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Parties/celebrations

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Original poster

The usual problem...how not to invite the whole class

31 replies

pigsinmud · 03/06/2012 13:14

Dc4 will be 6 soon. I have always done parties at home and invited just a few children. This year we seem to have a problem though. She is in a mixed year group class - there are 10 yr1 girls and 4 yr 2 girls. She wants to invite 8 of the yr 1s and 2 of the yr2s. Is this acceptable?

I am worried about leaving the 2 yr1 girls out, not the yr 2s as she won't be in the same class as them again. She has nothing to do with these 2 yr1s though and doesn't really like them, so it seems crazy inviting them. Plus then i feel as though we need to invite the yr2s !!

Dh will be working and I feel happier about having 10 girls in the house rather than 14.

What to do??

Dh will be working

OP posts:
Original poster
pigsinmud · 03/06/2012 13:15

Not sure how "dh will be working" made it on the screen twice Grin

OP posts:
mumblecrumble · 03/06/2012 13:20

Its tricky isn;t it. perhaps you could invite 10 really early then if any can;t come you could invite the others?

10 is loads to have at home, you sounds really generous and like everyone will ahve agreat time :) We were thinkng of having DD (to be aged 5) and her 5 best friends. In summer holidays so not as obviously leaving pepole out i suppose.

What kind of stuff did you do last year... if you don;t mind me asking?

Codandchops · 03/06/2012 13:23

Yes I think it's acceptable, her birthday is hers and she should be able to spend it with the people she chooses. If she has nothing much to do with the other Y1 girls then she (and you) should not have to feel they HAVE to be included.

Original poster
pigsinmud · 03/06/2012 13:40

Thanks for replies. I am hoping the weather will be good and they can go in the garden. Hmm looks out the window! Rained last year, so have to plan on being inside!

I could persuade her to not invite any yr2s and then I'd only have 8 to deal with.

It is tricky as so many people invite the whole class. I have never gone down that road.

Last year we played a few party games - musical statues, musical bumps, pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey and a game where had a piece of paper in each corner of the room with a red square or yellow circle etc.. They'd dance in the middle and then i'd shout red square and the last one there was out. Also, blew up balloons and put a sweet in each one so they had to pop them to get the sweets out...did that before they went home as from experience it makes them hyper!

I had also bought some teddy bears which they stuffed and took home as their party bag - only invited 6 last year, so felt happier leaving 5 out (there were 11 girls last year in her class, but one has since left).

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ValiumQueen · 03/06/2012 20:25

I would say 'consider yourself lucky' as there are 32 in DD1s class, and I am facing the same dilemma. I am thinking of inviting everyone, and hoping half do not come, but that is a bit silly.

PerimenopausalMyArse · 06/06/2012 07:03

I think leaving out 4/14 is horrible, especially when you break it down to say 8/10 Y1s will be invited, excluding just 2. Small is fine, everyone understands not everyone can be invited to a small party, but I think once you go much past half you need to invite at leasr all the girls/boys.

I guess you've touched a nerve; Y3 DD was one of 3/10 girls not invite to a party last weekend even though she has always invited this girl to her parties. Some of the girls in the other Y3 class were invited and it was a topic of conversation for days. I can't believe the mother thinks it's ok to allow her child to be so mean tbh.

Original poster
pigsinmud · 06/06/2012 19:12

I understand how you feel. I am not comfortable with it, but part of me thinks why should she have to invite children she never plays with. If it is raining we will be inside - 14 is a lot in my sitting room!

I haven't decided what to do yet, but might not invite any year2s and then 6 /14 girls will be left out.

The thing is when i was little no-one invited the whole class or all the girls and it does irritate that we have to do this now. I got left out of parties and dd has been left out of parties and she seems to cope. There was a good one a few weeks ago as the whole class, apart from my dd, were invited to a boy's party. Everyone assured me it must have been an oversight, but it didn't matter as dd seemed totally unbothered.

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ValiumQueen · 06/06/2012 19:53

I figure as there are 32 in DDs class, and she has been invited to 4 parties this year, and it is already June, then there have been a few parties happen which have not been for the whole class. We have decided on 15, so half approximately.

