Wedding reception decision - unconventional - your input please?!

[PavlovtheCatthatgottheCremeEgg]

Ok, so here it is.
My wedding, in September to my darling Dp, who is the best person I know, who I love with all my heart, who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

We are not conventional people. Neither do we have a lot of money.
We had a baby last year, my mum died this year, I have hardly any family, his family live in USA. (just a bit of background). My brother is in the army, he was going to give me away, on behalf of my mum but unfortunately he will be in some far flung land in a fiend. His wife will have had her 3rd child 4 weeks before so unlikely to attend. My sister might or might not be there.

So, we are getting married
here

and were going to have the reception in a townhall, loverly, but caters for up to 190 people. We are looking at now having about 50-60 people there max, and some of these will go early due to children. It seems expansive, and as numbers dwinlde we wil be in a big hall which will probably echo!! means we need to get a band/Pa system, decorations etc.

So, we have thought about having the reception in a seafood resuarant

here
Positives

1. It is intimate, caters for 40 people. 45 at a push.
2. It will be personally coordinated by manager
3. They are award winning chefs.

It is only £20 - 3- pp.

1. Exclusive use.
2. There is a pub, part of same restuarant, next door, where guests can meet before we arrive.
3. No need to organise band.
4. It caters for vegetarians and non-fish eaters too.

Here are the problems:

1. We will be asking people to pay for their own meal. Approx £20-£30 pp. To be arranged with manager yet.
2. It is about 50 mins drive from wedding. and about 20 mins drive from where most people will be coming.
3. No children will be invited.
4. Will need to invite less people as restuarant only holds 40 (45 at a push).

We thought, our friends have not been the most supportive over the last year or two, and even now, with us having no family around, are not too bothered by helping us with our LO, or interested in the wedding very much. We felt that spending £4000 on just our friends (family from USa coming, but will be happy with whatever we do) is a lot, and thos who really want to spend the evening with us will be prepared to pay the money.

To us the wedding itself is the most important part of the day, the evening is an informal celebreation of the days eventd.

What do you think?

I know you love the restaurant, but if you were looking for an alternative, there's the River Brasserie in Lostwithiel ?

(Your place does look cool though!)

Gess, there are quarters out near Yelverton (in Crapstone)... we were hoping to end up there!

Very about Kitley... we were supposed to go to the Tanners place in Plymouth but DH got deployed

LittleEaster - Went to crapstone for a walk the other day! Nice.

Gess - you had wedding in Yelverton and reception in Kitley? How were people abour that?

I've been to a wedding in Tavistock town hall- it was good, but there were about 150 guests- it is huge I agree.

Yep love Tanners- we went there a few weeks ago- Xmas present from my Mum and Dad to both of us (vouchers). We were lucky wiith Kitley- they'd just changed to a hotel so we were able to hire the entire place for a really good price (cheaper than many other places we looked at). I've just booked up a night there for our 10 year anniversary.

People were fine about the distance (except some in-laws- but the non-irish crowd didn't seem to notice- they all loved Kitley). We had a coach to take people from Kitley into Plymouth at midnight, so people could stay easily in Plymouth if they wanted to.

A friend at primary school used to live in the married quarters at Crapstone.....

Gess -Sounds like your day was similar to our re: travel. Can I ask.How did your guests get to Kitley, those who got coach back? We are looking at coach there and back.

Many came from places like London etc and they all drove down, so they drove from the church to kitley- left their cars at Kitley overnight, and got the coach back to hotels/b+bs then shared lifts etc the next day to pick up cars etc. It all seemed to work out fine.

Because the church was also in the sticks they needed cars to get there iyswim, and were coming from all over - so we only needed to cover travel from kitley to city centre at midnight.

Gess - great idea. Car sharing is what I thought would work, living in Devon, usually how people get around! I am sure the restuarant would have no prob lketting us leave cars there overnight.

I can't imagine asking people to pay for their meal at my wedding. It surprises me that it's even an option but perhaps I'm old.

Classic nickname. Based on your RL name?

Just to add to the debate re guests paying for meals etc...

One of my favourite weddings of the last few years went like this:

• church service which the bride left in wellies as it was so wet

-nice cup of tea and champagne in a marquee which basically covered the whole of their garden. We were asked to bring our own cakes. The bride and groom laid on tea, champagne and one fabulous chocolate cake, also fabulous Hungarian gypsy band who were someone's friends turned up for some random dancing.

• about 30 of us (Friends and close relatives of our generation) went out for a meal at a nice pub, which we all paid for ourselves in the evening.

It was a lovely day, and none of us resented contributing to the day because it was the only way we could have enjoyed our darling friends special day!

Ooh another thought.

The older generation are usually quite grateful not to have an entire marathon day and night do for a wedding, especially if they don't know you brilliantly well.

Could you have a short drinks reception somewhere near the ceremony for local people - just a bit of champagne and some cake, say (I may be obsessed by cake!) and then close friends and those who've travelled go to the restaurant in the evening?

Special - that sounds like a good idea you know. We might well be able to do this at the caverns. Although saying that, the oldest person going is DPs mum, and she acts like a youngster!

OOh that reminded me of a fab wedding we went to- friends had it near Birmingham (between his family in..devon again! and hers in Scotland), candle lit ceremony on 12th night at a Church where a friend was vicar, followed by tea and home amde shortbread (in heart shapes) whilst the pics were takem, over to village hall where they treated us to a beautiful buffet, most of it fresh cheeses / butter etc from bride's families goat farm.

Gorgeous.

Pavlov I hope you have a nice day

But don't be a bridezilla about people who don't want to come

And really I would approach families by saying "I understand that this isn't really very suitable for children..." so they don't feel bad

And put NO PRESENTS PLEASE! on the INVITES!

but have a lovely time!

Agree with mp's points. Although if you could get the Tanner Brother's for £30 quid a head you'd have people queueing for invites Have a lovely, lovely day.

PS we used to go walking at Long Ash near Crapstone a lot (old school friend as well), but ds1 will no longer do that walk for some unknown reason. Shame- there are some good spots.

If your friends aren't that supportive (interested!) then why bother making an effort for them. Make it a small family do instead so you don't feel like you have had a day to please everyone else.

I think a 50 minute drive is too much after the wedding, might lose continuity. Not inviting children will be an issue for some too. Cost could be another factor. What if the people you do really want there don't go because they can't take their children or can't afford it?

Sounds like you want to go for the latter option in the hope that lots will say no and solve a problem for you?

Think about what you really want, starting with who you want to share your special day with and go from there. There must be more than two options for venues near you

its your wedding do what you want!!

i cant see a problem with asking people to pay for a meal at £30 a head, last wedding i went to was in a hotel with rooms at £120 a night had to stay 2 nights coz of the distance then the outfit and present and i definately spent more than £30 on drinks at the reception.

didnt mind paying out for all of that coz she was my friend.

im getting married next year in a hotel in middle of no where rooms are going to cost guests £100 a night and i have done the no children thing the only one going that will be under 12 is my daughter. i have already told all of my friends with children that the wedding is adults only and none of them had a problem with it,

they are respecting my decision to have the wedding i want to and your friends should respect the fact you want to go to that restaurant and they would be paying for there meal

Have the wedding celebration and reception you want - but don't be harsh on people who politely decline to come because they can't afford either the meal or th necessary childcare. If people are broke, they might not want to admit it so theireasons for not attending might sound a bit lame: if they've always wished you well in the past, give them a break.
Also, as someone else on this thread said, other peole are not as interested in yoru weddig as you are. Why should they be?