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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

Can I take dd2 to a party that dd1 has been invited to? (Thread #2345)

63 replies

oliveoil · 29/11/2006 11:18

dd1 (4) has been invited to a party (for 5 yr old), do I ask the mum if dd2 (2) can go as well or is that a huge big no-no and faux pas?

Mum is acquaintance from playgroup, party in gym type place so hired, you don't pay for each child. Will mum feel 'obliged' and then slag me off?

I envisage tantrums and tears if dd2 can't go........

OP posts:

NAB3 · 29/11/2006 11:19

I have had this problem. I just asked if it was okay to bring the other child/ren. Always told yes if not a weekend.

tortoiseshell · 29/11/2006 11:20

I'm sure you could take dd2, but if I were you I would try and find somewhere else for her to go, so it's special for dd1. But I'm sure the mum wouldn't mind! The only reason I wouldn't take dd is that she would probably wreck it for ds1, because he would play with her rather than his own friends, but that may not be the case with your girls.

HuwEdwards · 29/11/2006 11:21

I've been asked this and in those circs (i.e., not paying for each child) I would always say yes.

Original poster

oliveoil · 29/11/2006 11:22

hadn't thought of that tortoiseshell

would be nice for a bit of me-time with dd1 (playing up lately)

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

OP posts:

Tommy · 29/11/2006 11:38

opening up a can of worms here aren't you?!

I would always say "no" - your DD2 hasn't been invited. I would take her somewhere else for a treat if you can

HuwEdwards · 29/11/2006 11:40

I didn't say before, but whilst I have no problem with other people asking me, with my dds, I always only take the child who has been invited for the reasons tortoise says, it's a special treat for that child - also you may set a precedent.

WideWebWitch · 29/11/2006 11:44

no, it's not on. Party is for dd1, dd2 has to live with it imo. She will slag you off.

katierocket · 29/11/2006 11:46

Yes I think she will feel obliged to say yes. Party is for DD1 so I think really you shoudln't take DD2. DD2 will have to learn at some point that you can't always go to every party.

Bozza · 29/11/2006 11:51

Only reason I would consider doing that is if I had no babysitter or when I was still breastfeeding. My DS is always being invited to parties without DD. I'm afraid that your DD2 will have to come to terms with it at some point. However her triumph will be sweet when the tables turn and she is invited without DD1. This happened for DD about 6 weeks ago and she was so proud of herself. Suggest DH takes DD2 on an alternative treat.

scatterbrain · 29/11/2006 11:52

I don't think you should ask - if you do she will feel obliged to say yes - but will not be happy ! Laest I wouldn't be.

If dd2 was invited the invite would specify !

nailpolish · 29/11/2006 11:54

I have dd's the same age as yours OO and i would not take dd2 if it was possible

the party is for dd1's friend not dd2's

misdee · 29/11/2006 11:54

huge no no. had it at dd1 party the older brother kept asking if he could come (was at soft play) i said no, but if he parents wanted to take him to the play area that was fine, but i wasnt to be responsible for him or to feed him (i had paid for 15children already) in the end his sister didnt even come, as i thin kthe parents felt put out [shrugs]

serenity · 29/11/2006 11:55

If I had to stay (at 5 neither of my DSs would have wanted me to leave them) then I would always ask first, if it was a public paying type place I'd just go and pay for the extra, but obviously keep them with me when they went to eat or whatever. If it was just a case of the uninvited one getting upset, then tbh I wouldn't. DS2 often gets the hump when DS1 goes to things without him, but I do point out to him that he gets invited to things DS1 doesn't go to as well.

Having said that, in your situation I would do the first as I tend to think babies and toddlers don't count anyway. I found people tended to ask where DD was if I didn't take her along with me, it was assumed she was permanently attached

nailpolish · 29/11/2006 11:55

think about it when they are older

dd1 will be mortified if dd2 tags along while she is with her mates!!!

(am dreading and looking forward to that sort of thing in a strange way)

Kittypickle · 29/11/2006 11:57

A no from me, but I am contemplating asking if DD (7) can come to a party on Sunday that DS (3) has been invited to. I feel he's a bit young to be left and DH was going to look after DD, but will now be in Spain seeing his Mum who is very very ill (only arranged a couple of days ago), so I feel a bit up the creek. This one is in the village hall though and I am only asking as really don't know what to do with DD. If I was you I would take DD2 somewhere else, it is important that they both learn there will be times when they can't do what the other is doing.

SoMuchToBits · 29/11/2006 11:58

I wouldn't take her if you can avoid it - she hasn't been asked, only dd1, and if every person invited brought someone extra, it woul soon add up.

If you have to take her, beacuse of babysitting problems etc, then DO ask the mum out of courtesy first, and stress that you will keep an eye on her at all times, and don't expect her to be fed (bring something for her if necessary.

Bozza · 29/11/2006 11:58

If you did take her would there be a party bag? Because if not, then she is going to get the hump anyway isn't she? And let's face it, she's 2, so (IME) will probably have tantrums and tears about something anyway. My 2yo gets stroppy because she is not allowed to "draw" in the cards for DS's friends. Not going to do DS's cred much good, turning up at a party with a card with a load of scribble in.

ginnedupmummy · 29/11/2006 11:58

Message withdrawn

vipersister2 · 29/11/2006 12:39

We don't turn up with the rest of the family because we want to, we only do it when we've run out of alternatives surely? And in that case, wouldn't the host rather the invitee turned up with a gift than didn't come at all???

nailpolish · 29/11/2006 12:44

has olive said she has no alternatives though?

vipersister2 · 29/11/2006 13:10

ooh, you're right, I'm just assuming. I kind of thought that was why she'd asked the question. Maybe not. In which case, no, don't ask for invites for the rest of your children. Especially if the woman knows you have others and hasn't mentioned them herself.

Original poster

oliveoil · 29/11/2006 13:31

thanks for all the responses

I will try and fob dd2 off onto dh for the morning and just take dd1 then, glad I now know how strongly this is thought of!!!

I wouldn't be bothered if I had a party and a sibling came if I knew they were coming though...

I have paid for dd2 to tag along to a play area when I was stuck and the mum wasn't bothered as it didn't end up costing her any more (and I checked beforehand)

god it's a bloody mindfield this lark isn't it, in my day it was everybody in, jelly and ice cream and statues

tut

OP posts:

nailpolish · 29/11/2006 13:37

dd2 will enjoy having her daddy to herself for a while

Original poster

oliveoil · 29/11/2006 13:40

ha, she will not, she will screech until I return

also, as I can't drive (yet, am learning) he will have to drive me there and come back for me so I envisage his bottom lip poking out already

OP posts:

nailpolish · 29/11/2006 13:41

TOUGH

or dh could stay there with dd2 in a different bit? is the party hiring the whole place?

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