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Original poster

Should I ininvite a child from my son's birthday party?

56 replies

Roxymumoftwokids · 04/12/2024 21:44

Hi, I need a bit of advice please. My little boy's birthday is soon, he's in junior school. We invited around 15 kids to a local centre, the party costs £27 per child. I spoke to one of child's mum before we booked a place and mentioned that we are considering a party and once the place was booked, I felt compelled and invited her son. The problem is her child came to our place for a playdate lots of times, but they never invited my son to theirs. My son is crying now, saying that he is not a friend with that boy anymore and very upset that I invited him. They already replied confirming that he will attend the party. My son is crying saying it's his birthday party and he doesn't want that boy to attend. I don't know what to do. Should I uninvite the kid or leave things as they are?

OP posts:
Alwaystired23 · 04/12/2024 21:52

I don't think you can uninvite a child now. I'd get your son to focus on who else will be there and tell him it will be fine (and it most probably will be).

Tardigrade001 · 04/12/2024 22:07

No, it would be very unkind, and will make you look bad. Besides, they could be friends again next week.

TinyMouseTheatre · 05/12/2024 07:34

I don't think that you can uni it's him either. Definitely get him to focus on the things he will enjoy at the party and maybe invite another child to tea next week so that they can look forward to playing together at the party.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/12/2024 07:36

You can't uninvite him now. Just ease off the playdates from now on and don't invite him next year.

SecretToryVoter · 05/12/2024 07:40

If your son is in junior school then he’s plenty old enough to understand that you can’t uninvite someone in these circumstances. He’s sounding a bit of a brat to be crying about it when there’s 14 other children there too

Coconutter24 · 05/12/2024 07:44

Kids in junior school fall out then are best mates the following week so I wouldn’t un invite him. I also think if you can’t talk about a party without feeling the need to invite the person your talking to then you shouldn’t mention it until you know who your DS wants to invite

mikado1 · 05/12/2024 07:46

Why keep inviting to play dates if he says he's not his friend?🤔 Sounds like he is his friend..
No, you can't uninvite. Bet your ds has a great day and forgets all about it.

WhatYouPutOutComesBack · 05/12/2024 07:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Livelaughlurgy · 05/12/2024 07:47

He doesn't sound like a brat. It's someone he doesn't get on with at his party. It's too late now but I think the big thing is you shouldn't have invited him and to look at that a little. Why did you tell this mom about the party? Why did you feel obliged to invite her son? Did you notice she never invites your son back? Has she legitimate reasons? Or is your son right on this one?

saraclara · 05/12/2024 07:48

Why did you invite someone without asking your child if they wanted them there? The child chooses their guests, for goodness sake. And if they miss someone out who you feel they should invite, you discuss it and negotiate.

mumoftwo1981 · 05/12/2024 07:48

I think I'd use this as an opportunity to teach your son to be kind. I wouldn't have accepted my child saying that a child should be uninvited to a party. I'm a firm believer that our children should be taught empathy... it doesn't always come naturally. Maybe they never invited back because there was a situation at home? Maybe they felt your house was nicer than theirs? Maybe they didn't feel equipped to host? There could be a number of reasons x

Itsfreezingbutpretty · 05/12/2024 07:48

Sounds a tricky situation and it’s hard as you were being generous to invite another child at £27 per head. With this kind of thing (sounds like the sort of thing I would , talking too much in the first place and then feeling the need to be inclusive ) I would maybe apologise to your DC for not checking with him (particularly as he is in juniors) and say you won’t do it another time. I think it’s ok to model apologising when we mess up a bit, and children need to gradually have more control over their lives as they grow up.

And do the other things pp have suggested . Maybe the boy he doesn’t want has a friend going so you can suggest that they will likely be together and it shouldn’t affect your son too much. Ie imagine the ‘it might be all fine scenario’. With anxiety and kids I was told it’s more useful to help them see it might be fine rather than promising it will be fine when they know there might be something they don’t like. Hope he calms down and can look forward to and enjoy his party.

GrumpyCactus · 05/12/2024 07:49

He's obviously friends with this child if you have invited him on numerous playdates. The fact they have not been reciprocated is irrelevant.

