Does ANYONE in the 21st century, apart rom my mother, still do this?

[clam]

I'm a pedant with the best of us, but draw the line with this one. My mother insists on addressing letters to me as Mrs J >>>>, when that is DH's initial, and mine begins with a C. Even my birthday cards. Drives me mad. Anyone else?

I can't say it bothers me all that much. Perhaps because I chose to change my name (because it was just too damn complicated otherwise). I tend to address cards to married friends to Firstname Surname (rather than Mrs anything) to avoid the issue.

In any non-family related stuff (work, personal finances, etc) I do always put myself down as Ms Squiggle, as I see no reason why strangers seeing my name on a list should know/care what my marital status is.

Have to say it doesn't bother me. I do sometimes use it, usually if sending something to someone who would think it was the thing to do. I like what Marina said, that 'I think we keep using it as a subconscious salute to their vanished world'. And I'm pretty sure that, like Soapbox's mum, my widowed mother likes the link with my dad from calling her by his initials and surname.

Doesn't bother me at all. It is correct form after all!

Solo, I never know quite how to address people in your circumstances although appreciate your strong feelings on the matter!

Miss is obviously inappropriate and I am always a little reluctant to use Ms ... It seems a little feminist soapboxy to me not to mention sitting on the fence. It doesn't actually stand for anything does it? So I usually default to Mrs, I'm afraid.

Upsidedowncake

Your aunt sounds like my elder sister (43 in real terms, 400 mentally).

She once claimed the right to open all post addressed to Miss Comtesse 'since I am the eldest Miss Comtesse and if it was meant for you, it should have said Miss L Comtesse' . It was from my then-bf who was working in Scotland so a moments thought about the postmark would have told her if there was a query over the addressee so the next letter came with my full name 'Miss La (middle names) Comtesse plastered all over it . Btw, I am not married but I take offence when I am addressed as Mrs L Comtesse since I am equally not married to my father or brother. I do accept that some places do this from courtesy or from not being fully aware of my personal circumstances but it is still irksome.

prussell - surely it's just good manners to use the form of address that people have told you they prefer. If someone specifically asks to be called 'ms', and you refuse and insist instead on using a form they have specifically told you they don't like, then you are being rude.

My gran did this to me once on a card of some sort and got most upset when I didn't phone or respond in kind. I had put it away in the supboard for DH birthday that was the following week. I saw his initial and thought it was for him!

I also use Ms and have done since I was 20 ish. My new work keeps giving me things addressed to Mrs and it is driving me nuts!

We are in danger of evolving into a nation of stutterers, as we all hover nervously over the M before addressing people. Miss? Mrs? Ms? But it's a waste of time in my line of work, as all the kids I work with call you Miss Clam, regardless. I used to respond "MissIZZ" at them, until I got a reputation for being a fussy old bag, so have resigned myself to it. But with regard to being MissIZZ Husband's name Clam, I was willing to give up my maiden name when I married, but I'm blowed if I'll give up my Christian name too.

Mrs
Miss
Ms

It really isn't brain surgery.

If you're unsure which to use, why not just use Ms? It's the only one that doesn't make assumptions about someone's marital status, so it's the only one that CANNOT be incorrect (although some women object to the implication that they might be a feminist - I mean, got forbid that they should have the vote or anything ).

policywonk, I did that when I did some temp work, we were sending out reminders - no marital status indicated so I used 'Ms'. Loads complained and I was told if I didn't know to use Mrs!

I always address letters to Mr and Mrs husbands initial or Mrs husband's initial unless they are widowed..though I do occassionally use the woman's initia`l when it's to people who probably not aware of the etiquette to avoid irritating them !

my MIL does this

to her, I am Mrs DH's inital, DH's surname

to me and all my real friends, I am Ms my initial, my surname

No, policy - you misunderstand me. I would certainly use the form of address that I knew someone preferred. I was saying that where I was in doubt in the case of a divorced woman I would default to custom and use Mrs.

Stealth, I can well believe it. I just wish these women would hand back their voting rights, sexual rights, rights to work, rights to own property, rights to keep their own bank accounts, rights to reproductive autonomy, rights to medical confidentiality, and so on. They obviously find feminism so distasteful that it's really not fair to force them to participate in its consequences.

Sorry to have misinterpreted you prussell.

How does "Ms" get to mean "rampant militant feminist" [grr]

Maybe that is what my work colleagues think of me. If so, tough [rampant militant feminist emoticon]. I have been to / registered for things where "Ms" was not an option, though! (largely organised by French people - there is no equivalent of Ms in French that I know of)

Stealth, it gets to mean "rampant miltant feminist" when people say that women who don't like it/want to use it should give up all their rights!

I'm not a big fan of Ms myself on the basis that it is a made-up word (?) that doesn't stand for anything. Having said that I understand why some women choose it and respect that. I certainly wouldn't take offence if someone addressed me in that way.

As an aside, I once read an article that said that Miss was for single women, Mrs for married ones and Ms for women who lay in bed worrying about their marital status ....

I'm afraid I do this
Except when I'm writing to Cod who thinks (quite rightly really) that it is OUTRAGEOUS that she should be addressed as Mrs S Wallop, just because her husband is called Shad, and not Mrs C Wallop, for the Cod she was christened. So I only made that mistake once with her...!

I don't know why I do it. Because to me it looks wrong the other way - but obviously it is COMPLETELY subsuming the female identity into that of her husband which is Not What I Believe In At All.

All words are made up. Do you dislike other neologisms, like 'internet' or 'microwave'?

I'm not sure what you mean by 'it doesn't stand for anything':

'Mrs' means married
'Miss' means unmarried
'Ms' means it's none of your business whether I'm married or not, because I'm a rampant militant feminist and proud of it.

MaryAnnSingleton... I'm perfectly well aware of the etiquette, but it still annoys me. My surname is the same as DH's, but my first name is bloody well not. So there!

My MIL addresses letters to me as Mrs DH's initial Surname. Yet she will put her own name as Mrs her initial Surname. So yes, that annoys me...

Policy, what I meant (but did not explain very well) was that Mrs and Miss are contractions of Mistress but I take your point in the sense that could be true of Ms as well. I still don't like it though ... sorry!

I adhere to man = Mr. woman = Ms. neither tells about marital status or, in an ideal world, anything else...

I love being a woman and I love being a Ms....and now I think I love policywonk too...so I must be a lesbian militant feminist I guess

however my Dh is one too I think (although don't think he is a lesbian - but you never can be sure I guess), and the cards addressed to Mrs. His initial His surname makes him rant and rave to such an extent even I begin to find it amusing and end up begging him to calm down

I have members of my family who write to me as Mrs Xdh's initial and surname - we've been separated for 8 years and divorced for 2................

I am Ms My Initial My Surname

and that's the way ah-hah ah-hah I like it.

You need to give them a copy of Debrett's then Wisteria