50th letdown

[Fairystepsthought]

I have planned a party for myself - sent out a save the date at the end of January - booked sole use of a venue with food, music and put down a deposit. Invited approx 75 friends and family but only 32 are definite yes’s. Most of my closest friends can’t come and the 32 includes some family who will mostly likely only come for the start. I’m feeling rubbish about the whole thing - don’t really feel like celebrating anymore - what should I do? 🤷🏼‍♀️ worried the venue will look empty and that there won’t be any atmosphere. How can I rescue this? Just feel like it’s the biggest most expensive mistake 😭

Why didn’t you confirm who was able to attend before selecting a venue and so on? You’ve gone about the whole thing backwards

if you send the save the date well in advance them perhaps this is your opportunity to appreciate who truly want to celebrate you and enjoy spending time with those people

Can you rearrange it to a date when your closest friends are available to attend?

I feel for you.

How far away is it? What are the cancellation clauses?

Do you have friends in kind of set groups, eg if all my school mum friends got together it wouldn’t matter if no one else came even if a low turnout. But if they were 30 people who are not friends already it could be a bit stilted.

And this is why I have never had a party. It's excruciating just thinking about it. I went on holiday to ensure there were no surprises

Rebook for a different date? How far away is it?

I’m surprised you didn’t confirm with your closest friends and family first that they could definitely make the date.

Also, going to be honest here. I’ve only gone to big venue parties for things like 21, 30 and 40. By 50, everyone I know would rather just have a smaller party, something at home or a meal out. (Been to a lot of 50th in the last couple of years) Is it possible a lot of your friends are feeling the same and not really wanting to attend?

Cancel it or rebook it for a date people can attend.

I agree with other posters. You really needed to check that guests were free. At 50 (or thereabouts) people aren't fancy free like 18 year olds. Personally for a 50th birthday I would be more inclined to book a nice meal in a restaurant or maybe seeing a show for a few close friends (or something like that) rather than hosting a party in a great big venue.

Rebook a different venue. Make it smaller.
I'm guessing the date isn't good as your closest friends can't come either.

Awww that's so sad. Reminds me of one of my DCs' parties. Only about 2 of DC1's friends came and about 10 of DC2's came. I felt so bad for Dc1.

When is the party OP? Is it a weekend where people are more likely to have made other plans, like Easter holidays or a bank holiday?

30 or so people seems an OK number for a birthday party to me.

How big is the venue OP? Yes there's less people than you originally invited but unless the venue is vast surely 30 people can fill it ok. They'll just have a nice amount of space.

Scale down the catering and go ahead with your party. If you'd like more people there are there anymore people you could add to the guest list?

How annoying @Fairystepsthought but sadly not that shocking. Many people over 40-45 CBA to go socializing/going to parties etc, and many people prefer to just sit in and watch TV/go for walks/have a pub lunch or meal with the people closest to them.

Personally I would cancel.

I know a couple of people who had a party - one for their 40th, and one for their 50th. The first one invited 40 people to their 40th party (they and their partner organised it,) and 9 turned up. Just 9!

The one who had the 50th invited 45 people and 15 turned up.

Really upsetting and makes you question why you are bother with people. Both of them just assume they are not liked by many, and the one who had the 40th that only 9 turned up to out of 40 said it's scarred them for life, (emotionally) and they will never EVER have another party or do for anything, ever. 15 years ago it was and they still think about how much it upset them when anyone mentions parties!

Op how far in advance are we talking? That’s massively disappointing that so many of your close friends are busy. Have you said you are hurt? Told them the situation? I would hate for one of my good friends to feel so bad.

Can you salvage it by extending the guest list? Adding children? Neighbours? Scale down the night by not making it a late night, maybe a musician rather than a DJ? Maybe add a fun element by dressing up/beach theme or something you like especially?

I am sorry to say you need to factor in the usual cancellations (typically 10/15%) I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but of 32 you are likely to get 20-24.

I might cancel too and take the hit, unless you can double the numbers or change the date so most can make it.

That would scar me for life if only 9 people turned up. Horrifically embarrassing and so upsetting.

I think I’d be tempted to cancel too.

Party you say??
Maybe some go getting mners of a Certain Age can gatecrash??

Was just wondering if I should invite this lot! 🤣

My mate's dh organised her a 40th.. Mostly aged aunties... We left at 10 and went clubbing..
When I say we I meant me and the birthday girl!!

How to make the OP feel even worse about herself.

You should feel ashamed of yourself!

Can you invite more people OP? I’d be worried some of those who say they are coming won’t turn up. People are so flaky these days, it’s too easy to cancel last minute by messaging.

Tbh, I don't understand why someone would book a party for themself, so perhaps some of OP's friends feel the same way?

Cancel & don’t rebook. The numbers tell you others are not bothered about the party.