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To get a puppy or not to get a puppy?

63 replies

Kingsroadie · 26/01/2011 19:58

We have a 14 month old daughter and 2 house cats (ragdolls). We live in a house in London about 100 metres from a park. Would we be mad to get a puppy? I am a SAHM and intend to be for the forseeable future. We plan on having another 1/2 children but with 2.5-3 year age gaps - ie next one born when our daughter is about 3 (assuming it all works out etc).

I have lived with dogs before but have never owned one. How many walks do they need a day (I realise this depends on the breed somewhat)? We have a paved small garden but it hasn't got grass - ie no weeing in it! How much work are they really? They clearly need to be house trained and lead trained. If, for example, we were both unwell, would they cope with a day of just being taken out briefly for the loo however many times a day? Or just that and a short walk?

Obviously we would need to consider the breed careful re suitability for family life, kids, cats, lack of very long daily walks etc. I knew a family with a baby and two cats who had a whippet and he was the most gentle, adorable dog ever. That is an option but don't they need masses of exercise? Labradoodle (small) is another one, and dogs like shit zu/lhasa apsos etc.

Any thoughts/experience of dogs/puppies and babies/family life? Thanks a lot!

OP posts:
Booboostoo · 08/05/2011 13:41

Kingsroadie: I have no direct experience of newborns (ask me again in about 5 weeks!!!), but from seeing friends, etc. a puppy is very similar in a lot of respects. Yes, they are cute and cuddly, but they need constant supervision, they cry a lot, they need feeding, training, and someone who is not too put off by a lot of pee and poo! I had a puppy that did not manage to sleep more than 5 hours at a time until he was about six months (yes, I know newborns are worse!). With 4 horses and 4 dogs I never get a lie-in, not on Sundays not on Christmas day, the animals do not know its a holiday and they all expect to be fed, exercised and mucked out every morning!

ItsMyTurn: I don't think you are a bad person, nor do I think you should continue with the puppy if you can't cope, but the comment about the money was not appropriate. We all make mistakes, the important thing is taking responsibility for them. Contact the breeder and see if they will take the pup back, otherwise gift her to a rescue with a thousand pounds to help towards her re-homing costs.

ItsMyTurn · 08/05/2011 14:49

it is appropriate for me as I had budgeted in order to purchase her and pay vets bills for vaccinations/worming etc. (which I did 24 hrs after bringing her home. I am not being mercenary,, I'm really not. It is not my primary motivation for rehoming her. Just another consideration.

clam · 08/05/2011 15:49

ItsMyTurn ease up on yourself - and your puppy. It won't be like this for long. It will get easier and you will be glad you persevered.
Think how many of us struggled with newborn babies. There was (thankfully!) never an option to send them back then, and we muddled on and got through it, taking advice from MN those around us.
Good luck.

Kingsroadie · 08/05/2011 17:34

Boo they sound pretty much the same to me - with a few important differences of course... Just like my daughter never gives us a break - she doesn't know it it's a Sat or a birthday or a weekend! They're just babies. And I think it might probably be a bit like the "getting through the first few months" as with a newborn (I actually love the tiny stage although not so much the lack of sleep).

Good luck with your actual baby!

OP posts:
ItsMyTurn · 08/05/2011 22:21

booboo - congrats on impending arrival Smile. I actually feel better today after talking to my family esp my sis who as two BIG dogs and my brother and sis in law who have a lively Jack Russell! I think I have struggled so long with sleep issues that after two consecutive appallign nights sleep I was in a state of unreasonably high anxiety. I love our little puppy - she is gorgeous and will fit in to our family without any difficulty. I think the difficulty lays with me and my anxiety and not stressing so much over her needs. She plays during the evening and it is somuch fun watching her bouding across the carpet carrying whatever booty she has 'found'. Thank you all for your advice/words. I will stay on this thread as it has been supportive and encouraging (largely). I know I am getting in a tizz over it and I am now much calmer - thank you

Booboostoo · 08/05/2011 22:33

Kingsroadie: thanks! Yes, the first six months are the worst...then around 2 - 2.5 years old they got through a teenager phase where they seem to forget everything they ever learnt, but by 4 they are a lot more settled....then again by the time they are about 10-12 you start feeling like you are running a old people's home! My bitch is on 7 different medications for her heart and the other oldie needs an inhaler!