Just invite whomever your daughter wants, at a maximum number you decide. It is her party after all.

owlelf · 06/06/2012 20:01

I can see your dilemma. IMO to leave such a small number out is not right, (especially the two year one girls), but I realise that others may see it differently.

Hulababy · 06/06/2012 20:03

8 out 10 Y1 girls seems a bit unfair to me. 10/14 a bit too. I generally work on half or less, or the whole lot.

kilmuir · 06/06/2012 20:04

I would invite them all. Seems mean to miss 2 out. They may say no anyway

MrsCampbellBlack · 06/06/2012 20:07

I'd invite the 14 - they won't all come but how would you and your DD feel if she was one of the 2 yr1 girls not invited.

I think really you either invite the whole class or just a few but leaving just one or two out is mean.

You can dress it up however you want but its not terribly kind behaviour really. Can you tell I've been the parent of the 1 child not invited to a party? So I may be projecting ever so slightly Smile

Original poster
pigsinmud · 06/06/2012 20:49

I Know I know. A couple of friends told me it was ok, but i wasn't convinced so came on here for opinions! Is 8/14 ok? Don't forget there are 15 boys not even getting a lookinGrin I can't cope with 14 girls plus my 2 in the sitting room - not enough room!

When did this party business change? When i was little my mum would say 10 max, so there must have been 3 or 4 girls left out.

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MarySA · 06/06/2012 20:49

I think it's better only to have a few or to have everyone. We let our DD and DS have one party each at primary school when the whole class was invited and we hired a hall and children's entertainer. Otherwise it was only a few to either bowling, paintball, or sleepover and pizza.

MrsCampbellBlack · 06/06/2012 20:53

Class sizes were smaller then perhaps? I don't really know - am sure parties were actually a lot smaller and not so many of them either.

But 8/14 much better Smile

nkf · 06/06/2012 20:54

It's acceptable. oone thing I would do is not send the invites in via children. That way it gets talked about and hurt feelings start.

BertieBotts · 06/06/2012 21:00

Maybe your 10 max wasn't all school friends? I can't remember either, but I don't ever remember whole-class parties. I remember going to some bigger parties (they all seemed to have the same entertainer, he must have been passed around all the parents!) either of school friends, family members or children-of-mum's-friends type people and there was always a mix of children at their parties, not just the school class.

Original poster
pigsinmud · 06/06/2012 21:01

I was going to deliver invitations through doors. I have never let my children distribute them. I have either given them discreetly to the parent or dropped through doors. I remember dd2 not being invited last year to a party - little girl gave one out to the children either side of her, looked through envelopes and then walked off. Dd2 looked at me and said " I don't like blue envelopes". She didn't seem bothered fortunately.

Now I'm feeling bad, perhaps I could do 14....

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lucjam · 06/06/2012 21:26

I wouldn't worry about it, thats life I'm afraid and the sooner kids get used to it the better. Kids can't expect to be invited to every party. Why the hell should she have to invite people she doesn't like or play with?

Be discreet with the invites (not fair to make a big deal of handing them out in front of others, that is a bit offensive).

Have fun and enjoy!

SarkyWench · 06/06/2012 21:29

Is the 'no boys' thing her choice?

lucjam · 06/06/2012 21:29

Also school people need to understand that not all invites go to schhol folk, my DD has invited school people, people from brownies and people from church, plus there would be cousins invited if they didn't live 3000 miles away!

MrsCampbellBlack · 06/06/2012 21:30

Because lucjam its just not nice to exclude one or two children - and I am surprised you can't see that.

As others have said the kindest thing is to invite a few or all but I know this subject is endlessly debated on here and in schools around the country and different people have very different views.

SarkyWench · 06/06/2012 21:43

I wouldn't see this as 'excluding a few girls' but more as 'not inviting most of the class.

MrsCampbellBlack · 06/06/2012 21:45

Well its 2 out of 10 not being invited - I guess its up to you how you define that.

boxyfoxy · 06/06/2012 21:51

well, personally, i would invite them all, i'm one of those people who likes a party and hates to see anyone left out. Is it really too much to have a few more kids? (in for a penny, in for a pound!) I wouldn't like to feel responsible for a small child's sense of rejection though. hey, that's just me. If you do decide to exclude some, please don't give out the invites before/after school in the playground which kinda rubs it in the faces of those not invited.

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