Wedding reception decision - unconventional - your input please?!

[PavlovtheCatthatgottheCremeEgg]

Ok, so here it is.
My wedding, in September to my darling Dp, who is the best person I know, who I love with all my heart, who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

We are not conventional people. Neither do we have a lot of money.
We had a baby last year, my mum died this year, I have hardly any family, his family live in USA. (just a bit of background). My brother is in the army, he was going to give me away, on behalf of my mum but unfortunately he will be in some far flung land in a fiend. His wife will have had her 3rd child 4 weeks before so unlikely to attend. My sister might or might not be there.

So, we are getting married
here

and were going to have the reception in a townhall, loverly, but caters for up to 190 people. We are looking at now having about 50-60 people there max, and some of these will go early due to children. It seems expansive, and as numbers dwinlde we wil be in a big hall which will probably echo!! means we need to get a band/Pa system, decorations etc.

So, we have thought about having the reception in a seafood resuarant

here
Positives

1. It is intimate, caters for 40 people. 45 at a push.
2. It will be personally coordinated by manager
3. They are award winning chefs.

It is only £20 - 3- pp.

1. Exclusive use.
2. There is a pub, part of same restuarant, next door, where guests can meet before we arrive.
3. No need to organise band.
4. It caters for vegetarians and non-fish eaters too.

Here are the problems:

1. We will be asking people to pay for their own meal. Approx £20-£30 pp. To be arranged with manager yet.
2. It is about 50 mins drive from wedding. and about 20 mins drive from where most people will be coming.
3. No children will be invited.
4. Will need to invite less people as restuarant only holds 40 (45 at a push).

We thought, our friends have not been the most supportive over the last year or two, and even now, with us having no family around, are not too bothered by helping us with our LO, or interested in the wedding very much. We felt that spending £4000 on just our friends (family from USa coming, but will be happy with whatever we do) is a lot, and thos who really want to spend the evening with us will be prepared to pay the money.

To us the wedding itself is the most important part of the day, the evening is an informal celebreation of the days eventd.

What do you think?

pavlov, i see that you can have a marquee in the walled garden - great for children and no moving back and forwards for everyone. they can heat them if necessary and with luck you'll have a warm day anyway. you could get a local catering firm to bring a buffet.

hope you have a lovely day with whatever you choose

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Surely the most important thing is that you have everyone you want at the wedding itself. As you said, the vows are the thing - the reception is just icing on the cake. Rather than cut wedding numbers, I'd look for a bigger reception venue.

I never said I would invite people to the wedding but not the reception, others said that. I had said

1. Will need to invite less people as restuarant only holds 40 (45 at a push)

It was a problem I needed to resolve, not a statement of fact.

Sorry, I got confused.

So are you trying to decide whether or not to book the restaurant you like?

You've got 2 options really, haven't you:
If you have (say) 60 people that you REALLY want to be at your wedding, find a reception venue that can hold them all.
If you really want to go to the Rose and Crown (which looks lovely) and there are 15-20 people you're not fussed about having at the ceremony, then cut your wedding numbers.

If you tell your friends that you are really hard up and don't want any presents but do have to ask them to pay for their own food I think most close friends wouldn't mind.

The venue looks lovely . I think a picnic afterwards in the grounds is a smashing low cost idea - would be really relaxed and memorable.

As others have said, low cost weddings can be nicer than really expensive ones.

Enjoy your day

picnic at Mount Edgcumbe???? Would be lovely. What time of year??

Having said that - looking at the chef's pedigree the food would be lovely at that place- and I wouldn't mind paying for it (could you ask people to pay for their meal but no present- their company being the present iyswim).

Don't think the travel is a problem at all- standard for this part of the world. We had similar distances between our church and reception.

Oh yes, the present thing - I've been to a wedding where the invites said "No pressies, but if you'd like to make a contribution to the rocking reception fund, that would be great" - most of us probably contributed more than the cost of our meals.

I think if people know the score upfront, then it's cool, it's up to them to say no if it's too expensive etc. Just don't spring it on them at the end!

The ceremony is booked. It is happening. Regardless of distance, it is where we both want to get married, it is beautiful, and romantic.

