of you are a bit harsh to be honest. I wasn't suggesting I am going to buy him and abandon him for not being affectionate for goodness sake! i think it's usual to feel a little nervous from my side as I take the commitment of owning a cat seriously. Anyway, I will be getting him and being patient. I was really just looking for other people's stories on the process. I am actually a very sensible animal lover. And it's rubbish to say kittens are never purry and very friendly - they are! But I think sometimes it takes a little while to form a bond with a new furry friend.

I grew up with cats and lots of kittens. Had them in adulthood.
This is very normal, OP. You will bond. We brought home a kitten in June. I wasn't all mushy and starry-eyed at all. I was very pragmatic in having the house secure, making sure I had the right feed, booking him into the vets, etc. The kids were gaga for him. That was enough for me! He was 8 weeks then. He's about 14 weeks now (give or take, need to check dates) and I am BESOTTED with him. The thing is, I knew this would happen because I've always reacted this way with the pets. You just have to get to know them and they have to get to know and trust you. It's a process. And it happens rather quickly. Just be there for him. Make sure everything is secure and safe. I actually think it's a good thing. Your heart hasn't turned to candy floss yet (it will! ) so you can focus on practical matters... like safety! Watch your windows, especially around 12 weeks!

Oh and speaking from my own experience, my kittens all became very affectionate from around 12 weeks. Once they get their sea legs on and you become 'mum', that affection kicks in. It just takes time. They're kind of ripped away from their own mother and siblings, so just allow for that shock to settle.

I wasn't suggesting I am going to buy him and abandon him for not being affectionate for goodness sake!
You said you didn’t feel a bond with him and that he wasn’t purry and that you are nervous he won’t be an affectionate cat.
You said that you are feeling worried that you have done the wrong thing.

I’m not sure what you expect people to think reading that really.

It reads to me that you want a super cuddly affectionate cat and are going to be very disappointed if he doesn’t turn out that way.

I would hope that you wouldn’t abandon him but the reality is that people abandon all sorts of animals for really silly reasons, I don’t think it’s unreasonable that reading your post some would worry that you may be one of these people.

I stand by my opinion that if you are unsure you should not buy the kitten.

i think it's usual to feel a little nervous from my side as I take the commitment of owning a cat seriously
Mm, we are all different.
I personally was filled with nothing but excitement when I got my cat and dog.

And it's rubbish to say kittens are never purry and very friendly - they are!
Not in my experience!
I’ve had three cats so far, all from kittens, one from birth.
Very wiggly, very lively, not at all aggressive or nervous no but very scratchy and bitey and wanting to explore and play rather than sit and cuddle.
Other people’s kittens that I know of the same.
I personally would be slightly worried if a 9 week kitten wanted to purr and sleep in your lap like an adult cat.

But I think sometimes it takes a little while to form a bond with a new furry friend
I’ve never found that but judging by a lot of threads and posts on here it appears you are right and lots do take a while to bond.

I had a cat for ten years who was an absolute dick, she hated everyone. (must point out she was provided a wonderful life with us, she was just a dick).
She wasn't affectionate. Ever.

Not all cats are. We just accepted that. Cared for her and just let her do whatever made her happy

When I picked up my Persians. (From
A rescue) they were already in boxes and I didn't meet them at all till we got home. One of them hid for a week. So I didn't meet her at all! But the bond came very quickly! When I went to meet my third Persian. I picked her up and thought, hmm, not feeling it. But then she rolled over on my lap and made me tickle her tummy. That did it. I was smitten. Don't worry OP. It'll be fine!

When I got them home I thought OMG what have I done. But they were the best thing I've ever done!

TheVanguardSix That's great advice! Thank you! Yes, it's what I'm expecting. Right now I'm v much focused on doing all the practical stuff to prepare...

@Toddlerteaplease That's what I'm expecting....to have that 'oh my god what have I done' moment, but then it'll pass and gradually I'll wonder what life was like without him, like I have with all my other pets.

@Giganticshark Yes, you have to accept what they are like, true. My old cat hated everyone and everyone thought she was mega unfriendly! But when I got her home after about a month she was bonded to me like no other - just hated everyone else, ha ha!

None of the three cats I've had have been purry or affectionate before we've brought them home but 2/3 became incredibly loving and affectionate and 1 is affectionate in her own way shall we say.. I think if you get a kitten and treat it right from the start then you will see a bond start to form.

When I got Haribo from his Cats Protection foster he interacted with my DP and hardly gave me a sideways glance. At home a few days later when he'd settled and my DP was in work he spent his time sleeping on my lap. He's a year old now and if I'm upstairs so is he. If I go downstairs he follows. He's very much my shadow and my cat now.

I don't think kittens can purr at that age - pretty sure none of ours did until a few weeks older.

Sounds more like buyers remorse for dropping a weak hundred ££ on a pedigree???

I rescued my pair at six months. DNinjaCat threw herself at my chest, purring and squeaking. DFluffyCat was the quietest and most terrified of the others, huddling in a corner. I couldn't touch her for weeks, but loved her all the same. She progressed to sitting on the same sofa as me, and snoozing on my bed, and within a few months I could pick her up for a quick snuggle. We now call her Queen Bee because she's so regal and bears no resemblance to the tiny terrified fluff she was when she came home!

Seven years later, DNinjaCat is still madly affectionate and DFluffyCat comes and asks for (and gives) wonderful cuddles. They both hate other people 😂 so I think it's partly their personalities and partly gaining their trust :)

Our kittens have become purry and enjoy being stroked - but weren't like that on the day we first met the. I think it will be ok, esp if he liked being picked up.

@ivfdreaming Nope. I don't have buyers remorse and I was always going to get a British shorthair this time round from a carefully selected breeder. It's a long process.

@GetRid Yes, I think it'll be fine as he was ok being handled. I was a stranger to him with a new smell and it'll take time for total trust! I will be putting a lot of time in!!

But how are you going to feel if kitten doesn’t grow up super affectionate OP?

What if he grows up like my cat for instance, the odd purry leg rub but very very little actual affection?

If you desperately want a super affectionate cat it surely would be more sensible to approach British shorthair rescue (I am assuming cats have breed specific rescue?) as you don’t know how the kitten will mature and cuddliness seems very important to you?

I know what you mean, I had an extremely affectionate blue Persian and he used to purr like a motorbike and put his paws around my neck. I was devastated when he died and got another blue Persian kitten from the same breeder. He was not at all interested in cuddles :-( this may be why adults cats are best from rescue centres or breed rescue as you can see their grown-up temperament.

Having said that, my brother has just got two nine month old kittens, they were very nervous and wouldn't come near us and now when in visit one of them comes up for cuddles, and purrs!

@Borderstotheleftofme Sorry to state the obvious but you don't know me and I am known as the biggest animal lover. So if the kitten grows up not to be affectionate (which is an ideal, obviously) it'll be as it is and knowing me, I'll be besotted regardless! Cuddliness isn't supremely important, actually - sorry if you read that as such. I rescued my old cat before - and she certainly wasn't cuddly!! But in her way she adored me and I her and she was very hard to get over :( So it's been nerve- wracking getting another cat/kitten. This will be a different, but equally rewarding in whatever way, adventure. I'm sorry you clearly thought I desperately wanted a super affectionate cat. I've never actually had one! I respect cats because they are cats! They show affection in different ways and I was just having a wobble as you do when you make a commitment. You and I sound like very different people.