Your child is plenty old enough to understand that uninviting him would be unkind. Although the amount of crying and fuss he's making about the situation would have me wondering if I held the party at all to be honest. He's much too old to be throwing tantrums.

Womblewife · 05/12/2024 07:51

You can’t uninvite now but you need to learn a lesson from this that you shouldn’t invite people without talking to the person whose party it is. If you were having a family party, im sure you wouldn’t be happy with dh inviting lots of people you dont really like.

stichguru · 05/12/2024 07:54

What's actually going on here? You say "my son is crying now, saying that he is not a friend with that boy anymore and very upset that I invited him."? Are they just not playing as much together as they used to, or is this child actually now bullying your son, or hurting him in some way? I just find being "very upset" because a child you don't play with so much is coming to your party, a bit strange unless your son has a communication difficulty or social anxiety or something. I mean yes, if they just aren't doing as much together as they used to, teach your child that we don't leave people out and hurt them just because they aren't our best friend.

WillowTit · 05/12/2024 07:57

they can build bridges during the party
it is too late to change
and so what if they never invite your son

NikNak321 · 12/12/2024 06:43

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/12/2024 07:36

You can't uninvite him now. Just ease off the playdates from now on and don't invite him next year.

This ☝️☝️☝️. And I do think it's important for children to see us behaving kindly even though it might not be what you personally prefer.

Adulting isn't what we want a lot of the time and we often have to tolerate other people. I think situations like this are life lessons for kids. And they then understand growing up decisions have many factors and being kind to others is one important one 👌. There's 15 kids there remind him ...one more is not an issue. You'll know for next time. He can write his own list!! 👍👌

MumChp · 12/12/2024 06:45

No. Of course you can't univite.
How would you feel as a parent of the child?

Arty40 · 12/12/2024 07:19

I am 56, I can still remember the pain of being told I can no longer go to a party because someone else came up higher than me.
Be kind and teach kindness, your child will get over it but that child will not.
Strangely I felt thise feelings return when I read the post. Nearly 50 years on!

SoSBeingAMumIsHard · 12/12/2024 07:20

You can uninvite him. Tell them why.
It's his birthday

Comedycook · 12/12/2024 07:23

Is this other child being unpleasant to yours...or is the problem just that the playdate hasn't been reciprocated? Either way, you can't uninvite. It would be very cruel.

FairCrow · 12/12/2024 07:30

There's sometimes a reason why playdates aren't reciprocated. For example, I have an only child and more time than my son's bf's mum, she works ft and is a single mum of 3. I give her a break when they are with me!
Anyway you can't uninvite, unless its a very specific reason like bullying.

Mikki77 · 12/12/2024 07:52

SoSBeingAMumIsHard · 12/12/2024 07:20

You can uninvite him. Tell them why.
It's his birthday

I totally agree with this poster.
Uninvite, tell the mum why.
It's your sons birthday.

Your son is not a brat.

rb124 · 12/12/2024 08:12

I wouldn't un-invite this child - that just starts a whole round of tit for tat behaviour.
Maybe a chat with the parent(s) beforehand might pour oil on troubled waters?
Finding out why they're no longer friends might help too - in my experience, kids of that age fall out every 5 minutes, only to get back together again 5 minutes later! It might also be a bit of learning about 'how to be the better person' which might stand your kid in good stead for his future?

Meowingtwice · 12/12/2024 09:06

No you can't uninvite them, they're just kids and who knows why they fell out.

It is difficult though. I'd ask my child what specifically is making him upset. The response may differ depending on what he says.

For example if he is worried this child will call him names, I'd say no one should be name calling especially on a birthday and they should know that. Feel free to play with other kids, any problems let me know.

or does he just think it's just an injustice that this kid he thinks is bad is allowed on his special day. Then I'd explain I'm sorry when we invited him we were friends. If we uninvite someone this is a very bad thing, like a big insult to them and their parents. We'd only do this in extreme circumstances like if they were going round punching everyone.

You might not like my specific examples but the idea is understand and answer from his point of view.