The problem I had was the restuarant. It has great memories for us. It is great. It can be presonalised as we want it, that was the point I made about the manager being involved, to demonstrate that we will have personal service, nothing else. The problems I had was mainly the distance it is from ceremony, and getting others to pay. Most people know our finances are screwed and the reason (we had planned to get married at this time before my mum got very ill and passed away, most of this would have been done before now otherwise and I would probably not be here asking as I would have had the venue of my choice).

It seems that some are prepared to pay, some are not.

My friends travel for more than an hour to walk on a baeutfiul beach, and have no troule spending money on a restuarant and drinks for some ones birthday, so why not do the same for a once in a lifetime event?

Easter - I would never spring it on them. It will all be on the invites.

Really the distance is not a problem- it is common at weddiings I have been at down here- and was the case for ours. The only people that moaned were the Irish in-law contingent (but they think 20 miles is a day's drive).

£20 per head for the meal x 45 people = £900. Where does the figure of £4000 come into it? Presumably you were going to pay for the village hall, band, pa, decorations and food so you must surely be quids in if you swop it to the restaurant.

I was joking about the springing it on them! Hence the

I agree about the distance... I got married in Devon and although the travel from our chapel to reception venue was, umm, about 30 feet I have been to loads down there and it is pretty common to have to hike from place to place.

Anyway if you told me I could have a meal from a chef who had worked at Kitley and the Carved Angel for £30 I'd bite your hand off

My friend was amrried ooh, a few years ago and they couldn't afford a reception so they asked people to cover their own meals, and then had a meal at the Bistro owned by the Castle in taunton (nice place apaprently- my Sister went, I didn't). i think its fine, as longa s you warn peole and don't get upset if they say they can't come.

Caves look amazing. We amrried in a water mill- not exactly different now but we were the first we knew to use the other venue laws- and we got comments. Who cares? They can have what thy want for their wedding.

Snap as above for the kids- its OK, as long as you dont mind if poele cant come. We couldnt attend a wedding 100 miles away as I was BF and it was no kids, couple haven't spoken to us since .

Are you a Devonian, gess?

LOL Gess- we ahd friends come to Somerset from london and the Isle of Skye for our wedding; the ones who had to travel from the other side of Somerset whinged, and when we couldnta fford a bus some refused to come. hey ho.

yes indeed easter....

Gess - originally was going to be Kitley!!! But, due to circumstance, timings, already being booked it was alas, not to be.

The people who own this own Dartmoor Union Inn, if that rings any bells.

I thought this kind of travel was common for Devon area too...[hmm}. Glad at least one person has expereinced the distance thing of devon...!

gess,

I still live in hope of being posted to Dartmouth... I'd settle for Plymouth... but we're still stuck in Portsmouth.

Gess - Sept - tricky with weather. GOd be perfect, could be a bit windy!!

Our reception was at Kitley (when the Tanner brothers were working there- food was rather good ) We were married out past Yelverton- so bit of a trek, but would have been wherever we had the reception- the closest big enough place was Tavistock anyway. Distance is common definitely.

II was born in Portmouth Easter, now back in Devon after 10 years all over the place.

Ah Pavolov- I see the distance- we are Somerset 9althouh not there now)

Must be a West COuntry thing?

I guess reall, my view of what a wedding means is possibly different to others. It seems that many people thikn a wedding is about convenience for guests, ease of access, not having to travel anywhere, being fed and watered, all the work done by us, and if it is not right, people wil be unhappy.

My view of a wedding is...we providse the location, the drinks, the wedding itself, the opportunity to experience a great day, we provide as much as we are able to make the day good. However, our guests also have a role to play in making our day special. It takes effort from our friends and family to enable us to have as stress free day as possible, not to make it a great day just for them. It is about me and my partner sharing our intimate feelings with each other in front of those we care about. It is a chance for our friends and family to take a role in our making of the commitment.
Some people are coming from USa, I am not going to be bothered by those travelling for 50 mins max.

Thanks to those helping me come to this decision. It has taken some harsh words from some of you to make me realise that our day is not about money, and making it easy for other people, it is not a jolly or a freebie for others, it is our day.
It is a chance for us to be happy this year. I think this is the right way for us.

Gess - The place we currently have booked is the town hall in Tavistock - still a trek, but with so few people, just not worth it. We will be swamped by the enormity of the place. This is why we are changing loctions.
Tanner brothers - very nice. You been to tanners restuarant in plym?