Is it all right to un-invite a guest to my daughter's birthday party? Feel a bit horrid about it.

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Hello, this is my 1st time on here. Please be gentle with me, I am in a bit of a pickle.

My daughter will be having her 6th birthday party in a couple of months. I have told her that she may only have 5 friends around our house for a birthday tea party. I am limited to 5 guests as A) we only have a small house and I have a very limited budget B) I have hired a wonderful fairy lady to come a do fairy crafts, activities and face painting with the girls and so my numbers are limited to a maximum of 6 girls including the Birthday girl so I cannot add on another guest to the party.

My daughter has been very sure of who will be coming to her party, which will be in the beginning of may. She has been very good friends with these girls since reception and her social circle at school has not changed very much since then. One of the girl's she'd like to invite has only been at the school since September and she gets on with her well enough. Knowing my daughter's 'invite list' I gave the Mothers the heads up asking them to keep that date free and that there will be proper invites on the way........I think that was my mistake.

Since then my daughter has fallen out with one of her friend's and does not really play with her at school any more, she is the girl who only joined in September and I do not know her Mother very well so they do not see each other outside of school. I don't think i've really spoken to her since mentioning my daughter's party. My daughter has since become close friends with another girl in her class and I have a feeling that she would like her to come to her birthday party too. I have not asked her about her party list but it is getting close to sending-out-the-invites-time.

What shall I do?!

When I do the invites i'll be confirming with my daughter who she would like to come and if the friend she has fallen out with is not on the list, should I send out the invites to the girls she'd like to come and then say nothing to the mother of the girl she fell out with and hope it has slipped her mind?

Or should I say something to the mother with the possibility of making something out of nothing?

Am I over thinking this?

I do not wish to be rude to the the other girl or upset anyone but I do not want to force my daughter to have someone at her party who she does not wish to be there, especially as she can only invite a handful of friends.

I would love to hear other people's opinions on this or if anyone else has had this pickle.

Many thanks

sorry just caught up with your latest posts...

Just invite the 7, one wont be able to make it or tell the fairy lady you forgot to include your own dd when you did the adding up!

Welcome to MN.

I also think that you should definately still invite the little girl, it would be really cruel not to.

If I were you I'd much rather fork out more money for the party than imagine that poor girl upset at home and missing out on all the fun because she'd been left out.

Not only that but if you do exclude this child then, rightly or wrongly, when its her birthday party her mum may decide to be spiteful too and this time leave your child out

Squeegle is very wise on this topic. Children's fallings-out becoming parental rows are bad news: it happened over a friends party when I was about 12 and the two girls who fell out were never properly reconciled again, after their parents banned them from speaking to each other.

The party itself was cancelled due to all the bad feeling between the two families & I never did get to go to Windsor Safari Park

I don't think you've done anything wrong OP! I have 2 children born in May and have already booked DS's party for then (you have to book early or they get booked up!).

If someone had mentioned a date to me in the playground a couple of months in advance, I probably would have forgotten about it by now! I wouldn't worry too much - either try to include the child, or don't invite her and hope they have forgotten all about it .

Dd did something similar on her tenth birthday. Invites were sent out and then the next week dd declared she now hated one of the girls and didn't want her to come.

I told her bad luck, that this girl had been invited and she couldn't unite someone. Instead she was to be polite and friendly to her. I think it's an I portent lesson to learn that sometimes you do have to socialise with people you're not overly keen on and more importantly you don't go back on your word.

By the time the party came round they were friends again anyway.

It looks like you've now decided on the kindest and most sensible course of action by sticking with the original list.

I'm sorry you've had a shite few months, OP.

Sorry to hear the flaming that you've been getting.

IMHO, when you asked the mothers to 'hold the date' you were verbally inviting their child to the party. You were intending to follow this up with a written invitation nearer the time. In all likelihood child knows about party and is excited. Therefore, you have to send the written invitation as originally planned.

I don't think that you were asking this mother to hold the date so that your daughter could then choose her guests from a 'pool' of people who'd been asked to keep themselves available.

Also agree that children's friendships are very fluid at this stage and it's not worth stressing about this aspect.

I also think that MN is exactly the place to raise these kinds of queries because its anonymous and can help you to avoid social gaffes in the playground.

ChipMonkey Really sorry to hear about your baby daughter dying. Glad to hear you've had lots of support from MN.

Sorry, the above comment sounds flippant on reading

I just wanted your loss to be acknowledged in some way, particularly as you mentioned it to show the good side of MN

It's OK, Sanuk, I knew what you meant!

I think some of the comments on here were slightly harsh and well done u for coming back to give another comment back, if that's didn't scare u off nothing will!!! I do agree with them all, u cannot uninvite, if u gave a heads up date. U will need to keep her on the list, and teach ur daughter that once she invites someone,it stays that way. I too are very very organised, and would give a heads up, ESP if it was only a few close friends, as u would really want them there for her. But maybe not quite as early as u did. U live and learn from these things. Children's parties end up being political playground dramas!!! I learnt from a time my son insisted on giving out invites in the playground!!! I thought I was doing the right thing in letting him enjoy that moment; I learnt fast, as the few children he had not invited starting asking for theirs!!! . Never again!!!!!!! Unfortunate I just could not afford to invite all 30 in his class.

OP, I think you have to ask yourself whether you would be upset if your daughter's friends could not come to the party because their mothers had made other plans despite being asked to keep the date free.

If so, then I think you know the answer. Imagine how annoying it would be if you had been keeping a date free for two months (possibly despite receiving other invitations) and then you didn't get the invitation you'd been told to expect!

I also think you should invite who your dd wants to come along. If she doesn't play with the other little girl & you never see the mum, I wouldn't worry about it.

Btw I never invite the whole class & thankfully, at our school, neither do any of the other parents.

Hope your year improves