ItsMyTurn: thanks! Glad you are feeling a bit more positive about it all. You may well have arranged this already but if not pet insurance is really worth it for those unexpected vet bills that always crop up and you should be able to get a really good deal for a puppy.

ItsMyTurn · 09/05/2011 07:30

doing insurance today thanks. what am i meant to do about her wking during the night? 3.45am, 545am and 6.40am Sad I know it's gonna pass but she is so LOUD!!!!! She settled after 345 and 545 but not at 6:40 whch is about the time I get up weekdays anyway so I waited till 7 and went to her. I've been advised not to give in to her barks /cries but as I had to get up anyway will she have felt she was being 'rewarded' for her persistance?! My oh my, this really is like having a baby!!!

ditavonteesed · 09/05/2011 07:45

there is different advice, she is stilla tiny baby, seems a bit ahrsh to completly ignore her. is she in a crate yet? they feel more secure in one, we went away recently and cherry dpesnt sleep in a crate anymore, we took a ravel ione and put it up, didnt shut her in it, the first night she was whining and barking when we went up to bed, so I came down and shut her in, she settled immedialty.

Have you read gwen bailey, the perfect puppy? I found that book to be indespensible for the first year.

ditavonteesed · 09/05/2011 07:46

oh sorry meant to ask is she loud barking or loud crying?

ItsMyTurn · 09/05/2011 08:00

she was whining during her first two wakings but barking like mad at 640am. I am just going on advice given on here at by breeder not to pander to her every bark/whine etc. This is all rather confusing!

RumourOfAHurricane · 09/05/2011 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ItsMyTurn · 09/05/2011 08:29

that's what i did. keep getting conflicting advice which is a tad confusing Confused

daisydotandgertie · 09/05/2011 16:36

It's very difficult to give any absolute advice - there is no one right way. Like bringing up children, there are those who do controlled crying and those who do attachment.

For what it's worth, I always go to my puppies if they cry in the night. I want them to know that I will always fix things for them, whatever, whenever. I have working labradors and firmly believe that the reason they work so hard for me is because I have never, ever let them down.

I don't make a fuss at night or speak or turn on the lights and I do the same old routine over and over again. Let them out into the garden until they do the wee or poo they were desperate for; give them a gentle stroke and pop them back into bed with a tiny treat. Until the pups have been with us for a month or so, I also warm up their comfort heat as well just to increase their sense of security. They very quickly learn what to expect and settle straight back down again.

Dogs are very, very bright but an 8 week old puppy just doesn't do manipulation. If she is crying, it's because she is unhappy/frightened/needs a wee. She has a massive amount to learn and it's up to you to teach her. Calmly, consistently and with love.

She is too small to manage to go overnight without wees and poos, her insides are just too small and the muscles too weak to hold it in for so long, so the only thing you can do is decide how you want to handle it.

The crate method works well. The crate has to be about the same size as the bed so there isn't a spare bit they can use as a loo and because they are reluctant to mess their own bed, they usually cry to be let out.

I put tiny puppies to sleep in the crate with a heated wheatie, a large soft toy and a bone; gave her a biscuit, shut her in and left her to it. She did cry to start with - but each time she did we let her out and came and soothed her to sleep.

The trouble with not crating is that because he has no-one to ask to go out at night, it's easy for him to hop out of bed, find a corner and do whatever it is he needs to. Crating does mean you end up getting up in the night and wandering round the garden with a torch but it gets you to the end goal of teaching a dog that outside is the place for business sooner.

Mixed messages are not helpful. If you think about it, she's currently getting mixed messages. In the daytime, you're working hard to teach her to go outside to wee and poo. BUT, at night-time, the goal posts move and no-one comes to let her out, you are in effect teaching her it's OK to wee in the house some of the time. She's going to struggle to work out when it's OK and when it's not.

It's a lot for them to learn - and of course, their bodies have to grow enough to physically be able to control it.

If you are anxious to avoid pandering to her every bark and squeak I suggest you set your alarm every three hours during the night and do the silent garden trip routine before she asks you to. Then as she gets older stretch the periods out more and more until she can manage all night. That way she won't learn that crying gets your attention.

I couldn't do it, especially with such a tiny puppy. But I know people can.

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