Does ANYONE in the 21st century, apart rom my mother, still do this?

[clam]

I'm a pedant with the best of us, but draw the line with this one. My mother insists on addressing letters to me as Mrs J >>>>, when that is DH's initial, and mine begins with a C. Even my birthday cards. Drives me mad. Anyone else?

My MIL did this until I told her it was something I really disliked and my mane begins with a J and not an L. It may be etiquette but personally I find it very insulting on a birthday card.

name even??!!

Oooh, jeangenie, what lovely stuff on your profile. I aspire to craftiness, esp. in some alternate universe in which I have an iota of dexterity.

awh PW that's nice of you to say so...I have re-embraced the gentle arts of traditional domesticity recently...so am now a Ms. My Forename My Surname needle-toting rampant military feminist with obvious internet based lesbian tendencies...I tell ya ladies, it's the only way to go

I really get annoyed with people (on the phone mostly) who ask 'is that miss or mrs?' - i feel like saying 'what's it to you? Do I ask if you are married or not?' but i don't, and I don't see why we can't use MR and MS. In this day and age.....

jg. it's niche, but I like it.

captainmummy- yup yup yup...am with you all the way...and I can just imagine the little git at the end of the phone (cos I always imagine them as spotty 19 year olds for some reason) thinking, as soon as I say MS when presented with the choice between Miss and Mrs, oh, one of those ones who is left on the shelf but doesn't want to admit it and is bitter and twisted about it...one of the ones who lies in bed at night worrying about her marital status as was said earlier...

yes indeedy, in the 21st century, one wonders why not...

Oh yes, my mother does it, and I do it in return to her - because that was the my dear dead daddy's name, and it is very important to her to show that she is still in her heart, married to the man she loved for 40 years.

Message withdrawn

When I'm asked whether it's Miss or Mrs - I always respond by it's

What about on cheque books? On DH's and my joint accounts it has to be Mr J and Mrs C Bleughh otherwise, God forbid, there might be a data protection ishoo that means they refuse to speak to one of us even though that particular person is the one who deals with all the accounts and always has done so why the do they have to make such a song and dance about it........

There was a wonderful article in the Guardian about a year ago from Joanna Moorhead on changing names and the whole Mrs. DH's Name business.

You can read it here.

Oh dear, I do this and never realised it caused so much offence .

Maybe I'll stop .

I think your bank is taking you for a ride, clam. I have a joint account with DP, and we have two entirely separate names. As do many thousands of other unmarried couples, I'd guess.

Yep, DH and I have completely different names and we don't have any problem with the bank. We have a lot of problems with people on the phone, and also relatives, who can't understand that I'm either
Ms T Mouse or
Dr T Mouse.
I am not Miss T Mouse, as I'm not single. I'm not Mrs T Mouse, as I'm not married to my Dad! I just don't see what the problem is.
(Hm, should probably change my username, eh? )

Actually, that was a very loosely-connected rant. It was a credit card company, who will only acknowledge one person as the primary card holder and the other (me, as it happens) is some sort of low-life who is not allowed full access to the details of the account. And, to be fair, it's nothing to do with names but what the hell?

I think it anachronistic these days and harks back to the time when married women didn't have their own jobs, bank accounts and weren't allowed to own property.

Official correspondence such as payslips, letters from the taxman, bank accounts, bills, credit cards all held in my sole name come to me as Mrs I Iota - how would these people know that my dh is called Epsilon and therefore I must be Mrs E Iota?

It is so daft in this day and age

Actually, I think all official documents and letters are addressed to me with my initial (C), or occasionally to Mr & Mrs J Clam (which I'll just about pass). It's only the Hyacinth Bucket-types like my mother who do the Mrs John Clam nonsense.

Going off topic a bit, a friend of my Mum's was a young professional woman and the salesman wouldn't sell her a vacuum cleaner because her husband wasn't with her to approve the purchase! Even though she told him that she had her own salary and could prove it.

Ah yes! I know that company. I had them round once, as I'd just had the builders in and I fancied getting my carpets deep-cleaned for free as part of the demo, and they were insistent that my partner was present. I was single at the time. But, when he finally got round to revealing the price of the vacuum, (£1300!!!!!) I could see why. How many partners, having missed the sales pitch, would say "£1300 for a hoover? Sure, let's do it."

I have joint account with DH and we both have totally separate names, so it isn't just the thousands of unmarried couples...there must be at least one other married couple who do it this way??? oh yes, there is...I have an equally insane friend who has a separate name to her husband and a joint account and never has any hassle from banks...it's honestly NOT any more hassle AT ALL...in fact changing names must be an obscene amount of hassle compared to not

anyway, I don't really mind what others get up to (although obviously I KNOW what I think is right and proper!) and will even call my deluded married friends by their husband's names if that's what they signal they prefer but I do detest this sniffiness about the use of Ms MyOwnName if that's what I choose

not having a go at anyone here btw...just off on my own particular diatribe...always a bit of fun

Weirdly, my mother would rather drink a litre of her own wee than do this. However, she really struggles with the fact that my DW hasn't taken my surname but kept her own.

Odd.

Looking at the replies I reckon over 50% of people think that the "Mrs John Smith" is out of order (and I agree). I even object to "Mr & Mrs J Smith" and we get that quite often (which is odd because we're not even called Smith ).

Interesting that in order to conform with "etiquette" one has to annoy the majority, surely if over 50% of people don't like it then it must officially be impolite.

I suppose is obvious where I stand on the Miss/Ms/Mrs issue. Having said that, in real life I'm Mrs Highwater

I don't object to being Mr & Mrs DH name but won't tolerate being Mrs DH name. The former is just simpler and less longwinded.

The credit card thing pisses me off, too. I hate that I am only an additional card holder. Why is a joint credit card account not a possibility since that's what it amounts to in practice.