urgent advice please

[nothercules]

We recently got a leonberger which is basically an extra large dog. He is 13 months old.

We carefully researched the breed before hand and knew what we were getting.

However, my mil has moved in with us last week unexpectedly and is scared of the dog. He is a typical male going through adolescence and is trying to dominate her and my own mother - he does this by not allowing them to carry my 21/2 year old daughter especially if she is cying. THe trouble is I go back to work after Easter and will have to leave my mum and mil at home with my daughter.

I've had long chats with various experts and have been told he will dominate if he is allowed to and it will get worse.

I really cant see that they will be able to deal with this and it isnt fair that they should either. They are both nearly 70.

However, we took him on and I feel obliged as he was already a rescue dog that it is unfair on him to then hand him back to the original breeders. I know this will probably affect his tempermant etc.

My kids and husband and I are attached to him and I know they will find it really difficult to make a decision.

Any advice or thoughts.

hercules btw

hercules btw

bump

I think you have to think about what is best for your family in this case Hercules. I know little about dogs (though love most I know), but I couldn't have one in the house which anyone living there was afraid of. I'd be uncomfortable leaving the dog with them if I needed to go out and would feel responsible if anything untoward should happen. This circumstance was unforseen and I'm sure the people who homed him with you would understand.

Thanks aero. I do feel really bad especially seeing as I've been raving to everyone about how wonderful he is despite looking very scary.
My mil said today that she intends to keep my daughter upstairs but doesnt know what to do about feeding her.

That's the thing about going to work. I'm going to be worried sick especially about my own daughter if her carers arent capable of looking after her fully as they are scared.

all my sons friends have come to look at him too.

Is there somewhere the dog can be put while you are at work? Guess he can be trained not do dominate.

I'd feel bad too, but inevitibly your dd will need to be carried/picked up from time to time and unless you keep the dog in a totally separate area all day while you're out (which, of course, isn't really fair on him), your mum/mil could experience difficulties. Looking after dd is no1 priority I think.

No where for him to be put. He can be trained not to dominate but everyone has to do this and it's too much for my mum and mil who are nearing 70. You cant have any fear of the dog when he is trying to dominate and I know deep down this is asking too much of them. Their reactions is to flee.

My mum is okay until my daughter falls down and starts crying and needs to be picked up. When this has happened my mum was unable to tend to her properly as the dog started to mount her and at his size he does it with both paws on her shoulders and she isnt strong enough to push him off.

My dh is just avoiding discussing the whole issue.

He's fast asleep next to me at the moment.

I think, in that case, if you know it's too much for your Mum/mil, then deep down, and I expect with a very heavy heart, you'll know what the right decision is regarding the dog's future with you. It seems the time just wasn't right.

The trouble is I'm going to be the big bad witch with my 10 year old son as he will find it very difficult plus my dh will also find it very difficult despite it being the best thing.

Both my mum and mil have been really good but I know it's too much for them. I keep asking my mum to be honest and she says she really loves the dog but at the same time I know she struggles.

I've been lucky, both my dogs accepted our sons with no impact on the family but I have heard many instances where the same problem has occured.

It does take a lot of work and it doesn't sound like it's possible for all in your situation. If you can give the dog back to the breeders - this is the ideal solution & I wouldn't feel too guilty.

I had a dog from a breeder who had been handed back by a family who couldn't cope and he was a fantastically happy dog. In some ways it is better for the dog to be in a happy environment rather than a stressed one.

Good Luck

Your son will forgive you eventually I'm sure. I agree with jsm in that the dog will be happier in a less stressed environment than a stressed one and not to feel too guilty about that.

Good luck anyway, whatever you do - I must head to bed now!

bump for morning

Can he have a pen/kennel outside?

No, he is a breed of dog that doesnt suit outside. He is very much a family type and it wouldnt be fair to keep him out. I'm going to talk to my mil today in more depth.

Really feel for you here. If the dog is going to stay as part of the family then everyone will have to dominate him, as you know he can smell their fear! My lab is currently about half way up the pecking order in our 'pack' of 6 and he should be right at the bottom! It is difficult for your mum and MIL as it is for my 7yr old dd. Have you thought about castration? I wonder if it might help. Another option is to pen him off somewhere in the house with (large!) gates or do you think he would be unbearable? He needs to know he is not in charge, it's not his house and he can't go where he pleases. I suppose the key places to leave him (kitchen etc) you will need access to. TBH I think you need to get your DH thinking about the reality of this (and his poor mum) he will either have to get involved training them both or face losing the dog.

Okay I really dont want to lose this dog.
How does this sound?

I have very large crate that came with him but is currently in our shed as it is huge. What about putting it inside the house and living with it there. That way when he gets boistrous if they can get him in there he can calm down.

It will be space taking and huge but could be the answer.

I think you could overcome this, but with a LOT of hard work training your dog. As others have said, he needs to know that he isn't the boss and that means everybody in the house singing from the same hymn sheet. I know he's 13 months old, but have you considered taking him to puppy school? Your vet should be able to give you good advice on this. I think you at least need to try to train him, or you'll always feel guilty. If you have a go, you will know you did everything you could.

Your DH needs to do it too, not leave it to you! :)

He's booked in for classes in 3 weeks. We've been told everyone needs to go but that's not possible for my mil who wont leave the house.

IF he's not used to being in a crate, he might howl, scrabble and basically thrash about frantically if you put him in it - not a calming solution! On the other hand, it might work.

I know it sounds horrid, but castration is well known for calming down a dominant male dog - have you considered that?

I'm a big fan of crate training, we still use ours now (it's under the stairs) and he will sometimes go in of his own accord for a little peace and quiet! I was going to sugsgest it but thought he might be too big - however if you have one already then it's obviously not. Why not give it a trial run? I think the best way to dominate a dog is the 'dog whisperer' method (there is a book, can't remember the author) where you ignore the dog until it calms down, then you choose to give it attention (obv very difficult if he's going to jump up!) I taught my kids to turn their back on him and walk away if necessary. Never let visitors make a fuss of him until he is peaceful. You must get DH involved in all this. It does work but every single person in teh house has to do it. When I let him out in the morning, I didn't speak to him or even look at him until he had weed and finished 'fussing'. Now he doesn't even bother charging about and I reward him straight away.