4 year old DD just been uninvited to a party tomorrow

[Coffee999]

Hi, I am a bit shocked as I have received a text from a mother saying her daughter has been upset by my daughter this week and so she'd rather she doesn't come to her daughter's party tomorrow. She doesn't know exactly what happened but doesn't want her daughter upset at her party. I will ask my daughter what happened in the morning but I am feeling dreadful. It's going to be so awkward at pre school for the rest of the term. How should I handle this?

Whatever you do, don't make your DD feel bad about this. This is the other mum's drama/problem - not yours and I hope you can find something fun for your DD to do instead and distract her from the party issue.
Unless your daughter attacked and bit herDD or something like that, which seems very unlikely as your daughter would have said something to you, or the teacher would have said something to you, this seems like much ado about nothing from the other parent.
Her DD will have to be in class with your DD again next week anyway, and I think that most parents would have thought very carefully about excluding another four year old from a whole class party. Its unfair. Particularly as she says herself she doesn't even know what its about.
Make sure your teacher knows about the exclusion and keeps an eye on your DD next week. Good Luck

its just possible that the party girl didn't get her way & didn't like it - even 4 year old girls can be manipulative especially when they have daft mothers

They are four ! Not much more than toddlers ! How unkind of the other mother to go to such extremes.

Spin. That sounds like very sensible advice

spinn even 🙈

I’d reply “ok”.

And not give it another thought.

I knew a mom like that. No surprise that her daughter became a master manipulator - always claimed to be the victim while orchestrating exclusions of other kids. She was one that had a 2 -tier birthday party - the "best" friends stayed on for a sleepover while the others were picked up and taken home. That kid got away with murder under the guise of "anxiety".

This woman is behaving like a gigantic four year old herself.
How risible.

I would just do exactly what @orangeday recommended. Nothing more nothing less.

Here is your reply:

“I’m quite sure that’s the best solution for all concerned.....”

...and leave it at that! If there’d been a major issue at preschool (eg your DD had bitten hers), you’d have been told about it. She’s nuts.

They're 4 yrs old? Good Lord.

The woman's lost the plot.
Ignore, ignore, ignore.
And think yourself lucky you've found out what she's like early on.

@NataliaOsipova that's perfect!

Thank you ladies. All excellent advice. Many thanks to the voices of reason and common sense. It's been a busy week and I did not need that text this evening.

Omg..so they’re 3/4 year olds in pre school? The woman is an idiot.

She has shown her cards eaely- one to avoid at the school gates. Pfb with bells on!

Since the mother said she doesn’t know exactly what has happened (and yet has still excluded your daughter!!!) I would literally not respond to the text. No reply at all.

Take your daughter somewhere as amazing as you can muster tomorrow. Ask her if everything has been alright with this girl and see what she says. Definitely raise it with pre school as they will have a much better idea of what has been going on. Most likely ridiculous squabbles that will be forgotten in a weeks time.
This woman has done you a favour by showing you what she is really like - now you know to stay firmly away and encourage other friendships. As for how to handle it, I’d be polite but cool.

Mmmm I agree silence probably the best thing here, let her mull her batshitness over

God this brings back memories. Dd was having her 6th birthday party; the day before I get a text from her best friend’s mum saying bf is not coming anymore as dd had upset her at playtime. I sent breezy text ‘gosh, so sorry dd has upset her blah blah, please reconsider’. She stuck to her guns and it was awkward thereafter.

I agree, don’t answer. She’s probably expecting a grovelling reply. Just ignore it, and ignore her from here on in. Her little one is going to have a hard life if the mum carries on like this.

Actually fairly speechless. WTF!! If your DD recounts something like that, you say “Well I’m sorry she upset you but we’ve invited her and we can’t say now she can’t come. If she is still upsetting you at the party come and let me know.”

That woman is going to be shafted! Her DD is going to be the most spoilt brat ever if she carries on. Wow.

This happened to me with a play date! At 11.45 the night before. Some people are completely bonkers OP. I think your DD has had a lucky escape! IME 4 year olds think anything with a couple of balloons and a cake is a party, so invite one friend round and eat party rings so your DD isn’t disappointed. At least it’s preschool and you don’t have to see her from September.

@Jenniferturkington

I can't believe there are more of these mental mothers, barring something very serious having happened and my DC being genuinely scared I would insist they went to the party they'd agreed to go to notwithstanding any ridiculous playground bickering.

Yeah don’t bother replying. Sometimes you say it best when you say nothing at all.
This speaks volumes of her so don’t give it too much thought

I’m normally the last person to encourage or endorse any bitchy behaviour but this is the one time I would start some whispered gossip about her being one of those mums

On the plus side, you’ve found out early that she is exhausting and to be avoided

Oh blimey- This time next year her kid will have run out of friends to invite. Ignore.

What a tit ignore, especially when they’ll come back running in the future. I’d reply: “what a relief! DD has been saying how much your daughter upset her and didn’t want to come to the party. Obviously I explained to her it would be a poor behaviour not to attend a party after confirming attendance so she’ll be relieved you cave in first!”